Employer Series #3: String of Ears

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Action and Adventure  |  No Houses

Submitted: September 17, 2016

A A A | A A A

Submitted: September 17, 2016



Chapter 3: String of Ears

"They're just...tiny plums you know?.." slurs Davison, mouth hanging open.

" The fuck is he yammerin on about now?!" asks the seemingly one eyed Sanza, firing at what sounds like an army just outside the door, "Fuck me! At least the last techie could shoot for fucks sake!" He appears to be bleeding from his head, neck, and shoulder.

"Never told you my name, didn't intend to, but if we get out of here Dovagoo I promise I'll give you the closest thing I have!" jokes the bloody but unbroken leader as he helps Davison to his feet.

"Where are we?" mumbles Davison as he tries to get himself together, "where is everyone?"

"They'll be here shortly, just out there ensuring our escape goes smoother than your mom's sack after a good shave!" Exclaims the ever cool headed leader as he straps a tablet and rig to Davisons left wrist and places a 9mm pistol in his right hand, "Until then-"

"Until then we do our friggin part and crack some skulls and crypties!" exclaims the almost battle happy Sanza, spitting grenade pins as he asks, "which one are you doin?!" Davison looks at the gun, then tablet, and quickly tucks the gun into his pants pocket.

"Hard drives, right?" asks Davison clearly suffering the effects of the constant drugging.

"At a girl!" exclaims Sanza, still firing a seemingly infinite amount of bullets as he jumps from and back to cover. Davison's sluggishness is instantly replaced with invincibility as he looks down and notices an injector sticking out of his chest.

"Wha! Wha! The fuck is this?!" asked the justifiably panicked Davison as he throws the injector at the leaders face, " my hearts punching me in the fuggin throa-"

"Hit this! Quick!" commands the leader as he jams a one hitter in Davison's mouth. He inhales deep, and blows out every tinch of worry. "Listen, you can call me Emp. Right now you're on my patented epi-coke and Sanza's nova-weed, so you should be feeling just peachie fuckin kean right about now."

"I told you it's Weedacane!" exclaims Sanza as he returns from the hallway with a fresh bullet graze to his cheek and an empty clip.

"Nova-weed sounds better" proclaims Emp as he turns his attention back towards the tablet, connecting the first drive and slipping it into the rig.

"Where are we?! Who are we stealing from?!" asks Davison.

"We?! They stole first!" exclaims Sanza, who returns to laying down suppressive fire, "well whatever, second! Regardless they stole from us first!"

" This big ass house is...was the old nerd guy's place. Kind of his lair if you will" explains Emp, "When the piggys came a calling, ole nerdy decided to go down with the ship."

" He didn't have much of a choice did he?! " exclaims Sanza as he lobs one more grenade down the hall, "I'm tellin ya something's fishier than this techies nethers!-"

"And we will definitely address that when the time comes," the leader interjects, " but first order of business is getting this data to our buyer. Everything you need is right there, get to it! "

"Yeah, sure thing", utters Davison as he goes over the tablet and notices a usb port on the bottom, "decrypting isn't a magic show, ya know? I need-"

" We don't have time, pussy foot!" Exclaims Sanza as he reloads and gets back to it.

"I need to cheat", confesses Davison as he clicks his watch to reveal a miniature usb drive, "give me one minute and it's open." He connects the drive and the tablet immediately shows the image of a pirate with his finger over his lips. The pirate then pulls a pickaxe from his pocket and begins to beat the screen.

"What the fuck is that thing?!" asks Emp, now loading a grenade into his rifle extension.

"Just a little something I made in college", answers Davison.

"I see why you dropped out, utters Emp, "I mean, what's the point if you can do shit like this-"

"All done, but the window is closing faster than expected. There's no way I'm making it to the track in time", says a deeper voice over the walkie, "go ahead and blow it whenever you're ready. I'll thin the herd and meet you outside."

"Well done! You better not get your masked ass killed out there! " exclaims Emp, "Ben, Zig, you close?"

"I doubt I'll be making my way to ya!" coughs the raspy voice of the driver, "The biggin's gone off chasing the poor little shits that shot his ear off!"

"Are you high?!" asks Emp.

"Are you not?" ask Zig.

"...What's your status?" asks Emp before confessing, "we're pretty low on ammo and unshot asses over here."

"Currently bullet-free, hot wiring a little cutie old techie left behind", stated Zig, trying to keep his hit contained, "After Biggin's little rampage the garage is piggy free! Don't worry, all of our charges are placed."

