The Dream

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
Please try not to judge too harshly.

Submitted: September 14, 2016

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Submitted: September 14, 2016



Epilogue: This article is me recounting the most powerful and only lucid dream I have had since childhood. Bear in mind I never thought I was capable of love after what I have been through with other women.

I had the only lucid dream I ever have again last night. Terrifying as it always is. I am hanging out with her and everything is fine. We are with her friends and they keep questioning why I am there. She is being the same fun loving girl who just wants everyone to be happy, even if she is more reserved with me. Things go well for a while and we have fun chilling and just talking about life and being silly. Night falls on the first day we are on apex hill watching some caribou walk past town. This is where my feeling of aprehension always starts. I am telling her about their migratory patterns and a pack of black wolves shows up. Suddenly her friends are there again (I have sent them away before to keep them safe but that has always been a bad idea in this dream so this time I ask them to help me get her home). we all go back to her house and have a beer. everything is fine for the rest of the night. The following day the sunrise is a little wonky as it always is day 2. She has a birthday party and a friend of hers is leaving town. I can tell I don't really fit into these plans but she includes me anyways. We have a lovely day with her friends but again night falls. This time we are at a cabin on a lake. We are with her friends and my closest friends are there telling me to watch my back and remember that as much as she cares these are not my people. I ignore them as I always have and out of nowhere she is a little upset with me. Again we are suddenly outdoors. This time we are surrounded by wolves and I have to fight them off to get her safe. Her friends helped again cause by this point in the dream I always know the result of not letting them help. After fighting the wolves till the sunrise we all get some rest and she tells me she has a wedding and another birthday today (sometimes it is just another two birthdays). We hang out with her friends again and their events go smoothly. Again I don't feel entirely welcomed despite how hard they saw me fight for her, but they accept me because she wants them to. In the evening we end up at a subway having dinner and suddenly she is not at the table. I search the subway and find her sitting with another friend and lose my temper about me sitting with the rest of her friends while she is over here with her one friend. She tells me off for being childish and I apologize. Things go smoothly again till nightfall when we are walking through iqaluit. We get to her friends cabin on the river and again the wolves are between us and safety so we fight our way to the cabin and on night three just as I am about to fall she kills the black wolf that sometimes kills me. Her friends and I help her get to safety and there is a celebration for her friend and her husband. they are always the kindest to me in the dream. I wake up and she is not in the cabin. I search for her and find her sitting on the rocks enjoying the sunrise and we talk for a while until the sun comes up and is a bit off colour (sometimes reddish sometimes blueish). We go back inside and her friend tells us we have to go to more weddings. The first one is for a friend's sister and always goes smoothly. Then there is an evening wedding and we are by the river while one of her friend's kids get married. The wedding goes smoothly but on the way back to the cabin we get attacked by another pack of wolves who try to take her away. She and I fight them off. When we get back to the cabin she goes and tells her friend how scary it was. I always feel ashamed that she didnt feel safe with me by her side. Again the sunrise is a little off colour but I assume everything is fine because she is still sleeping in her bed when I get up. She tells me when she joins me on the deck that she hopes I'm not upset. This confuses me because I never feel as happy as I do when in her presence. A friend of hers calls and she tells me she needs to go see him but to meet her at Starbucks later. I show up to meet her and we talk for a bit but she excuses herself and goes and sits at another table with the friend who called. They talk for a while and he keeps giving me bad looks so I lose my temper. She in her kind and caring way tells us both off for being foolish. We head over to another friends place for a birthday party. We get there and this time she walks away and leaves me with some of her friends that she knows will be welcoming. She goes and sits with the birthday girl and the guy I just lost my temper with. He continues to give me dirty looks so eventually I ask her friends she left me with what I am doing wrong. They tell me, nothing, she just isn't into guys like you. I go and I ask her if I was invited or why she brought me if I wasn't invited. She gets kind of cross and tells me I asked to be included so she made them agree. I tell her it is ok that she can get in touch when she is done. She tries to explain that her friend is just protective and I refuse to listen as I so often do. I go upstairs and suddenly I am having a beer with a friend when we hear a window break. The Black wolves are back and a pack of white wolves are fighting them off while the second pack of black wolves sneak up and attack the white wolves from behind. We get the majority of them with rifles and arm ourselves. We rush downstairs but everyone is gone. I notice the broken window is near the birthday girl's seat and we assume they must be back at the river cabin. We fight our way there but it is empty so we fight some more and get to my friends house. I call her and she doesn't pick up so I go back to the two story house and search till I find her phone in a corner. I frantically search the house and surrounding area the whole day and finally find her having dinner with a faceless man. I approach and she can tell I am worried. She tells me it is ok that he is not bad just misunderstood but I can feel hatred pouring forth from his very being. I accept this but don't go far. After dinner she joins me and tells me we are going to a house party. We get there and everything goes smoothly till the fire in the back yard has burned down to coals. She is sitting near the fire with the faceless man and I lose my temper again because his arm is around her. she reminds me that she does not belong to me or anyone else and I again leave in my anger. I return to apologize and find her gone. I search until sunrise but she is nowhere to be found. The sunrise is dim and feels heavy. All night the black wolves chased me but I stayed safe and protected myself from their relentless attacks so I made it to sunrise. I spend the next few days repeating the pattern of searching and fighting off the wolves and just as I find her. She is pulled away by the faceless man and I wake up drenched in sweat and crying.

I don't know what it means. When awake I am rational and logical once I have calmed down. I have asked many people and gotten so many differing views that I can only come to the conclusion that the subconscious processes the stuff that I refuse to accept when I am awake. So here I am another morning where all I want is to call her and tell her I will wait for her to be ready and build a home for the woman I love. However the logical part of my brain tells me again and again that she has no interest in me romantically. She also has no part in what I dream and has already told me how she feels. Is it hard? Yes, but it is better to feel this pain than just be numb to all emotion the way I have been for years. Do I want to live in a reality where my devotion to her matters? Yes, but I am but one man who would never want her to be anyone but the woman she is. She is the one woman who is always honest with me so it is enough to have her as a friend. I wish the dream would stop happening. However then I would have to wait a very long time between seeing her face. And so as fucked up as the dream is I am grateful that I can love so deeply and unconditionally even though I know I can never be with the woman I love. I cannot even tell her about this dream because I fear I would never see her again.


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