On the end of the world At The end of the world, Book One, "Unplug for the rest of life!"

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

55 poems. Book one of a trilogy. Poetry for doomers. Pretty good. Human. Please leave a review and share!

On the end of the world


The end of the world:

Book One,

“Unplug for the rest of life!”





















First, a list of values, written five months before the prelude:

A statement of values

  • Relationships are important
  • Love is the organizing principle of the universe
  • Justice is important
  • The only legitimate authorities are the ones you have voluntarily submitted to
  • Everything in the universe is connected and has a consciousness
  • Life is important
  • Art can change the world
  • I am good enough just the way I am
  • Very little is worth risking death. I want to live
  • Sharing is important
  • I am a talented storyteller
  • Solidarity is important
  • Control is an illusion
  • All life on the planet is dying
  • Living your life according to your values is important
  • I am privileged, and with that privilege comes an obligation to `whine and kick and scream until everyone has everything they need`
  • I want to maintain my mental health, but I also need to acknowledge that I will never be the perfect patient, and number 8
  • Predatory capitalism is a threat to all life on earth
  • Oppression is wrong
  • Violence is wrong
  • I do not want kids
  • I prefer the choice of maximum freedom, bound by values
  • Compassion is important
  • Having fun is important
  • Art is important
  • Independence is important
  • Love is important
  • Defiance is important
  • Self-care is important
  • You know, fucking nothing is worth risking my life for
  • Respect is important
  • We are all wading through the shit of life
  • Consciousness can be raised
  • Being present is important
  • Using your talents to their fullest is important
  • Being supportive is important
  • The American empire is dangerous
  • Living the moral life is its own reward
























Chapter 1

Today I admitted I was a poet

And the feeling, oh oneness the feeling!




I don't know if it is possible, if there is such a feeling

But the words that come to mind as I feel this feeling

Is that I have found my calling.


Admitted my calling.


"Now, what we need, more than bread,

Is poetry."

Civilization is ending very soon and

All life on earth - except perhaps those hardy

Extremo-philes -

Will be dead by twenty thirty.

"Everyone is fucked and they don't even know/

Everyone is fucked and they don't even know"


Josh Fox makes films. Tim de Christopher lies in the ditches

That force the others to dig anticipatory mass graves. Hedges keeps telling it like it is, with videos like

"Coping with reality"?. Propagandhi makes another


Album. And I write poetry.


I write poetry to figure out how I feel. I write poetry to

Feel what I feel. I write poetry to face the coming death.

I write poetry because it is beautiful and it means something?.

I write poetry.


I admitted I was a poet today. First I used poetry to


Through some scary things, some dangerous things.

Then I talked to my sister, and said out loud for the first time

While she patiently listened to me grope and stumble and

Look into my heart

That I want to write a book of poems.

And then she told me what had happened to her that morning.


About how a few days ago she had started her dream journal again.

And how she remembered different amounts of things

On different nights. How she had remembered many 


The first night, but floating out without context, sticking out

Was the message that "what you

Learn here

Will have a great impact your world". And she tells

Me how this morning she didn't remember anything, 

Except two words

And how that was kind of annoying because again,

They didn't have any context, 

And she was working on a dream journal, not a free floating


Journal. And she tells me how she thought those

Two words

Made sense, she could see the connection, and wanted

To encourage me with them, but that I had started down 

The path of my story before it had come up.


The two words were





A message from the ether? The oneness encouraging this


Our deep, blood, and bone, and love connection vibrating

Across the world and into her mind?

?"Not all coincidences are meaningful" - of course, for sure - but some are! 


No feelings of mania.

No grandiose ideas.

And I checked, of course I checked.

Mystic symbol?

A calling?

Finally, here in my hands and heart a way for me

The writer

To fight for the world I want, to help people

Who have seen the truth about the death of the planet,

A way

For me to be moral and true to myself? Of course I checked!

But nope. Just a lightening in the chest, an expansiveness.


And, of course, the fear in my mind reacts

And I say to my sister

"Yes, I can study the masters, I can immerse myself

In modern poetry, and really learn it, and become a poet"

But she is wise

And sees that for what it is -

Running away.

And tells me no, Bob, my brother, you

Wrote poetry all weekend long

You are a poet.


And I place my hand on my chest, where the feeling is,

Like my therapist taught me

And get in touch with this expanding feeling 

Of expansion

And lightness, of 


My calling.


And I really feel it, really know the truth of it

How my mind and body perceived the information I was

Receiving, and

How my mind and body

Felt compelled to communicate with the 


And said, in the way of emotions


There is something here!


And yes, I will check this with my therapist tomorrow,

And when I told my much loved brother about this


Feeling five hours later I asked what he thought -

I have been crazy/sick, and must be cautious? - but this,

This is the culmination of years of work, and months of



Today, this is my truth.


I? am a poet.


I love you.




"That's why privileged fucks like me/should whine and kick and scream/ until everyone has everything they need!" - Propagandhi




Learning to let go

And love all the things that climate change can't change


The end of all Life on earth is upon us

Can I spit in Sightblinder’s eye

Defiance to the last day?


Or do we dance? 

Do I have it in me to dance?

Do I have the community?

I literally just learned, am learning

To love myself!


I don't want you to save the world

I just want you to hold me as the world ends

The world is ending

The world is ending

This is all already dead


Your kids won't have kids.

But fuck humans, we made this bed

And we will die in it

Sure, if you are over sixty you could have

Done something about this

And you knew you should


But me and the people I love?

We just have to find the spiritual resources

In this terminal phase

To keep going, to unparalyse

And to cope with fear

And carry despair.


We were always going to die

This is the Great Filter

The only civilizations that survive climate change

Are the ones who can find an energy source

As potent as oil and not feed

Like gluttons


That's not us. We didn't or couldn't do it.

So we have come to this. The heat that will kill all life 

On earth is already in the atmosphere

And one degree of warming is already causing massive 

Disruptions we cannot deal with


They are digging anticipatory mass graves in


They have fenced in the Bangladeshis.

The elites have walked away with their hordes and

Lie to themselves that their bunkers will save them.

They won't, of course, nothing survives past 2030.


But we are alive, we do have souls, and the universe is




And someday a species might, just might, find a way

Past this Great Filter.

And their energy will be made up of our energy.


The spiritual resources indeed. 

But why?

Because of love right?

Because dancing feels good.

We knew and we did it anyways, and 

Even if I went out and blew up every polluting plant

And killed every member of the one percent

Which, for sure, I want to do,

In a passing sort of way,

The one point two five degrees of warming we already


Would go up by another one point five degrees in a week

As all the sulphites in the air from all that pollution


And we would be - we are at - three degrees warming

And the non-linear, self reinforcing feed back loops

That have already started

Would warm the planet swiftly by another ten degrees

At least.


Face it or don't face it.

Be paralyzed by fear or hug your loved ones

Get drunk or stoned or high

Or fight every single day - and you should choose fight

Of course, because fighting will make you happy

And happy is a good way to feel - it doesn't matter.

It's over.


I love you.






"That's why privileged fucks like me/should whine and kick and scream/ until everyone has everything they need!" - Propagandhi 

























Speaking to a young black man

It was

A little while ago.

It was a quick conversation

Over a joint

Which brought out the truth and passion from both of us

Or maybe it was just the listening that brought out

The truth and passion. I mean

I always talk like this, honestly and, with the 

Self possession 

Of a white male from a rich family in a 


Rich nation. It's part of my privilege, to feel like

My opinion should matter, that I should just spout out

Whatever nonsense comes to mind - or wisdom, 

For I have suffered too, a mental illness that has left me

On disability

And a physical illness that racked me with pain everyday

All over

For fifteen years. And trauma, the sharp pain that comes from having

Your life threatened and not having any

Sane way

Of saving your life. And

Unlike most,

I have read the scientific literature on climate change, and

Gone into the multi-year depression that comes with the


That all life on earth will die,

That civilization will rapidly end, soon,

And that we humans made this bed, aware of what we where doing

And now we have no choice but to lie in it - even the rich

With their billions and bunkers and bases

Will die because we took the thin shell of atmosphere

And treated it like a sewer.


So we are talking about the world's problems,

Like I do, frantically,


I can trap some one into listening, and this

Young black man shakes his head and says

"I just don't get it, I don't get why people keep saying 

This (climate change) is the biggest problem facing humanity

Today." And I reel back, suddenly marshaling facts and 

Arguments about the nature of that problem

About species extinction rates

About parts per million

About scientific deadlines, thinking this must be a problem

Of ignorance.


But I catch myself, decide to listen instead, though not


Condescending confrontation, but with a calm


"Well, what do you think the greatest problem we face is?"


His truth?

"Hate" stated emphatically but not angrily, 

Looking me right in the eye

Making it clear he has thought about this, has considered this

And lives with this everyday, especially here, in




The one word answer that rocks me back and resonates in

My mind and soul as 




He is right, of course. Hate that drives us apart and prevents

Organizing and alliances and the mass movements

Necessary to take back control from the oligarchy and

Rapidly shift the economy to meet those absolute deadlines

Hate that kills three unarmed black people in the 

Land of the Free

Ever fucking day.

Hate that makes it perfectly logical for young black humans

Everywhere to pick up a gun to defend themselves.

The hate borne of fear that comes from being a cop,

Enforcing unjust and racist laws in a country where

Everybody has a gun, and where the vast majority of

Humans are under stress as the rich pull away from

Us, the rest of us,

In a world where we never even tried to make things right

With the people we slaughtered and

With the peop?le we enslaved. 



 And yes, the wisest among us are trying to solve

Both problems at once, before society fucking explodes

Before everything dies in a hail of bullets

And nuclear fire

Or starvation and habitat loss.


There are some things we, rich citizens,

Could do over night to start down that path

Release all nonviolent offenders with a full pardon

Provide a guaranteed minimum income to everyone

Pay reparations to close the wealth gap

Declare housing a right

Decriminalize all drugs and

Take away the guns from cops,

Take away the lethal option.

This would start to rebuild trust. 

And all we would need is a marathon legislative session.


Easy and necessary.


Yes, climate change is irreversible and all life on earth

Except, maybe, those hardy? 

Extremo-philes - 

Though even they have never had to 

Adapt to a change as rapid and global as what is coming,

What is already built in -

Will be dead by 2030. So the question we have to ask ourselves is

How do we want to spend our last fourteen years?

Mired in the hate the generation that killed the planet

Built into the system?

Afraid and running from our own inevitable death?

Or holding each other?

Making art?

Being moral?


Like Hedges says, listen to the most disadvantaged

Among us, and fight for what they need.

Raise consciousness.

It's too late to stop climate change

The clathrate gun has been fired

We based our society on competition and greed and

It was a




Mistake. But it is not too late to do something about 



I love you.






"That's why privileged fucks like me/should whine and kick and scream/ until everyone has everything they need!" - Propagandhi

























Global capitalism is dying

And this is what it looks like

When a global system, a global civilization,


Look around - do you see the suffering? Do you see

The sacrifice zones, expanding, spreading? Can you

Feel the fear? If you are not afraid you are watching TV.


Do you see the surplus population?

Do you have a mirror?

You are surplus - and I am sure you are surplus,


We are all surplus now. 


The temperature has already increased by one point two five degrees

And, if all the sulfates were to fall from the sky,

If we did stop all the pollution, the temperature would


By another one point five degrees.

The thing that is killing us

Is keeping us alive.


Capitalism is dying, breaking and snapping and tearing

Apart global society, nation by nation -

But things are really starting to pick up now.

How many failed states can you count?

In France the socialists beat the people who elected them

In Palestine the Isreali's use water as a weapon on an

Open air prison.

All over the western world the economic insecurity that 

Accompanies this, the beginning of the death of capitalism,

Has caused such bitterness and rage that everyone,

Except the fucks who have enough

Are giving the finger to the rulers.