"Grenade!" yells Sanza running back from the door. Davison turns just in time to see a grenade fly up from the lower level. A loud bang erupts and Sanza is knocked to the ground. He quickly recovers. He then grabs two grenades from his pockets, pulls the pins with his teeth, and throws them over the railing while yelling "Muscle memory, bitch!" Davison is helped to his feet yet again. He looks around but can't see much.

"We need to move, now!" orders Emp as he fires a grenade from his rifle extension causing a slew of screams from around the corner, "this place is a pig pen now!" He makes his way to a flipped over desk, and pulls a switch from a secret compartment. "If I remember correct this will..." utters Emp.


The lower level is filled with screams and cries for help as a torrent of flames blankets the pigs. Davison can see the flames begin to creep up. "Holy shit biscuits" exclaims Davison as he is yanked from the room by Sanza, who is obviously fascinated in the sea of flames below, "this house-"

"Is a fuckin tinder box!" Full off gadgets, and gizmos, and little piggies all a roastin", exclaims Sanza with a big smile, "It's orgasmic!" The three move down the hall and make their way to a window at the end. They aren't even able to peak out before a volley of bullets begins to rain through.

"Shit!" exclaims Emp as he takes cover.

"What's our plan?! exclaims Sanza as he reaches for his last two grenades. Suddenly a panic befalls the would be assailants in the distance as a garbage truck painted with claymores comes barreling towards them. Once triggered, the explosion causes massive devastation, sparking multiple vehicle explosions, and reducing the men to lumps of flesh and crimson mist. "I just came...for sure" mumbles Sanza, peeking over the window seal.

Suddenly Emp hooks a line on the window seal and jumps. Sanza follows. Davison notices the tablet displaying the image pirate laying besides a broken computer while smoking a cigarette. He removes the hard drive from the rig and unlatches the rig. He thens tries to slide down the line, but slips halfway down. "Fuck meeeee!" cries Davision before he is caught by Zig, who winks provocativly just before dropping him on his ass. He quickly gets to his feet. "Is there another drive", asks Davison as he dusts his pants off, just in time to notice another swat van approaching.

"Move move move!" commands Emp as he rushes to the workshop behind the house.

"Get movin, I'll make sure they die regretting their life decisions!" exclaims Sanza as he runs off, clinching his last two grenades in his hands. Emp, Zig,and Davison make their way towards the building. Once inside, Emp quickly scrambles to find a hidden door but is unsuccessful.

"You sure this is it?!" asks Zig, covering the door.

"This is the one, just gotta flip a switch", proclaims Emp as he continues his search.

"Maybe there's a bookcase around here" says Davison just before he's interrupted by a loud bang from underneath his feet. It gets more intense, literally causing Davison to stumble. He is then lifted up along with a chunk of the floor by the red tented giant Ben, revealing a hole and ladder.

"Come, hurry!" commands the bloody giant, sporting a new string of ears around his neck. He looks at Emp then points down the hole.

"Uh, I don't know if you noticed, but you have...lead and debris...in your facial region", utters Emp with slight puzzled face.

"Vitamins and Minerals!" says the giant with a twisted smirk.

"Fuckin blow it!" yells Sanza as he runs past the three with his arms flailing and jumps down the hole past Ben, "a fuckin Inde-Gun's a comin!" Davison has no clue that indie-gun stands for indestructible, multi-caliber mini-gun on wheels, but seeing Sanza in full panic was all he needed to follow suit. No one waits to see the rolling death machine. Emp and Zig take turns quickly dropping down. Davison, however, decides to climb down step by step. About a quarter way down he hears a burst of shotgun fire just before the path is closed. He looks up to find Big Ben hanging from the ladder motionless, his hand caught in the bars. Davison panics and let's go. He lands in a pile of sand bags and looks up just to see a headless Ben barreling towards him. He rolls out of the way, barely avoiding being crushed by the lifeless behemoth. He stands to his feet and quickly chases after Emp and the others. He makes his way to the end of the path to an abandoned subway track. There he finds a rail car with Zig, Sanza, and Emp in view. Sanza jumps off and makes his way to a plunger. He pushes down then turns towards Emp with a smile. "Everything's goin boom!" he excalaims as he jumps back into the cart. Davison runs and leaps onto the car only to have his face flattened by the fist of the very much alive Big Ben.

"Intruder?" asks the giant as he picks Davison up by his bloodied face.

"Fuck! Did you not update his memory drive?!" asks Emp as he rushes to the newly awakened giant. "For fucks sakes Ben, you broke him!"

© Copyright 2018 B. Foreman. All rights reserved.

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