Letter to my Deceiving Love

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
The idea of him was appealing, my two-dimensional man who treats a woman like a lady and shares fallacious intimacy.

Submitted: September 11, 2016

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Submitted: September 11, 2016



My love,

I wanted to be with someone I truly liked and saw a future with, rather than just get together with someone I didn’t feel strongly for.  There were often times when I wondered if there was anyone out there for me at all. I would have lengthy chats with friends as we lamented about love and life, but my end conclusion would be that I, or anyone for that matter, had to remain hopeful.

Whether or not there was someone for me, having a negative mindset about love wasn’t going to help me find love. I had to believe that there is a special someone out there for everyone and it was by being positive and being my best self that I would attract that person, whoever he might be.  It was time for me to take the leap of faith and boldly step forward. Whatever came out of this was one thing, but the most important thing was for me to put my best foot forward.

Then I met you.

I never knew that such a perfect person could exist, my life partner. If the meaning of soulmates means having an unexplainable affinity for each other mentally, emotionally and spiritually, you and I are to each other soulmates, on all levels.

We messaged every couple of days for a few minutes…then, those minutes turned into hours…then those messages turned into calls, and then those text messages were around the clock (literally).

I’ll never forget our first phone call. I was so enamored with you from the start. Your voice wasn’t how I imagined; you are funny, kind, loving a sweet guy I had always dreamed of. I could tell you exactly what we talked about in our first attempted call, I remember it perfectly.

After I hung up the phone, I wanted desperately to talk to you more. Apparently you felt the same way, because that phone call sparked dozens more messages.  When you mentioned you’d be coming to see me, this made my heart leap since I had been praying for a man who could be a giver and generous as I am.

You bring the conversation about marriage. It is so clear to both of us that marriage is in our future as a couple that our conversation is natural and easy…almost comically so.  Our hearts continued to be woven together in a way that I can’t describe. You, unlike other guys I saw in the past, it isn’t a chore; it is not draining, tiring or full of effort. It is completely natural, easy, and peaceful. I am my best self with you. I want to adopt your dreams as my own.

Something I’ve never experienced that has resulted in a love deeper than I knew existed. We have conversations about everything, nothing is too weird or too shameful or too strange. And we laugh! We giggle with laughter.  You have submitted your heart and life to God, which is more attractive to me than any other character trait.

Then something happened… something I didn’t expect.  I never thought I would experience hurt because you said, we are solid.

I am cynical about the idea of people falling in love before they have even met.  Yes, you can develop feelings for someone, but I really wonder just how you can actually fall in love until you have met and spent some time with them.  Perhaps, I like the idea of falling in love more so than being in love with.

My head is a fuzz I can’t understand.  The trust is hanging from a delicate thread about to rupture.  I watch how this fragile trust is balancing dangerously with an abys under it.

I am shattered.

I can barely maintain my composure. I am in total shock that not only I lost my friend, now … this. I may be losing the love of my life.

I truly trusted you and believed more than anyone in my life. It seems so true to me, so honest, so sincere with all of the commitment to me.  You vow to tell me the truth.  Do you feel racked with guilt over the lies at all?

Like Cinderella, I fear the clock will  strike at midnight and a revelation will take place, then all will change as it looks like a storm is coming my way and is about to cause damage and shatter my heart and soul so deeply I may not be able to ever recover.

I may be losing the man I fell in love with and never met.


Love always,

Your Queen

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