I don't want you to save the world,

I just want you to

Hold me

As the world ends. 


We have known for over a hundred and fifty years that

Capitalism was exploitive, and that the beast's internal

Contradictions would ?tear itself apart


It was obvious from the beginning that capitalism was very

Good at making wealth and also very

Good at making poverty.

I don't know how obvious it was that consumption would

Be a disaster, that we would buy our way into the


We have known for at least sixty years that carbon dioxide

Was warming the atmosphere.

We have always known that justice is important, and that

We were wired for fairness. And that love



Was the answer.


But I didn't make this bed!, screams my mind, why do I

Have to lie in it!?


Is it a privilege to be there at the end?

To walk through the streets and just see death,

To smile at the people you cross paths with,


They are dead, that they will suffer as crops fail

As habitat is lost

As sea levels rise

As real insecurity grips even the richest nations?


The brave one's say there is little chance left, that


Have to pull out all the stops, win elections and mobilize

Billions, rapidly shift to renewable energy,

Reclaim the surplus the capitalist class has stolen from 


For the last, what,

Ten thousand years? The brave ones say that


Need to listen to the science, that we need to both

Destroy systems of oppression and create systems of 


That a Green New Deal, or even a brand new system

Based on cooperation,

Or equitably sharing all the world's resources,

Or, my favorite, anarchism,

Can still save us.






That's not what the realistic ones say.

The one's with the spiritual resources to face the coming


No, that is not what they say. They say, of course,

That we were always going to die

Each individual, but also

Our civilization. And that it is coming very soon,

That it is


Already here.


I am trying to deal with this feeling.

My mind keeps piping up -

Hopefully -

That maybe this is the bipolar, and please

If you don't have the spiritual resources to feel

How this makes you feel

Dismiss this as the ravings

Of a mad man.



Twenty thirty.

All life.

Those ancient trees, blessing us with their rustling.

The kindly woman who smiles at you, despite how dangerous

That smile could be.

The intellectuals screaming to wake up and love each other

The people who have woken up and love you.

The people who want to kill some of us because we are


The capitalists who keep the system going despite the 

Warning signs, despite the cruelty and suffering and death

The people who just stayed distracted, worrying about 

The things they love

And their job

Their mortgage.

The people who fought their whole lives to make this world

Just a little bit better

The best of us

The worst of us

The vast, dysfunctional, squishy



And we won't even have the comfort of a 

Functioning system

At the end.


I love you?.






"That's why privileged fucks like me/should whine and kick and scream/ until everyone has everything they need!" - Propagandhi




















One of my values

Is that everything in the universe is connected

And has a consciousness. This is one of my

Spiritual resources 

That helps me to face the coming



I should be clear, though, that there is a big difference

Between facing the fact that all life on

This pale blue orb, this repository

Of love and life and beauty, of

Art and justice and morality

Will be dead by twenty thirty, and

Being okay with it.


I look at it everyday, having already gotten through

The initial


Depression. That was years ago, all the way back

In twenty twelve, 

When the atmospheric concentration of

Carbon dioxide - which, of course, is only part of the

Problem - exceeded three hundred and fifty parts per million.

Lasted until I started taking pills for it.

Fucking pills - what the hell am I going to do

When they stop making these pills?

But yes, years ago, that threshold was crossed and I looked

Around in shock and thought


We aren't doing anything, we aren't even close to addressing

This crisis, not even close to the masses of people


Need to know that this is the greatest threat this species

Has ever faced, by a mother fucking order of magnitude

Or two". And my brain crashed, collapsed, broke.

Trauma ya know? The feeling that my life was under threat

And that the threat was so enormous, required so much more

Then I could muster, that there was no sane response.


About two months ago, after years of searching


I finally found two people talking about what I knew to be true

That Paris was a massive lie designed to mollify

A population that had finally broken through the

Misinformation, that it was too late to stop climate change

At two degrees C, even if we stopped all emissions


Tim de Christopher and Chris Hedges, in a video called

Coping with Reality. And I felt the trauma unfreeze.

They spoke of how to cope with reality, the need for

Spiritual resources. And

I knew

They were right.

They talked about how impossible it was for most people

To see this, to know the nature of the problem we were


Facing, and how the people who could see it

Had an obligation to talk about it.


I had already written down, declared, that everything

In the universe was connected and had a consciousness,

As one of my values, a few months before, at the urging of

My fantastically-good-at-her-job psychologist,

Doctor Iara Costa, after it became clear that 

When I was

Stressed by the encroaching feelings of madness that 


Creeping up and into my life and mind, I lost contact

With my values, and that it would be helpful for me to

Codify those values. To have a list that I could look at and

Remind myself that I believed in this and that, a list to help

Me choose what to do next, because I had repeatedly

Expressed the sentiment, learned a decade before, from

Mark Kingwell, that living your life according to your values

Was the best path to happiness. He wasn't the first to say it

Just the one that said it in such a way that this young

Philosophy student was finally convinced.


So when de Christopher and Hedges said that 

Spiritual resources were how you faced the coming


I leaned into the feeling of the trauma unfreezing and thought

"Yes, I, I have those, I can do this." It was like permission to be

Spiritual again. 

You see, two of my tattoos speak to my? relationship with

The divine. One is a celtic rune that means guided spirit

And the other is just a physical representation of god.

But a few times in my life I have been


And this was accompanied by feelings of cosmic significance

And feeling like I was God's avatar on earth

That I had some of her powers,

That one of my poems would end the threat of nuclear weapons

Or that I could move trees with the flick of my hand

That I could feel the hand of an all powerful being

Holding me, that I could? see the true nature of reality -

Powerful hallucinations.

And now that I was sane again, I was very afraid of all

Those things that smacked of my insanity. So even as I 

Wrote down

This value, I fled from the implications of it, from

Using it.

But they showed me it was okay, that there was a place for it

A vital place

A sacred place

For my deeply held value.


So I face this death, everyday, and carry with me

The despair and the joy

It brings. The sadness of seeing people hurting the planet

As they go about their lives buying shit nobody needs

Walking down these streets coated with the gross aftermath

Of turning oil into gasoline, as I sit in my just lovely

Cafe, with its lovely coffee and AC and regular parade

Of beautiful woman, and every once and a while

When I catch a glimpse of a rustling tree

Or a smile

Or just completely uncaused, floating up through my


Mind - comes "this is all dead." I mean, I want to scream



And I probably should.


I don't. 


I see it. I see it everyday. And yet, I mean, there is no hope


And all these people, these happy, pacified people living

Are part of the problem.

This fucking coffee is part of the fucking problem


And fuck em right? The earth has already warmed by

More than one degree and it takes ten years for the


In the atmosphere to translate into a change in the

Global average temperature

"Much was decided before/

Any of us were born" and

"We are powerless to change/



Billions would have had to march in the streets 

Thirty years ago.

The rich and privileged societies

Would have had to radically dedicate themselves to 

Equitably sharing the world's resources

Thirty years ago.

Kyoto had to be legally binding, enforced by those billions

And aimed at completely eliminating fossil fuels

And methane

Cows and 

Over consumption

Thirty years ago.


I am not okay with it. 

But my mind ain't screaming at me to 

Kill myself




I think we made this bed, and that basing our society

On greed and competition

Was a terrible mistake,


Though I believe that

Resorting to claims of human nature,

A fundamentally unknowable thing, is always a 

Rhetorical move, designed to make the speakers position

Unassailable, and so clearly not helpful or clarifying,

It is still true, like Mr. de Christopher and Mr. Hedges so clearly said

That we, each individual and our society as a whole

Was always going to die.


But I have moved on, through the

Stages of grief to

Acceptance. I am not okay with it, but there are times when

I feel joy because of it, that hard sharp feeling of righteousness - 

You made me suffer, you traumatized me, and now the

Threat you made me feel through your


Is hunting you. 


But mostly I write poetry.



I love you



"That's why privileged fucks like me/should whine and kick and scream/ until everyone has everything they need!" - Propagandhi 
























I am no genius

Just an average guy



Writing poetry



Of saying it out loud.


It's not good poetry

It doesn't rhyme

Because I have the arrogance to think

Rhyming is trickery.

And it punches me in the gut to write it.

And it steals


From much smarter people then me


And yet this feeling, this

Judging voice


Up and says shit like

'This is all shit'

'Who is ever going to give a fuck' and

'This isn't very good' and

It hurts.


But I am not a genius

And that is okay

You don't have to be a genius to write poetry.

You don't need anything to write poetry.


I love writing poetry.

No, I don't love getting punched in the gut,

But I do love using


To cope with my feelings, and I love


With my feelings.


And I am sticking with therapy, working on that

Judging voice, trying to


It with the

Big brother voice,

Turn the attacks into what I would say

To my deeply loved younger brother and younger sister

If they were doing 

What I am doing


I am brave, ya know

Even though saying that

Makes me laugh, its

Still true. I am not a genius

But I have decided that I am going

To get up everyday

And face the world,



Clarity of vision.


Who could possibly give a shit about this

This stuff coming out of my fingers

This poetry?

But what the fuck does that matter?

I am sure as fuck not doing this for the



That makes me feel better

Writing what came before

This stanza.

Quiets the judging voice, the judging voice  that


Expects me to, what,

Be a genius?

Fuck you voice!

I know what I am!

A human.

And I have learned,


To love myself.


I love you.





"That's why privileged fucks like me/should whine and kick and scream/ until everyone has everything they need!" - Propagandhi 



Fucking pre-cancerous cells


Four weeks ago I had a mole

Taken? out of my thigh

And tested

And sure enough,

Pre-cancerous cells - a mole with

Atypical changes

Caught early, to be sure, but

Pre-cancerous nonetheless, and

If left long enough



And then last week, two more moles

Cut out, one on my arm

One on my belly

And my doctor called me today

And sure enough

Both of the motherfuckers



I know, I know, I know,

What am I bitching about?

But I ain't asking for your fucking


I am dealing with my feelings,

This rage and fear.

I have enough shit to face.

The body is rebelling.


And it's really quite the transformation.

I was walking here

To my local coffee shop

And stated, to myself


"Well of course I want to live

As long as I can"

When as recently as May 22nd

I was thinking about 

Killing myself

And thought about

Killing myself for years

And now, as I become a 'doomer'

Which means

As I face the simple fact that

All life on earth 

Will be dead

By twenty thirty

I want to live for as long as possible


And in the same month

My body starts kicking up

And making a fuss

"I am going to turn your skin

Into a constant surveillance

Problem. I am going to make you

Look in the mirror, what

Every week? To check for new 


New spots that you had better 

Catch, because if you don't



Fucking cancer. The fucking cancer

Epidemic. The environment is making

Us all sick. What we eat, what we drink

What we


When we soak in the sun,

All over the world

Chronic disease and fatal



And the earth itself is


Right before our eyes

And yet

I want to live.

I am not entirely sure why.

Is it because I want to see the end,

So I can smugly tell them

I told you so?


That's what this little eruption of


Moles taught me today, what that feeling

Of angry was trying to say to me

The skin organ turning against me

Was violating my boundaries

Was encroaching on

What I wanted.


To live as long as possible.

Even as the ideology of a cancer cell -

Endless growth -

That our leaders promised would

Solve all our problems -

Kills species at a rate not seen since the last great

Die off. As the

The sixth mass extinction really starts to

Pick up a head of steam,

Just as predatory capitalism

Collapses into its death throes

And the world's sole super power


Brings home it's foreign  policy of terrorism

 ?And fascism rears it's ugly head


Now, now

I want to live for as long as



Humans are fucking hilarious.


I love you.



"That's why privileged fucks like me/should whine and kick and scream/ until everyone has everything they need!" - Propagandhi 




















Another of my Spiritual resources


Is that the organizing principle of

The universe is


I got that from my favorite band

Of all time, 



They screamed it, I heard it

And it just made so much


Vibrated deeply and powerfully


And when it came time

To write out my

List of values

I had to

Include it.


I wasn't sure what it would mean for my 

World view, and I sure as fuck didn't know

The strength

It would give me, but I have 

Worked hard to learn to


My feelings, and it felt right.


The organizing principle of the universe is love.


I love life.

I love the oneness.

Life loves me.

The oneness loves me.

And I can be a moral person

Must be a moral person

As a way to honour that

Two way



What do you need spiritual resources for


To face the trauma

Of what is here, and especially

Of what is coming.




My death, your death

The death of all the kids

The death of all the species

The death of Gaia.


And all the sadness and

Tragedy that comes with



"All of nature ends in tragedy"

Another line sung by Propagnadhi

That struck home, that


The shell of worry and isolation that my

Bipolar type one

Had driven me into. 


"Coping with Reality"

Showed me the 

Power and

Importance of

Spiritual resources.


Thank you Chris Hedges.

Thank you Tim de Christopher.

?Thank you Propagandhi, for the line

"I like how Hedges tells it like it is"


I love you.





"That's why privileged fucks like me/ should whine and kick and scream/ until everyone has everything they need!" - Propagandhi












I am working on it, but


I still, years after Wendy the Good Witch told me

That I needed to stop, to

Spend less energy on it,

I still spend far too much




Defending myself.


I noticed it walking home this morning.

Anticipating what might be said

Laying out my response

Thinking about how the next interaction might go

And planning how to defend myself

I didn't just bash myself with worry about what

The observer

Might think

Which is proof I am making progress

As I work on

Defending myself.


That was 2 two thousand and seven when Wendy

The Good Witch

Told me that I needed to spend less

Way less

Energy on defending myself. The problem with witches

Of course

Is that they are Jacks of all trades, able to help in

Her special way many, many diseases,

But unable to specialize in any one problem

That wasn't immediate life or death.

If anything her specialty was cancer, especially the kind of cancer

That they have sent you home to

Die from.

But she saw it clearly, the external manifestation

Of my insecure attachment, trauma, and madness.


In the intervening eight years I figured out there is a 

Big difference

Between telling someone to calm down, and

Telling someone to take five deep breaths.

And that the learning that you didn't have to

Defend yourself

Equivalent of telling some one to take

Five deep breaths


Two kinds of pills, an aytpical anti-psychotic/ major tranquilizer,

Latuda, and a

Anti-depressant called Trintellix,;

bi-weekly therapy, with a 

Very good

PHD holding psychologist;

Learning you can give yourself the love that you need?,

And reminding

Yourself of that hard won truth every day;

Practicing good sleep hygiene, meaning every night

And every morning, waking up at the same time;

?Getting deeply in touch with your feelings;

Finding just the right balance, above not paying attention

To your thoughts and feelings and body, 

And below



Doing what I love to do,



And, ya know, I have really made some fucking


Because this morning I was able to say

Inside my head nonetheless

That I didn't want to feel defensive, a kind of 



A slump of the shoulders and rolling of the head,

And I stopped feeling defensive,

Mind set free

To wander aimlessly -

Because some things are

More important than



I am slowly wearing it down, shortening it's life span

And decreasing it's frequency. Chipping away at

One of the most over-learned, 

Formerly adaptive but now so


Mal adaptive,


 I have ever had ground into me.


Freedom feels so oneness loving fantastic.



I love you.





"That's why privileged fucks like me/ should whine and kick and scream/ until everyone has everything they need!" - Propagandhi







































Chapter 2


Poem idea 1



The American health



In a few years, once we have

Turned it into the greatest the world 

Has ever seen

Cradle to grave

Health care,

Whole body and ?mind

Health care,

Made by a doctor health care,




A few years later

Fight an election over

Selling it


Jill Stein for President of the United States in 2016.

Our lives depend on it.


I love you.





"That's why privileged fucks like me/ should whine and kick and scream/ until everyone has everything they need!" - Propagandhi 















Today I felt


Like destroying something ugly.

Something that many people would think

Beautiful, or at least lovely,

A group of people sitting


Eating lunch

On a sun kissed patio.


I felt like destroying it.

Not killing the people,

But ruining the experience.

What would have happened if I did?


If I did swipe the food off their tables

And scream at them that they

Are killing the planet with their

Disgusting consumption?


Would I reach one or two?

Would I alienate them all?

Would I get locked up as



That would be hilarious, 


After all these years,

Finally get sane,

And promptly get arrested for

Being crazy.


And if it is somewhere in between?


The two poles my western educated mind

Always sprouts up as the first answer.

This or that,

And it is usually somewhere in between,


Then I might reach quite a few people

Especially if I suddenly stopped,

Collected myself and

Calmed down,

Said I was sorry, but

"It is an emergency"

 And calmly walked away?

Honored the feeling and 

Lived within the boundaries of society?


I mean, that is useless, just shocking 

And screaming. Right?



We need to raise consciousness.

But what do we know about this process?


Maybe it takes a shock,

Maybe it takes me smashing a patio full of tables

Screaming about climate change

And collapsing into a weeping pile

For people here in this gold lined cage

To see, to initiate  the process of raising their



Or maybe it takes suffering, and that

Is why it has been so important to pacify us

The powerful

The citizens of the advanced economy.

Until now, of course, when they have


That thirty six percent of America 




I, of course, wrote a poem instead

You are hearing it now.

But it seems like a question

Worth asking - the idea that

I know what is going to happen, 

And should be taking action

To prevent it, stop it, mitigate it, anything.



First I thought okay, for sure, spot on

All humans are dead by 


Chomsky, pulling his punches

By saying



Then I think to myself

Well, that sounds right, that feels right

When I hear

Guy Mcpherson explain that 


Is dead

By 2030.


So what, same principle applies?

It's always somewhere in between?

Biased of course for the fact that

People don't like to think about terrible

Things, and 

Accounting for my own information,

Would be, what

Twenty forty two?


Seems like a good guideline right?

We would call that 

Twenty six years?


Like I said the other day

I would love to see

The end, to live,

As long as possible -

 I would ?even take an? immortality treatment -

So I will be aiming for,


Sixty one years old?


Gotta get that vasectomy.


Gotta start buying seeds and

Practicing gardening.


Gotta start stockpiling my pills.


But do I have to,

Do I have a moral obligation to


To push people to wake up?

I wouldn't even hurt anyone right?

Just scream and

Rant and smash their food

Cost them money,

And then let it out 

Of its home

The grief,

Just pull out the grief and weep.


So the first instinct is

Fuck humans, they made this bed

They knew for the last sixty years


They just had to make so much god damn



And then the pacifier lies of the

Environmental Optimists pops up

"We just need 10% reduction a year, 

Every year,

In the developed world,

To zero, by twenty thirty, and we can

Avoid the worst impacts

Of climate change."


So, same principle applies?

It is somewhere inbetween?

In between walking away with a 

Double middle finger -

"This ain't my fault mother fuckers!"


It's still possible to keep the human race

On a habitable planet? 

So what is that?

There is a fifty percent chance of saving humanity?


And with odds so low anything is permitted?

Or at least, anything



I love you





"That's why privileged fucks like me/ should whine and kick and scream/ until everyone has everything they need!" - Propagandhi 










Student debt


 Is officially




?Stop paying for it

And start




They have 

Made a class out of us, and

For the last eight years

Only given jobs

To that class.


Feel it.

Feel the truth of it.

Class consciousness.

Someone has grouped forty three million

People into a single


The Green Party of the United States of America.


And you know what the next 'economy'

Is going to demand of you?

Doing what you







We have enough cash resources,

We have transformed enough of the

Earth's natural resources

Into cash resources. We can

Invest it wisely, in a 

Global pension fund

With a democratically determined set of


That pays out, on an equal basis, it's profits

To each human



Step one? 

What can you do today to throw

Your body on the wheels, on the gears and the cogs,

Of the machine? 

You can bet, that because you're debt is 'guaranteed'

So odiously,

That there are derivatives, towering long run derivatives

All over chopped up portions

Of the debt.


If you took the money you are paying this month,

This exact month;

Change your bank account, do whatever you have to do,

And pay the same amount to

Jill Stein


President in twenty sixteen

And take a bet, take a stand, say

Fuck no

Fuck you

I like my odds that this debt is just about

To get written off. . .


After all

We have

To keep




After all

We are

Going to solve all the world's problems

Or even just one, the most vital one,

The extinction crisis?

With a guaranteed minimum income?


Or even the radically simpler

Problem of

Climate change?


Are we going to stop polluting the atmosphere right now

Because we have already used

Way more than our fair share

And must

Buy our

Renewable energy materials from

Developing countries?


"Jill Stein will be the next president of the USA..."

Says the New York Times

"And the union of atomic scientists have advanced? their doomsday? clock one full minute"


And they won't be wrong.


A radical, unpredictable space

A complete



Of the victims of capitalism


Never forget, the average US

Soldier gets paid




I love you.





"That's why privileged fucks like me/ should whine and kick and scream/ until everyone has everything they need!" - Propagandhi 























Today I had a fantasy


About killing the husband of a

Women I just met

Because our imagined affair

And his own stew of toxic


Had driven him to

Rape her.


I offered her a choice

Criminal charges

Mandatory therapy until he would never

Do it



Or I kill him.


Killing him seemed like the hard

But logical


A woman's right to 


Ya know what I mean?


And I didn't want her to have to do it

But probably, I thought

To myself,

I should involve her, to help with? the ?recovery process,

After a second.


And then I stopped, 

And wrote a little poem

To remind myself

That if I wanted to write

A longer poem about that I could

"I should" I think to myself

"Because it is weird"

"And lots of people share

Weird things"


And when I got to that

Little poem – a snippet -

I groaned out loud


Like a crazy person - hilarious!


Violence is always wrong

That is one of my values

But that does not

Tone down

The part of me that feels

So deeply.

But I am guided by principle

He says



I mean could I kill someone?


Obviously seems like the first answer.

Toxic masculinity, genetics, conditioning for

Greed and competition?, desensitization,

Of course I could kill.


Second answer is a recoil,

In horror





It's probably somewhere inbetween,

It is always somewhere inbetween.

So, sometimes, under certain conditions

I could kill, probably for a 

Fair amount

Of reasons, despite the stated

?Value of non-violence being important?


I suppose, then,


I shouldn't even ask, I should

Not burden

Her with a question like that, with any feeling

Of responsibility.

Of course I should kill him,

In a way that couldn't lead to



So what, same principle applies?

That is the first thought?


I love you.





"That's why privileged fucks like me/ should whine and kick and scream/ until everyone has everything they need!" - Propagandhi 










































The sound of that little tree rustling



Makes, actually makes,

Me feel

Just for a half a second,



Not calmer.



I have explained this

Thus far in my life

As due 

To the ions

That are shaken off

In the breeze.


But it is just 

Paying attention to



And yes, the note of grief

Creeps in,

Slower or quicker,

Depending on the day,

But just the act,

The moment when it snags

Your sense of hearing

And you look up and catch it shaking

Like it has always shaken

And it's not a 



And I  feel




For a moment.


My privilege astonishes me.

I have done nothing to deserve 

Any of this.

A little tuft of 'nature'

Right next to the coffeeshop?

Keeping the wealthy


Keeping them,

Feeding the beast?,

All just



Because it is lovely.

Built on the blood of millions

But beautiful.

And ugly, gross,

Horrible, hard to look at.


But not a 



Rewarded, by the genes,




?Seems as plausible as 

Anything else



I love you


- Bob,



"That's why privileged fucks like me/ should whine and kick and scream/ until everyone has everything they need" - Propagandhi










Chapter 2, snippets

The moment we adopted the ideology of a cancer cell

That is the moment it all went to shit.


"That's why privileged fucks like me/should whine and kick and scream/ until everyone has everything they need!" - Propagandhi


Mowing the lawn when the lawn is dying

Maybe for the last time.



"That's why privileged fucks like me/should whine and kick and scream/ until everyone has everything they need!" – Propagandhi


I am scared of

My attraction to body types




"That's why privileged fucks like me/should whine and kick and scream/ until everyone has everything they need" - Propagandhi


Maria Bamford

Is a hero.



"That's why privileged fucks like me/should whine and kick and scream/ until everyone has everything they need" - Propagandhi


The day she

Tasked the 


To collect the wealth

Of the





"That's why privileged fucks like me/should whine and kick and scream/ until everyone has everything they need" - Propagandhi


Is my life just a joke?

Well, yeah.

I mean,

All decided years before 

We were born

Or at least an




"That's why privileged fucks like me/should whine and kick and scream/ until everyone has everything they need" - Propagandhi


When you have a fragile mind

The idea of a fragile envelope for life





"That's why privileged fucks like me/should whine and kick and scream/ until everyone has everything they need" - Propagandhi


When you are feeling guarded

You are experiencing fear?



"That's why privileged fucks like me/should whine and kick and scream/ until everyone has everything they need" - Propagandhi




Chapter 3


Today I felt, like almost everyday

The shame of the male gaze

In? an environment


Toxic masculinity.


I remembered speeding along the highway

Looking to my right,

At the people we were passing

All day

And the only person that ever looked back

Was a beautiful woman


And my eyes dropped immediately


Sure that she sees that gaze

As a dangerous thing.


The shame of causing fear.


I love you.





"That's why privileged fucks like me/should whine and kick and scream/ until everyone has everything they need!" – Propagandhi
















The poetry of death is upon us


Because any poet

Worth his salt

Is talking about



The one's looking forward

The ones trying to look


At where we are right now.


Scientists haven't gotten there yet

Though they are getting close

After all, it takes eighteen months

To get a journal article published


But the artists look at the daily deluge

Of propaganda and actually


To what they are saying, in their 

Mad rush

To exonerate themselves

By showing us

The facts, but keep us watching by

Moving on to something else,

The artists listen and


And create.


Where we are right now.

Where we will be by the end of the year.

Where will be when the paper gets published about this month, and combined into a 


And a conclusion is drawn.

But most importantly

Where we are

Right now.


One point two five degree's warming,

With the pollution that is

Killing us

Keeping us alive,

Because at least a degree of warming is

Being prevented by

Existing geo-engineering


I love you.






"That's why privileged fucks like me/should whine and kick and scream/ until everyone has everything they need" - Propagandhi























Have you ever noticed

How I am not in a hurry

When I am

Walking around

But if you are driving

You are always in a god damn hurry?


You are really travelling much faster



So shouldn't you be taking your time?


Not rational actors.


A Rhetorical move, to be sure, but

The evidence

Is getting over whelming.

A consumption over-shoot? The most common form




That's how we choose to kill ourselves?

Where is the god damned creativity?




That would certainly leave a mark, something 

For our lives

To have meant, our

Hundred year rein over

The earth


Cancer wins again.


I love you.





"That's why privileged fucks like me/should whine and kick and scream/ until everyone has everything they need" - Propagandhi




What is adaptive?


Even for a 


For sure right. 

That is what Bamford said,

That agreed with me

Just keep doing it and eventually

Some one



Oh, are you still doing that? Oh, great.


There are no rules in poetry.


I have been trained to feel.


If this is sane,

And I am really fucking

Minute by minute

Sure that I am sane,

Then I really have something to say.


Please ignore this as the ravings

Of a 


Please take every word to heart as proof

Of my lived experience.


Today I mowed my lawn, 

Chopped down a carbon sink

With a 

Gas powered spinning blade

For forty


And approval.


If I could just get disability

Just get there, if the authorities

Would just listen to the medical

Opinion of my two doctors, my MD

And my psychologist,

That I need a break, that it

Will take time to find out

How much work I am

Capable of.


How is anybody capable of working 

Right now?

I mean you know they call it


In the academic circles,



What bothers me the most right now is that

It looks like this was a depopulation

Scheme, because now that it is


Too late,

They are getting the word out.


My first instinct is that they are laughing at us, that

This is a depopulation scheme.

And that makes sense.

I can think of reasons that could be true.

But I could also think of reasons it could be false.


My second instinct is that we are little more

Then the animals

That consciousness is shared

Far and wide


And that it is no


Against consumption over shoot.


Of discovering a power source


Using that power source to exhaustion.


Of course the Native Americans discovered oil

And they didn't turn into the


American Empire.


“Kill all the white men.”

Great song

"Just what exactly is the white history you are so proud of son? Capitalism, slavery, genocide, sitcoms?"

Great line

In a different song.


Okay, so that would start the last civilization on a pyramid

Of blood, and nobody wants that.

Most people believe that violence begets

Violence, because they see this

Simple truth

Everyday in their lives

As the rich commit the violence of


On the rest of us


And they, most people. want an end to motherfucking



Just lock up all the white men.


This work begins at home.

Let them go to jail


Relinquish all their

Ill gotten,

Blood soaked,

Gains. Every




They of course don't get to keep 'their' money

In jail either.

So we will have a good chunk of change

And control of the

Means of production.


I vote we put a fleet of supercomputers to work on it

With explicit goals

Like ecological equilibrium?;

And maximum gaps between the rich and the poor;

And True Cost Economics?;

Managing our collective investment.

That's right. Every human being

Every human being

An equal shareholder

In the means of production,

And investment

Decisions made

By supercomputers, that

Will hopefully




Artificial Super Intelligence -

But that is not like for another

Ten years - but 

Each and every human

Having an equal share of the 

Means of production,


And you do what you love

For free.


Why not?

This is the end.

We are the last humans to reside on this planet.

Abrupt climate change

Started at one degree.


What do you want to leave behind

For the geologists?

An apology?


How do we transmit an apology

Through the

Millions of years

Before there are




I love you.


- Bob,





"That's why privileged fucks like me/should whine and kick and scream/ until everyone has everything they need!" - Propagandhi 









Humans won’t survive

The end of

Global dimming





I love you.





"That's why privileged fucks like me/ should whine and kick and scream/ until everyone has everything they need" - Propagandhi















That’s why booze is legal

It actually 

Dulls the pain of




And we need it.

Alcohol or suffering.


I love you





"That's why privileged fucks like me/should whine and kick and scream/ until everyone has everything they need!" - Propagandhi


















You are traumatized

I love you.





"That's why privileged fucks like me/should whine and kick and scream/ until everyone has everything they need!" - Propagandhi 




















Chapter 3, snippets

At Bernie`s convention speech

He finishes with

"And you know what?

Fuck it.

Jill Stein is outside in the streets

Marching for justice

While we nominate a

Neo-liberal disaster.





I am walking out of this convention

To join the green party

And I urge all my supporters,

And all my delegates

To do the same.


Thank you,




And walks the fuck out.


The union of concerned scientists


It's doomsday clock by one minute.

Exciting times!


I love you.






"That's why privileged fucks like me/ should whine and kick and scream/ until everyone has everything they need!" - Propagandhi 


Obama`s speech


After he fires nuclear weapons

At China and Russia,

On August 1st, 2016:


“My fellow Americans, my fellow citizens. Climate change is real, and threatens our way of life. Abrupt climate change - or what the scientists call 'catastrophic' climate change  - may have already begun. We, the people of America, have a right to our lives, and we have the might to continue our way of life.


In three minutes, nuclear weapons, fired by America, will kill at least a billion people, in Russia and China. We are hitting their nuclear and military sites, as well as population centers, but we will leave the farmland intact. We need that farm land. We have been able to deal with the few missiles they did get off.


Let us mourn the dead.


We will also be beginning a gen-engenierring plan to keep the tempature change on the earth to less then 1.5 degrees, and eventually cool the planet to pre industrial levels.


The deaths of a billion people was in the cards. Better sooner than later.


God bless you, and god bless America."


The ultimate rational act?

Still too little too late?

Completely impossible?

What you think

Of the probability of this

Speech has

A major impact on how you

Live your life



"That's why privileged fucks like me/should whine and kick and scream/ until everyone has everything they need!" – Propagandhi



















I don’t want to give it up


I sit in this coffee shop

Finally sane

Finally happy

And I write poetry,

Drink coffee

Decafe tonight

And smoke.


I marvel at all the beautiful forms

Of woman there are

I spend time with my grief

And try and tell the truth

About the moment.


I try being. It is hard.

So much news to watch,

Facts to learn

Dead old hollow habit.

I try and just be

When I am done for the day

After the timer has gone off,


Living my life according to my values



And I am not rushing about

Consumed with a mission

Feeling god's hand on me.

Sure, I said, in therapy that

I love the oneness


The oneness loves me.

High, as I am

On learning to




Still sane.

Able to be happy because I write

Poetry about death.

That's not insane,



This is an old trauma for me

I was sure in 2012.

And now I have finally regained my sanity,

And the first thing I check

Is the state of the fight.


Not good, eh guys?


Do you ever wonder why you are allowed

To read things like Chris hedges?

Listen to things like Propagnadhi?

Watch people like Richard Wolff?

Is it because they will publish anything that

Makes them a profit, or is it

For some other reason? 

Probably because the system is changing so fast 

Anyone can get rich and some of them

Are awake.

Probably genuine resistance,



?Hedges was honest this week.


What is coming for us if we don’t

Course correct, if we go plunging

Into the climate chaos that is 

Already here in a state

Of worship of greed and competition, 

Or in a state

Wholly unlike our current state.


We do have the words to describe it.

Inverted totalitarianism.

48 people have as much money as

Half the world

Do you know their names?

Do you doubt they are in charge?

Neoliberalism, corporatism, just different names


Inverted totalitarianism. 


(timer finished)



"That's why privileged fucks like me/should whine and kick and scream/ until everyone has everything they need!" - Propagandhi 



Chapter 4

Which union

Is best for coffeeshop workers?


The service employees international union

Has a couple

Of shops in 

Eastern Canada,

Wherein we have won

The constitutional right


Collectively bargain,

So that is

Good enough.


I have their number, their toll free number,

In my phone, ready

To be relayed.


I have already planted the first seed

With Pat, the dude,

Who surely struck up

A few conversations with me

To make sure

I wasn't a killer.

He came out,

Because people have to keep busy

Because they are traumatized

By the state of the 


And was shuffling shit around,

Our left overs

All the shit they sold us

That we didn't really need,

And I said to him, to ease him into it,

The ambiguous

How many employees you got here?


Eight, he says, of which

Three are


What a fucking 

Fuck stick 

Of a move.

An eight person shop

And three of them are managers?

Looks like we are going to need to include

The 'managers'

In the union.


Is a


Soft pedal?


Have you ever thought about unionizing?


Puzzled expression.




A rush, a quick and yet


Run down of the most easily achievable benefits

Reliable hours

Better pay


Profit sharing


He gets skittish.

But the seed is planted, he has

Heard the argument for the 

First time.


We needed to unionize every work


A hundred years ago.

When they were killing

To make sure it didn't happen.

And now, in the last few years,

At least in this little corner



We have won the legal right to 

Collectively bargain.


Way isn't every shop unionized?

Why aren't the employees in every town

The people in every town

In the same union

And treating each


As an



Keeping it's money local

And shrinking its



We have the right to Collectively Bargain!

62 people have as much wealth as half the

World population!

For this shit world?!

Why haven't we gotten together

And demanded

Our mother fucking




They are terrified we


Because they know




Why don't you know

That we



You know now.

Empty the jails of the

Non-violent offenders

And violent offenders


Give them a job and the right to vote

And shelter

And therapy, and not just

Group therapy,

And fill the jails

With the rich

Until they give us


Then give them a job and 

The right to vote

And shelter.

And therapy.

It's time to unplug the heat engine.

Yes, there is probably

Two degrees of warming

Being prevented

By the pollution we spew




We have already warmed by one


Two-five degrees,

And yes,

The scientists were conservative

And abrupt


Climate change started at one degree.



No humans will survive this,


No human will survive this.


But if we stop now,

Just unplug civilization and head out into

The fields of the earth

And beg the farmers

To show us,

If they know,

How to grow food

The old fashioned way,

Our last year's will still be 



Some life

Some of this beautiful thing called


This thing I love

And that loves me,

Will make it, will get through,

And maybe learn,

From the



If we unplug civilization right now.


I know, it seems like a de population scheme

And which ever ad executive that had

The balls

To focus group and then publish

Greed is good

Deserves a special place

On the

Coming nukes,


We are just animals

And consciousness, free will, and love

Are no guarantees that we would avoid

Consumption overshoot.

Which a lot of people believed, ya know,

That somehow we were special.


Did you know plants can make decisions,

Better than humans,

Without a nervous system?

Johnny come lately and what,

What do we do as a species

Now that our extinction

Is assured?


Shouldn't we at least jettison our nuclear 

Waste into the space

Between galaxies?

Clean up a little?

Unplug and walk the fuck away

Because you know we created

A doomsday machine

And it worked?


We can unplug civilization

And keep earth

From becoming 



We were all going to die


You see that now right?

That progress was a sweet illusion?

That civilization needs a moral base?

Education and not propaganda?

Civilizations have life cycles

Our is collapsing.

The first sign I noticed was twenty years


When I found out how lotteries work.


The thing that is going to kill you

Is already in the air.

The thing that is going to kill you

Is already in the air.


I am not asking you to make your life

Mean something

Your life already means something

You are alive and

I, at least,

Love you. Your experience,

Your feelings,

Your passionate desire to live

All mean something.


I am asking you to make a choice

Between unplugging the

Heat engine

That is civilization, and leaving it




You have a choice.

Anything moral is permitted.

Don't forget your values.


I love you.






"That's why privileged fucks like me/should whine and kick and scream/ until everyone has everything they need" - Propagandhi





















This morning, as I finished my smoke

I stood by the road side,

Looked down the gross expanse

Of the leftovers of turning oil into gasoline,


Grey in the drought


Hot, hot, hot


A car, stopped?,

Down the way.


And I turned away,

Worry about the person in the car,

Worried they might be looking

At me

And thinking

What if he jumps in front of my car?


But there was an elderly couple

Sipping iced beverages contained

In throw away glasses made


Dinosaur bones, all the life that came before,

And I didn't want to disturb them

With my smoke.

So I just turned around.

And smoked.

And I stood at guard.


This is a classic example

Of the whole feeling like I have to

Defend myself or protect people

Just because they see me and there is

Some way

I can help them.


To make people like me.

Or, at least

To make people not afraid of me.


Where do we stand on that?


Initially, contempt for the feeling

Anger at myself for having it

This harsh squashing.

It is tied to 

My long history of


That this thinking about other people was an

Over-learned response to



But then, when I started writing this poem, and

Got to the part about the feeling

And had to describe it, and said


I suddenly understood, reconnected with my

Primal nature, my tribal being,

In a global citizenry.

That I want to protect people from the only

Thing I can control, what I do.

To do no harm.


I mean lord the cognitive dissonance alone!


Protection, the genes worried about reproduction.

I thought about getting my balls cut off the other day.

Just a passing thought,

Dismissed, policed, as my thoughts are,

Of crazy ideas,

But isn't the testosterone, that I have no need for

Just poisoning my mind?

Or is the gene’s control more subtle than that,

In your brain chemistry?

I have become convinced of the obvious,

That the brain is a fragile mix

And there are many things

You can do to change your brain chemistry-


Though, of course, taking medication, while helpful for millions, and saved my life?, is akin to wearing a snake - now you got this fucking snake problem!


?- and testosterone is like a whole new category

Of brain changing behaviour

With the purpose of 



I do not want kids.

Having a kid accidently would ruin me.

So shouldn't I just commit,

Not just to a severing of the lines between those


Sperm and testosterone

Producing nuggets,

But actually getting rid of them all



Well, I mean, that makes a lot of sense.

But I should get a medical opinion, explore the options, 

This one would not be reversible.


But would I really feel substantially



And the other extreme would be doing nothing,



So somewhere in the middle? So is that

A vasectomy, or is that

A vasectomy and 

Testosterone lowering medication?



I haven't made love

In eight years.

A smattering of sex,

I jerk off every other day,

But I don't know, it is just a chore.


But every once and a while, I sign on to a

Dating website -

But in the profile I talk about

The end of the world.

I am not really even trying.


But woman, oh woman,

They catch my eye

They distract my attention, and

Base rates alone,

She wants to have a kid. 


"Your environmental impact depends on whether or not you have children.

All else is noise"

For that reason alone, why be subject to

Those chemicals? 

Maybe block it only in the brain?

The latuda makes me tired,

I could handle a side effect or two,

To be free of this chemical poisoning

That still drives reproduction, even now

With what we have become? 

I want to be free of it!





Nothing surprising really,

Animals discover a food source

Consume until collapse,

We had no chance.


Easy to say now.

Musk was going to get us

To Mars

Back up the hard drive.

We were close to

Getting off the planet


We killed it.

Our vaulted


The lie of ethics

And the failure of shame.

The death of protest.

Win wars


Win elections.


It's so easy to see.

Now that


Climate change

Is here.


We knew from the beginning that

The science was conservative.

We have always known the

Precautionary Principle.

As it turns out, one degree was enough

To set off the


Climate change.


Such an antiseptic word, don't you think?

Shouldn't we say something

More invocative?

Death spiral climate change?

Near term human extinction climate change?

Too much climate change?

The end of days?


So no, even if it is one tenth

As bad as my musings

Then, no

No kids,

And god damn it

I have poems to write!


I love you.






"That's why privileged fucks like me/should whine and kick and scream/ until everyone has everything they need!" - Propagandhi 




















They found a mole on my optic nerve


A pirate patch!

As a joke, said

Three or four times

To make sure people knew

That I was okay

With what I learned.

An exercise in stepping forward

To that logical conclusion and


With that. Also, I seemed to

Make the joke

As a way of not being a burden

On the person I was telling

The bad news


I just don't want people to feel bad.


It sucks, feeling bad.


I just looked up, and saw a baby

And thought of death.


I am sane.

I check all the time.

I think, anyhow.


I don't want people to feel bad but

I write about death?

Not just the death that comes for

Each of us

But the death that comes for

All of us, our line,

DNA itself?


I am sane? I am sane and yet

I have seen the end?

I mean either the end is really here

Or I have lost my mind.



I check my mind for insanity

All day long, every day.

But just for the symptoms of 

Bioplar disorder,

Not really for general madness.


But I think I am sane. 


And I smile at people, and

I donate to causes,

And I watch movies, drink too much coffee, and

Play dungeouns and dragons,

And I ?write poetry.

You may have noticed -

Can't help but point it out

Can I?


Not well adjusted, I will tell you what.

As long as I get disability I will find a way to live on it

I will, until they pass a 

Guaranteed minimum income,

Live on disability, and 

Write poetry

About what I see

And how I feel.


There are no rules in poetry.


But I promise to be honest.


I love you,






"That's why privileged fucks like me/should whine and kick and scream/ until everyone has everything they need" - Propagandhi









What they are distracting us from

Is abrupt climate change.

This whole fucking


Of an election, the whole world

Riveted by the rise of a

Modern American fascist

The coverage of the killings,

The radio DJ talking about how volatile

Of a time we are living in,


Just a distraction.


But why? I can't figure out why the

Anonymous white men behind

Inverted totalitarianism,

The modern, stupefying, pacifying

Propaganda and control,

Why are they not screaming the truth from

Their wholly owned media outlets?


The only answer I can come up with, 

Or at least the only I answer I have come

Up with so far

Is that they believe they will survive



Climate change.


And I know they have more

Money then God, and that they

Have built themselves bunkers that can

Keep their families alive for generations

And that the hate us, the ones they have



And I know they have so much wetiko

That this cannibalism of the earth

Makes sense to their fevered, sick, twisted,



But they must have seen summaries of the

Papers I have seen. They must know that it is


That we are losing, and that their cops

And soldiers are going to turn on them

Once we start running out of food.

Have they hoarded seeds?

Have they hoarded water?

Have they hoarded breathable air?


Or has this spirit of cannibalism that runs so

Deeply in the minds of white men simply

Replaced all reason and

Fear of death?


Sometimes I think, ya know, we are just animals,

And we made the same mistake that

Any animal makes when it discovers an

Energy source that can do the work

Of production - we over consumed.


But we also enshrined greed!

We let that happen!

These fucking forces of death told the

Powerful citizens of the industrialized world

That greed was good and we

Fucking believed them!



And especially for the last twenty

Five years, since the world community

Got together, this newly formed global entity

Of global humanity, got together and agreed that

Climate change was a problem, and that it could kill

Us all and that we needed to do something about it -

Since then we have churned out more C02

Then in our entire history


The rich and powerful never had it so good!

Recycle, use canvas bags, buy a water filter

Feel righteous, like you have done your part?.


Is that what we really think sacrifice is?


And you know what really bothers me?

Fucking death, the death of all life on earth

As we turn Gaia into fucking Venus -

For sure -

But also the fact that we don't really have to 


Anything. We could grow all the food we needed

If we stopped feeding cows

There is plenty of water

If we stopped using it to make the fucking

Crap we don't really need

There is sunshine and air, and love and. . .


Is it really propaganda? Can the advertising agencies

Really turn wants into needs?

Sure seems that way.

But maybe I am just making excuses, passing blame

For my responsibility, for the responsibility

Each of us share, for the massive weight of responsibility

That the last two generations have for knowing

And doing it anyway.


I have always known the idea that competition

Produced the best results was


Or maybe I have always just hated competition.

And some people just love it, and they should

Play sports.

But greed? I mean fucking greed? 

I am not as angry as I sound today,

But still, greed?

No wonder they worked so hard to destroy any

Semblance of a liberal education, wherein

They teach you all the arguments, through the ages

Against greed.


And they are beautiful arguments, elegant,



Echoed down and down through the generations

Summed up with

Don't do what you know is wrong. 

Why did we accept it so fully?

Is it because the only way to live was by having money?


There are explanations out there.

Psychosis in various forms,

Evil, pure and simple,

The corruption of power,


A monstrous system

We were all just following orders in an endless circle of


Does it matter?

Does it matter why we have started the sixth

Mass extinction? Why we have

Fundamentally changed our planet?

Why we adopted the ideology of a cancer cell?

Isn't wondering stuff like this a

Roundabout, a search for blame

The purview of the privileged,

When it just doesn't matter anymore?


Is it too late for justice?

How can we learn from this?

What was the lesson of this mistake?

There is none, of course.

Either we were guided, lead,


By a deeply sick group of genocidal

Rich people,

Or we made the same mistake any animal makes

When it stops living in equilibrium with its


Or some other thing.

I don't have any answers

I just have this need to be moral

To make art

And to cope with my feelings,

Now that I know how.

That is why I talk about death.


I gave up drinking three and a half years ago.

I haven't started again.

Is that because I don't really believe the end is here

Or because I do?


I want to solve this problem, stop this death

And this poetry is a scream that


But it is too late

All this is dead

All the suffering will end in one


Orgy of suffering.


You won't survive, you rich fucks,

You won't. If the collapse is fast the world 

Will be radioactive

And if the collapse is slow the 

Desperate will find a way into your bunkers

And slaughter you for your



Oneness I don't know.

Tired today, didn't sleep so well last night.

Maybe that has coloured everything.

In fact, I am sure it has, rationality does not

Stand alone in the mind.

Art springs from the wholeness

Of our being.

I love how I say stuff like that, like

I know what I am talking about.

The source of art? How could I possibly know

Such an unknowable thing?

Arrogance, hubris, desperation?


Trying to figure this out is an exercise in



I love you.





"That's why privileged fucks like me/should whine and kick and scream/ until everyone has everything they need" - Propagandhi













I hate my genes

And the stupid poison 


They pump into my head to make it seem like

I should be reproducing.

Sure, sure it is natural,

And sure, sure I love life

And would love to have a kid? - 

In a different world!


I used to say that I wouldn't have kids until I had seen

The world improve, until we had done something 

About the looming threat of

Catastrophic climate change, or at least until we

Ended poverty and learned to curb


Then a good man told me that people like

Me not having kids was how the bad guys won.


Then I got very sick.

And didn't give a fuck about anything 

But coping with the sickness.

And the idea of children seemed impossible,

Considering that my health rested on

Getting a good night's sleep every night.

And then I got better, after walking away

And so much work,

And I felt the joy of health,

And I thought to myself, yeah, I mean, I could

Have kids.


Last Thursday I booked my vasectomy.

And I hate my genes and their poison that tries

So hard to control me, this natural process -

But then again, over consumption to the point

Of environmental exhaustion is also natural.

Extinction is also natural.

Killing is natural, tribalism is natural.

Morality is also natural.

Do all the privileged think every human is born good?


I both hate my specific genes, for giving me a lifetime of

Illness, and genes in general, these faulty forces,

Wholly useless to a species that can spread

Throughout the entire earth.

The madness of love.


My love for you is a grounded, deep thing.

I love all of you, all parts of you, including

Maybe especially

Your evil, your weitko, your fear of


I love you like I love all life, in its deeply

Flawed and beautiful state. I don't blame you for making it

Impossible for me to have kids,

For traumatizing me by taking away my future

For making me afraid of the madness of love.

I love you.

Because you are human.

Because you are life.

Because I can put myself in your shoes

Because I know suffering and emotion and

Because I am so desperate for answers I am willing to

Believe in



I am trying to face it, to be honest and accept

The science, and I have unfrozen the original

Trauma of knowing that I was going to die


That we were all going to die


Because of what we had done.

But, still a part of me, with this sign off of

I love you

Is still trying to solve the problem.


Or maybe not. Maybe all I want is to

Hold and be held at the end

To ease the burden of what I am saying to you -

To ease the burden of this truth.

I have always hated being a burden.

There is probably some deep seated psychological scar

Behind that, or maybe it is just my

Much hated


That made me hate being a burden.


I hate my genes.


I love you.





"That's why privileged fucks like me/should whine and kick and scream/ until everyone has everything they need!" - Propagandhi 
























Is this the month

That historians will look back on

And say 'here, here things got so bad

That humans just started killing

Each other'?


My brother said that to me today

In our daily correspondence, which

Is such a blessing, such a beautiful thing

To have a chance to talk with my

Brother almost everyday.

And I responded, saying, ya know,

Seven million people die every year

From air pollution, thousands die

Every day from hunger, with that

Number climbing inexorably higher

As we run out of habitat.

We have been killing each other 

In huge numbers

For years now.


But that is what the news is saying to us right now

That we have just started killing each other

All over the world.

Not a day goes by that doesn't see an attack

More death by violent men

And it is almost always men

Lashing out, crazed, or desperate

Angry or twisted

I mean don't you have to have something wrong with you

To kill?


Then don't all the people who throw away


And all the people that buy the shit that is causing

That air pollution, aren't all those people


Weitko. Animal nature. Toxic mental environment.

Poverty. Lack of opportunity. Missiles launched from

Drones. Could be any of these. Could be all of these.

Is the food we eat driving us mad?

Does taking a brain drug to change your brain chemistry

Change your brain chemistry


Does being kicked make you kick back?

Does trauma activate the fight or flight response?

Is that why the powerful are kicking everyone else -

To drive us mad?


A man broke into a facility where the disabled

Are cared for in Japan yesterday,

Saying to the authorities after he turned himself in

That he wanted to rid the world of the disabled.

Killed seventeen, up close, with a knife.

Is that a rational response to not having enough, to

The illusion of not having enough?

I am disabled, and require care, and pills, and therapy

Do you want to kill me?


When the atmospheric concentration of

Carbon dioxide exceeded three hundred and

Fifty parts per million I saw a clear argument

For killing myself. 

Now that abrupt climate change is here

That argument has gone away.


They tried really hard to convince me that 

Wanting to kill yourself was a sign of


But I am not so sure, ya know?

The systems that support me, the

Grocery stores where they only sell the prettiest

Fruits and vegetables and slices of meat

And throw the rest away

The laws meant to keep me safe from the

Poverty that capitalism is so inherently good

At creating, the exclusion of my armed border guards,

The way the clothes on my back are made by slaves,

And the way the heat in my home

Is heating the planet,

All made it very clear that if I loved life, 

I should kill myself. 


My doctor's called that depression, and told me they

Could make it go away.

That sounded good to me -

It is fucking terrifying when your mind is 


At you to

Kill yourself.

They did a history and determined

That the times I felt like I had the power

Of the gods or the times I was coursing

With electric energy and certainty and the feeling of

Being held in the hand of god

Indicated that I have bipolar, type one.


That changed a lot, that diagnosis.

Suddenly I had something else to focus on

Some new, monumental challenge to overcome

So that I could be happy again.

I got myself a psychologist, and learned the language

Of trauma, and learned how to listen to my feelings.

I learned to pay attention to my thoughts

And divide them into two groups




And tried to increase the first group

And decrease the second.

I discovered that the love and attachment I

Had sought since I was abandoned to cope

Alone with fibromyalgia at the age of

Fourteen was something that I could give myself.

I kept saying to her that I believed that

Living your life according to your values

Produced happiness, until one day she told me

To write out my values, and I did, and felt

My life pivot, knowing that I could love myself

And knowing that I had values I could be proud of.

And then I saw "Coping with Reality" by

Chris Hedges, featuring Tim de Christopher,

And actually felt, felt and paid attention to the feeling,

Felt the trauma of passing three hundred and fifty

Parts per million of carbon dioxide -

The trauma of having my future taken away

The trauma of knowing that I would die

That my line would die

That all humans would die -


As they told me that in order to face this

And still lead a moral life, I needed

Spiritual resources,

And there was a reason, a reason I could get behind

To believe in the oneness, like my list of values

Said I did. 


Hedges, there and other places, said that what we

Need now is poetry.

Hence the poetry.

After all, one of my values was that art

Can change the world, and I thought 

'Hey, why not make our last few decades




Or at least do my small part with

My small slice of power

And my heart full of love

To ease the suffering and fear of as many people

As possible,

By telling them the truth, and giving them

A chance

To put their house in order,

And reminding them what really matters

Is the moral life, that it is possible

To be happy on a dying planet.


But now, all this death.

This violence.

This reversal of peace, this rise of fascism,

This collapse of our systems,

This fuck killing the most vulnerable

The vanishing of empathy.



I love you.






"That's why privileged fucks like me/should whine and kick and scream/ until everyone has everything they need!" - Propagandhi 








Chapter 4, snippets

A short poem

About the ability to say

Fuck it.

Adbuster's called it most recent graphic design


Fuck it all.

I love how they tell the truth.


Civilization is a heat engine

And it is too late for humans

Too late for peace

Too late for anything but



But Gaia will deliver her justice to

All the people who adopted

The ideology of a cancer cell

Fucking endless growth

She will kill us all, so justice is coming


Fuck it



I do occasionally find it hilarious

That my philosophy background has

Convinced me that

Living the moral life is its own reward.


I don't know why I don’t



Fuck it, right?


Such an incredible power, that some how

These magic words can crush

The socialization they

Worked so hard to drill into us.


Such an incredible power

With zero responsibility

And most days, for most people

Fuck it

Seems like the only option.


I love you.





"That's why privileged fucks like me/should whine and kick and scream/ until everyone has everything they need!" - Propagandhi 






















Chapter 5

Right now, capital rents labour

But if enough of us got together

Labour could rent capital.

What would that mean?

That the eight families that control

Ninety three percent of  global capital

Would have to pay a living wage

To get their capital to grow.


It would mean that there would be jobs for

Everyone that can work, that

Wants to work,

And enough money that the people

Who can't work, or who would

Rather keep their income small and make art

Would be able to live and contribute to

The economy by getting by on a

Guaranteed minimum income.


It would mean worker cooperatives

As far as the eye can see

And that the surplus earned by production would

Be reinvested in the community.

It would mean an end to the lie of the

Socially responsible corporation -

Which is absolutely an oxymoron -

And the end of workers getting exploited.


Because that is absolutely what is happening now.

You work, and that work produces value.

The psychopaths who control all the capital

Pay you for that work,

But they pay you less than the value you produce

Way the fuck less

And take the difference for themselves,

Because they have built the system for

Themselves and made sure that capital is

Supreme, that they get to make all the investment

Decisions. You are absolutely being exploited.


Can you feel it? Can you feel the fact that you

Are getting fucked by a system designed by the

Tiny elite to keep their money and power

To themselves and to increase that money and

Power every day? Can you feel how cruel that is?

You are the one doing the work!

What the fuck is the person collecting the rent doing?

What the fuck is the person collecting the debt

Payments doing?

Keeping you down!


And they work hard, spend billions, every year

To keep the workers separated, to stop us 

From redefining the system and making it so that

Labour rents capital.

A good first step, just a start, the absolute least

They can do, would be to take all the wealth of

The top one percent, all the assets, the means

Of production that the top one percent owns

Those seventy seven million fucks,

And turn it's ownership over to the entire population

Of the earth, to everybody else,

And make the profit produced by the global system

Of production a guaranteed minimum income

For all human beings.


It is hundreds of trillions of dollars.

Hundreds of trillions of dollars.

So much god damn money, created by turning

The natural resources of this Earth,

Which we all own in common, as it is our

Home, into cash resources.

Don't you think we have enough cash resources?

Don't you realize that the workers have the power?


The counter revolutionary party that is the

Democratic Party of the United States of America

Broke all the rules and worked over time with

Their corporate pay masters to prevent Bernie Sanders

From initiating a political revolution.

In the heart of empire.


Why would they break all the rules, why would they

Create a paper trail of them controlling the media?

Because they knew Bernie could win!


Why have they militarized the police?

Why has fascism come back?

Why are they working overtime to scare you?

Why are they trying so hard to divide us?

Because they know they have created

Intolerable conditions! Because their greed has

Reduced demand so much that capitalism itself is

Dying! Because they don't think they need

Eighty percent of us. Because they are so consumed with


That they would rather cannibalize the earth then



We are going to have to take it from them.

"Power concedes nothing without a demand"

And it is long past the time when what we are

Dying for

Is a few concessions! They have hundreds of trillions

Of dollars and anyone, fucking anyone, dies from





Love each other.


Love each other.


Love each other.


Even in America, the focus of their propaganda, the

Government and people they have bought off

Kept down, divided along the most ridiculous lines,

Even in America millions and millions of people

Are snapping the chains that they have built

Around their minds and are waking up to the fact

That the people with the money don't add anything

To the business, that the workers can form worker's

Councils and take care of the investment decisions

All by themselves, in such a way that they can

Face their spouses and children,

In such a way that they can feel the happiness,

The real true happiness,

That comes from living your life according to your



Do you want to kick your fellow man?

Do you want to exploit?

Do you want to hate?

Or do you feel like you have to?


Right now, capital rents labour - labour, which is

Time, which is quite literally the spending of

Your life force. Every minute spent working is a 

Minute not spent with people you love, a 

Minute that is not spent making art, a

Minute that is not spent being moral, a

Minute that is not spent honouring your love for



Yeah, we gotta work, we have to grow food and

Channel water, people need shelter, and

Security, and all those things are being taken away

By the greed of the people that have way too much.

So yes, so life force must be traded for work.

But how much? And do you want to be exploited

While you do it? Or would you rather earn

All the value you produce?


Capital rents life force?

Or life force rents capital?

Which one makes sense to you?


I love you.





"That's why privileged fucks like me/should whine and kick and scream/ until everyone has everything they need!" - Propagandhi 





If you go to a doctor

Ask her about addiction, she is going

To tell you that

It is a bad thing.

I am not so sure.


I am addicted to coffee, and I just love it.

The taste, the smell, the place I can get it

The machine that I make it with

The pick me up, the crash,

I just love it.

Great way to start the day.


I am addicted to cigarettes, and I just love them too.

The way they feed my need for

Self destruction,

The way they give me seven minutes of time to

Just stand and look around, to think,

The taste, the smell, I love it.


I am addicted to marijuana, and I love that too.

The high, that feeling of tightness

Behind the eyes, the way your head feels lighter

The feeling of paying attention to your mind

The way the mind goes sideways,

The social aspects, the sharing,

The pure fun.


Oh sure, there are drawbacks,

Major, important drawbacks, to

Each of these addictions.

Shipped by plane and way too cheap

Slowly killing me? and made by giant psychopaths

Expensive and provided by gangs that kill

But am I supposed to believe that just because

I am addicted, that the addiction itself is a problem?

That doesn't make any sense.


What does that mean,

The potential for abuse?

This is my life and I will spend it how I want.

How do you get out of bed in the morning?

I have seen and felt the coming death

Of all life on

This beautiful blue orb, formed

Over billions of years, from the leftovers of

Exploded stars.

I have read the reports and felt the consequences

I know that the carbon dioxide in the atmosphere


Is more than enough to kill all humans and end

Our brief and glorious run.

I get out of bed in the morning because I know I 

Have a chance to make art that day

And because I want a cigarette and

A coffee

And maybe a joint

If I am lucky

Because it is awfully expensive

And poems about death

And social assistance

Don't make that much money.

That's worth it right there, right?

To help me keep going?


It also helps, as George Carlin so memorably

Pointed out,

These things help, as stated in my list of values, with

The fact that we are all wading through the shit of life.

?They are an authority voluntarily submitted to

A choice I make everyday.


I was also addicted to alcohol,

And I gave that one up

Because it made me wild

And if I am going to take my pills

At the same time everyday

Like I want to do,

I needed to be more in control, and sure

It has been three and a half years and I still

Can't see the word whiskey without

Wanting a drink.

Do I want three more


Like that?


Don't let anyone else make your 

Decisions for you.

Submit to no authority

Other than your own values,

Your moral compass.


I love you





"That's why privileged fucks like me/should whine and kick and scream/ until everyone has everything they need!" - Propagandhi 






















I remember a few years ago

When the inherently conservative 


Who were looking forward at the

Human cost

Of catastrophic climate change

Said that there would be

Six hundred and sixty million

Climate refugees.


That was after we crossed the three hundred and fifty

Parts per million of carbon dioxide threshold

But before we hit the current four hundred plus

Parts per million of

Carbon dioxide mark.

That didn't include the clathrate gun, the massive

Release of methane from the melting artic

Or any other of the fifty plus

Self reinforcing

Positive feedback loops

That we now know about.

That didn't take into account the cooling

Effect of global dimming, or even the fact that

Abrupt, catastrophic, climate change

Starts at one degree of warming,

Which is already behind us.


Now those same scientists just say stuff like

'We're fucked'

Like getting fucked is a bad thing.

And it has already started, there are currently

Sixty five million refugees, arguably

All of them climate refugees

With millions more being

Created right now,

As I sit here, in one of the grain basket's

Grain baskets, Ontario, Canada

And sweat, as another day of blazing

Sun cooks the plants, desperate for water

In a summer of blazing heat and no rain.


One degree of global warming is an average, 

Meaning there are many places hotter than that


Like the artic, spewing methane

Or Africa, full of dead crops and dying people that

Just yesterday, 

Pleaded for billions of dollars in food aid.


The United States military has already decided that

Our future is one of great power competition

For the dwindling resources that haven't already

Been turned into cash.

Will they use nukes to kill billions

To preserve their way of life?

Isn't that what Americans will demand?

Isn't that what the Chinese people will demand?

Is that what Europe will demand?

Isn't that what the people of Russia will demand?

We fought and died over the illusion of scarcity

We killed each other over economic insecurity

What will we do when we turn on the tap and

Nothing comes out?

Why didn't six hundred and sixty million refugees

Coming down the pipeline

Scare us into action?


And the frankest assessments of our chances

Don't take into account the death we will deal

Ourselves, the blood we will spill to keep

What we have. No, those frank assessments

The ones that say all of life is already dead, that the

Intertwined and self reinforcing and multiplying

Feedback loops will raise the global average temperature

By ten degree in the next fifteen years, or

Thirteen degrees if we unplugged the heat engine

That is civilization, the assessments that talk about

Human habitat loss,

They don't take into account the rise of fascism that

Could be used to keep it all going, or the

Death drive that can grip even the most rational of

Actors, or the hate that has been ground into

Our souls.


No, just the bare facts about the wide variety

Of greenhouse gases and temperature increases

Makes it clear that

This child,

That child

Every fucking child I see

Is going to die

Like they were always going to die,

Just way earlier

And with way more suffering.


The two degree target was a gross under estimation

The Paris agreement was a massive step backward

Protest no longer works and the powerful

Simply ignore civil disobedience

And refuse to let the solutions we needed to implement

Twenty years ago, like Jill Stein's

Green New Deal, 

Into the public discourse.


Hedges is convinced that the people doing this

Pulling the strings, censoring the truth, 

Are forces of death - and when I say things 

Like the stanza above

I must say, despite the railing of my well conditioned

Mind, that he is obviously right.

They knew

They knew and they did it anyways

They knew and the slammed the pedal to the metal

They knew and they accelerated the process

Poured out the carbon

Invented new, rabid, greenhouse gases

And either let,

Or encouraged,

The people profiting from those deadly gases

Mislead the public.

Yes, Exxon knew - but so did the government

So did you!

Hero's aren't made, they are cornered.

We always had the power to force them to

Stop raping the planet and using the

Atmosphere as a sewer

But we didn’t.

We didn’t.

It's too late.

Life is dead.


And in this time, of it being too late,

We have some choices to make.

Do you kill yourself and stop your portion of

The heat engine that is civilization,

Do your part to reduce demand?

Do you hoard seeds and water and air and soil?

Do you build walls and start wars, or let them

Build walls and start wars in your name?

Or do you honour your love for the oneness

And the oneness's love for you

And be the best human you can be, in

These, our final years?

Do you reject greed and competition

And embrace solidarity and art?

Do you befriend the people historically treated as surplus

Knowing that we are? all surplus now?


The global dimming that our pollution currently

Creates, the sulphates already in the air,

Are preventing between one and three degrees of 


We won't survive, humans won't survive,

Blowing up the power plants and crippling all the cars

And freeing all the cows?, but it is the least we can do,

For what comes next, right?

To step up to the plate, apologize to each other

And turn off the death machine.

So something comes next.

Are you ready to face death?

Do you have someone to hold you

As our habitat goes away?

Are you brave enough to say we must die so

Something, anything

Can survive?


Yeah, me neither.


So that's it, everything dies?

Yeah, everything dies.


I love you.





"That's why privileged fucks like me/should whine and kick and scream/ until everyone has everything they need!" - Propagandhi 






Is this hope a problem

This little, flickering, light of hope

Dimming down day by day

As the facts sink in

This hope is dying


Should I blow it out?

Is it stopping me from doing what must be done?


Lots of people who know what is going on

Struggle with the question

Of what to do.

We hear the voices, the 

Big brother voices, our

Moral compasses,

Telling us that we need to shut down


Turn off the

Heat engine

So we can honour our love for the universe, for life

So that something, anything, be it




Or daisies,

Survives this

Abrupt, catastrophic, climate change.


Or at least I do, me and Propagandhi,

Hear the voice that says

Blow up the pipeline

Storm the power plant

Rob the rich of all they have

And stop this doomsday machine.

Adbusters plays with that voice,

Alternatingly listening to it, describing it, 

Giving it voice

And selling hope, selling the possibility

Of revolution.

Jill Stein plays with it too, saying that

Our lives depend on our revolution

And admitting that human extinction is

Already locked in.


It is too late to save human civilization.

It is too late to save the human species.

But is it early enough to stop this


From turning into Venus?


Wouldn't they stop me? 

Wouldn't buying explosives get their attention?

Doesn't going to environmental protests

And subscribing to Adbusters

And giving Jill Stein money

Get you on their list?


Don't I have to try anyways?

I don't know about going to jail

As Hedges says, that is a bit too much time

To give to the state

But I do love life, I can feel that love,

As a natural extension of learning to love


I have discovered my love for life and the


I don't want to kill any one human

But my consumption is resulting in the death

Of scores of people -

I use air conditioning, that is killing people -

Why don't I feel that guilt?

Why this reluctance to blow something up that is

Killing my fellow humans and killing all life

On earth?

Is this hope stopping me?

This hope that America has woken up

This hope that, because this is the Era of the

Black Swan event

The Green Party of the USA

Could storm the halls of power

In a peaceful revolution

And lead the world, with that massive American


Into responding to the climate emergency?

It's already too late for that!

My mind says, rather forcefully, to be honest

Because I have heard the description of

The self reinforcing feed back loops

About the level of methane

Of the lag between carbon emission

And heat increase

Because I have seen the temperature increases of

The first half of two thousand and sixteen

And know abrupt climate change is here

That the world was more finally balanced

And fragile then they thought

And that the two degree target was wrong,

My mind says rather forcefully that

It is too late for that.





Death everywhere,

In the hot and tired faces of people on vacation

On the shoulders of the little kids on bikes

Surrounding my unborn niece 

That I already love.


Is this hope, this dying hope

Some kind of survival mechanism?

Some kind of protection?

What would be there if there was no hope,

In the quiet, deep parts of my mind?





"I don't want you to save the world

I just want you to hold me

As it ends" is one response

I have heard and seen.

Would my addictions keep me going?

The reason I didn't kill myself when

I was sick and my mind was screaming at me

To kill myself

Was because I wanted to be there for

My younger sister and younger brother

Wanted to see what happened to them

And to love them

Through the tough times ahead.

Once I realized that it didn't make the screaming stop

But it did give me the will and energy to

Overcome my insecurity and reconnect with them

And now I am in their lives enough that if

They needed me they would turn to me.


Some people say you need hope

Some people say this mania for hope

Is our greatest weakness 

That prevents us

From seeing through the cloud of smoke and mirrors

To the truth.

Past the illusion of scarcity, to

The coming reality of scarcity.

Tim de Christorper sees that we are doomed

And he fights every day in every way to slow down

The machine, he puts his body on the gears and

Makes it clear he will do what it takes

To raise awareness of this

Our final years.


I suppose nothing is certain

We could develop a miracle suite of 


Get the PPM of carbon back down to

Two hundred and eighty

All go vegan

Overthrow the rich

Spread permaculture and

Justice to all corners of the habitat

For all seven billion of us

Stop the march to war

All by what, six months ago?

I mean the physical state of the planet is certain

Isn't it?

I mean if the temperature can go from

Point eight five above baseline

To one point two five above baseline

In less than eight months,

Doesn't that mean that abrupt climate change is here

And that the temperature is going

To just keep shooting up?

Like the scientists say will happen?


Is this hope sealing the fate of Earth?


I love you





"That's why privileged fucks like me/should whine and kick and scream/ until everyone has everything they need!" - Propagandhi 




I believe that


Telling the truth here,

Being honest with what I see

And how I feel

Gives me the best chance of really reaching


Because people respond to the truth



That is probably magical thinking, when

I lean in and examine it.

Why would anyone trust this, because

Of my line breaks?

Because I have promised to be honest?

Doesn't every asshole out there

Every fucking car salesperson

And parent

Claim to be telling the truth

While lying out their ass?


Kant warned us about lying, about how it

Was never acceptable

That we couldn't possibly universalize

Lying so we couldn't possibly call lying right


And modern philosophers respond with a thought

Experiment, saying a killer comes to your house

And asks you if your children are there

And they are there

What do you say?

Of course, of course, you lie,

To save the lives of your children

But Kant's point still stands doesn't it?

The point made so eloquently in

“The invention of lying”

That lying is a slippery slope that starts with

Saving your kids or comforting your dying mother

And ends with

No one able to believe anything and society

Splintering apart.


And then we came along and proved

That there is no such thing as capital T


And that what you believed was based on your

Perception, and that your feelings

Were a valid guide to what you needed

And they spent billions and billions

On manipulating feelings

So that our mental environment became so toxic

That we couldn't respond to any crisis

Except with more violence

Where bombs bring peace

And debt brings wealth

And growth can be endless

And greed is good.


I don't think anybody knows what they are doing

More than half the time

As Maria Bamford so eloquently points out.

I try and be honest and feel the fear of 


When I write these poems,

The feeling that I have said the truth and that

I will be torn apart


For what is really inside me

And that feeling is my guide

Keeping me on the right path

But I don't know what I am doing,

More then half the time.


Can you tell?

Do I seem honest to you?

Do my words terrify you

Or free you

Or make you want to blow up

A coal plant?

I didn't think so.


I love you.






"That's why privileged fucks like me/should whine and kick and scream/ until everyone has everything they need!" - Propagandhi 




Is there anyone more efficient

Then a dooms day cult?

Is that why we seem to keep spinning

Towards the conditions called for

In the stone age story that is the bible




Because people fucking hate themselves

And when they hate themselves

They are very efficient, able

To take over the levers of power

Sow global discord and disruption

With a global terror campaign

After smashing the country

Where the heat engine started

Start a war

And what?

What is the fucking plan here?

Get rich


Die trying?

Take the whole planet down with us?


Is it that the 5 percent of the richest 1 percent

That are psychopathic

Are just the most efficient?


Such an easy explanation, evil here

Evil there.

Nobody knows what they are doing

More than half the time


I know it's not a depopulation plan

I know it's not a depopulation plan

But I am not sure

It makes a difference.


The singlemindedness of pursuing death

The clarity of fervent, unanalyzed

Singlemindedness -

It would make you efficient

And we have all been busy partying

Not even voting, let alone doing the work

Of being a citizen

And a death cult took over,

An armageddon cult?


Doesn't matter does it?

I mean I know that isn't what happened

But I know if it did happen

They would be celebrating

So what difference would it make?

Civilization is a heat engine

And we spread that shit



I love you





"That's why privileged fucks like me/should whine and kick and scream/ until everyone has everything they need" – Propagandhi

































Liable to corruption

Politics attracts




Need publicly funded proportional representation. 

In 1990.

Needed I suppose. And no

Billion dollar

Disinformation campaign about the greatest


Crisis we have ever faced. 

No wonder they used cigarettes to distract us.

Fight for decades over cigarettes being bad

While air pollution kills seven million a year

And sickens tens of millions more


Carbon dioxide reaches levels


To cause 

Near term

Human extinction -

Now would be a good time 

For some innovation

Like a global green Marshall plan, borrow

All the money the

Billionaires have

And then promise to pay it back



Our fingers


At least a 100 percent increase in Rand D


But why not spend a trillion a year, divided up by the size of your economy. On stopping carbon emissions


Just that tiny amount might give us a hope.


I feel like

I am 

Begging for crumbs.


So fuck that,

One trillion dollars is the least you can do

You psychopathic thieves that 

Have profited off our suffering and 

Our labour

And our common home

It has been too god damn long.


We believed all your lies

Of course we did

They were well designed

Science works very well

And it has been applied to messaging



But no more.

We are fucked now

Abrupt climate change has started

Near term human Extinction is upon us

We have a choice to power down immediately

And save some life

On our common home

Or keep going like this


Like a cancer cell


And take everything down with us


Civilization is a heat engine.

Civilization is a heat engine.

Again, civilization is a heat engine.

Think about it. Think about what. 85 degrees - last year's



Think about what has been happening this year - with

A one point two five degree of warming,

Think about what one point two five

Is doing, and

Civilization is a heat engine.

It's too late for us, and our civilization





We must unplug and let the 


Already in the sky fall and 

Turn off our nuclear plants

And fire all our nuclear waste

Off the planet

We must

Let the global dimming end

And stop murdering each other

For pieces of fucking crap

We don't even want,

Not really.


You, me, I and we,

Don't know what we are doing

More than half the time,

Do you want the shit that is murdering

Those 7 million people

Every single year?

Let the global dimming end

Stop the cause of the sixth

Mass extinction.

It's already rolling,

Stopping causing it won't stop it from happening,

But it


Slow it down,

Let the global dimming end

And no, we won't survive

But, as our fates were decided in 


Two thousand and twelve

When the atmospheric concentration

Of carbon dioxide - just one of the

Less potent

Greenhouse gas emissions -

Crossed three hundred and fifty

Parts per million


And I knew it.


Knew we were doomed.

In the decay portion

Of the cycle of a civilization.

Human extinction.


Didn't add the near term

Until recently.

Totally sane



I love you.





"That's why privileged fucks like me/should whine and kick and scream/ until everyone has everything they need!" - Propagandhi 
























I am one of the luckiest

Human beings there has ever been

Surrounded by ease

And beauty.

Figured out a way to

Steal syrup

In Ontario

Just like Trent Severn made Okay

Connected to the people I love by

Instantaneous messages,

Can write and publish and promote to the world

My poems

From my phone.


I have shade

And water, filtered even though it

Doesn't really need it

But just because it might

Lots of water

This country ya know


Please world, please

We can take at least three hundred million


Into the landmass that is coloured


At least.

Land for each of you, a small garden, 

And you can build your own home, 

You receive the same

Guaranteed minimum of income of 

Twenty five thousand dollars

A year

And you have a garden.

And an Internet connection.

Should be enough for the

Last year's 



Because here, we got everything,



Arable land

And we are getting more every year

As the permafrost melts

And releases anthrax

But still, we have medicine for that

We have everything here



Apply today. 

We would love to have you.

Especially if you can work the land.

Preference to people

Who want to tend a

Permaculture 1 acre farm

And can do


Please, oh lord, please, apply like your

Life depends on it

Move up here and just fucking get started

Establish the reality

Turn this huge landmass

Into a carbon sink

And a climate refugee resettlement nation.

To the sixty five million already on the move

And to the hundreds and hundreds and finally thousands

Of millions of refugees to come






To Canada.

And work the land.

Lord knows our fat asses sure as fuck

Aren't doing it now.


Canada alone could produce enough food for the

World when we go


A superbug away –

And if we are going to pull

Carbon out of the


As one of our dying acts, which really

We should at least



Then we ought to convert all the

Green spaces left over to 

Carbon absorbing gardens 

In all of Canada.


Now, it snows here.

Every year.

For six months

And the world's weather is already changing

And it is a lot of snow and

We just need to learn to not fight it.

Let the snow slow us down ya? know

Spend time with each other

Maybe your lover will come by

And cuddle with you


Do some repairs around the house.

Eat potatoes

They keep.

Prepare the soul for the next year.

You have no idea

We have the best soil,

Just everywhere

And we have been ridiculous,

Cutting down

Our forests and laying down our legacy of

Concrete and nuclear waste

Moving to cities

Revving up the heat engine.


That's the thing Josh Fox's film

Didn't say after soft pedaling

Soft pedaling, under selling

The extent to how much this is the end of


Was that what he did say, that it was too late to stop

The early parts of climate change,

Means at least

Six hundred and sixty

Million Climate refugees.

That is the facts.

I have read the reports.

Let's get those people out of harm’s way now

And add them to the

Canadian tax base


Canadian guaranteed minimum income

Which we are currently

'Studying' - only a technocrat says

"What, you say there is a way to end all poverty,

That people support?

Let's study it"

Instead of just fucking

Ending poverty

Which is a




I'm stealing syrup

After all


I love you





"That's why privileged fucks like me/should whine and kick and scream/ until everyone has everything they need!" - Propagandhi 

















Chapter 5, snippets

There might be four or five

Media companies, so there might be

Competition - maybe -

But they are all owned and run by

The same class




"That's why privileged fucks like me/should whine and kick and scream/ until everyone has everything they need!" - Propagandhi


That’s what I really mean

When I say the quote at the bottom

An apology, for staying

In my comfortable





"That's why privileged fucks like me/should whine and kick and scream/ until everyone has everything they need!" - Propagandh












Conclusion – August 2nd, 2016

How many people do you think

It would take

To cut and run,

Through the fence and

Overwhelm and co-op

The two lonely, minimum wage

Security guards,

And calm the scattered employees

And get to the control room

And hit the big red button

That shut off

The coal plant?


And occupy that room.

Say No.

This coal plant will not work again.

How many people would it take

To defend a coal plant 

From attackers

When you saw them coming

And knew the lay of the land

And had all those big buildings and

Security cameras

And Periscope.


Multiply that by every coal plant

And natural gas plant

And nuclear plant

On the planet.

"Turn of the lights for the Rest of Life!"

Handy slogan

If you are interested

In doing the greatest and most important thing

Any human could do

On a planet that he has already



To his species

Make sure there is something left over for

Everybody else.


Say a thousand people, at the most,

A thousand people a plant

Every power plant, hitting them

Right in the jugular

No power

No production

No dimming

Temperature increase of at least 1 more degree

A swift

And what,

A swift and what,

What kind

Of end

Do you want? Swift and full of suffering?

Keep doing what you’re doing.

Swift and glorious?

Spend everyday doing the right thing

Which, today, maybe, I mean there is a

Chance, a slim chance,

But today, that might mean

Starting to recruit your group

Of a thousand people

To do what must be done

To honour your love for life and the universe

And the universe’s and life's love for you.


A revolution in which the

Means of production

Pass into the hands of the community

Won't be enough.


Jill Stein winning outright the presidency

And the congress

And the senate

Of the world's single super power

And getting the whole world to

Reform capitalism globally

To make it easier and fairer on all of us

Won't be enough.


Sulphates in the sky won't be enough.

Silvoculture won't be enough.

Abrupt Climate Change is Here Right Now.

We have to try and move past hope and use

Our brains in a new way

Coloured with grief and 

Understanding that our Moral imperatives are 

The only thing that matters and

I can see the attraction of religions that offer atonement

But, nobody knows what they are doing

More than half the time,

This isn't anybody's fault as much as it is


Every single person who bought anything

Since 1989

Everyone who used civilization

The heat engine

It is all those people's fault.

It is my fault. 

We didn't have to believe the misinformation campaign.

But some did - but for other reasons.

Takes a lot to turn on science and reason

Why did you fucks crush the left? 

We all think it is because you are

Greedy psychopaths

We could have offered an alternative to this endless



I love you





"That's why privileged fucks like me/should whine and kick and scream/ until everyone has everything they need!" - Propagandhi 


Thanks for reading. Good luck out there. Book Two, Death of the moral imperative, is coming soon.



Submitted: September 14, 2016

© Copyright 2021 Bob Preece. All rights reserved.

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