Audition Scene - 2 women - South African

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
Two ladies caught in a bind trying to create a script for a gossip tv show

Submitted: September 19, 2016

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Submitted: September 19, 2016

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Adapted from  “Suzelle’s DIY – ‘Here’s me giving Marianne a lesson on the Kardashians’ & ‘What’s happening with Kanye & Taylor?’ by Julia Anastasopoulos

Emily: (pen and paper in hand) Uri! Uri! There you are, I have been looking everywhere for you.

Uriska: The ladies room darl, where else would you find me? The more mirrors the merrier.

Emily: I really do not have time for this. We’re in serious trouble.

Uriska: Nothing a good cocktail can’t sort out, I’m sure.

Emily: Would you be serious and pretend that you actually work here for just one moment please.

Uriska: Oh Em, why are you always so uptight? My daddy told me I just need to arrive in the morning and leave in the evening, not once was work mentioned in our discussions, that’s why he hired you.

Emily: Maybe that’s exactly why I’m uptight!

Uriska: Well then, let’s work on that shall we? Breathe in and breathe out, breathe in and breathe out.

Emily: Uriska! You can save your breathing for later. Right now we have a crisis on our hands that needs to be sorted in 5 minutes.

Uriska: 5 minutes, what are you talking about? (Looks at her watch) Suzelle is on in 15, we don’t have to do anything.

Emily: Yes we do. The internet guys have gone on strike and cut the internet and WiFi cables to the entire building.

Uriska: No! No! That’s criminal! You can’t be serious! (Checks her phone and goes into a panic) How could they do this to me? How? Daddy cut my data pocket money, I have to have my WatsApp, I have too, or I’ll die! Why did they do this?

Emily: Something about a byte-sized salary, apparently, I don’t know the details, but that’s not the problem or the crisis.

Uriska: I’m going to die! That is a crisis!

Emily: No you aren’t. No, it’s not. You’ll be fine, but the show won’t be unless we come up with a script like now. The internet guys have blocked access to all our accounts. We have to come up with stuff from our own heads!

Uriska: No! What? But I have nothing in my head!

Emily: Silence Well…

Uriska: Oh no, you didn’t!

Emily: Sorry, I was actually going to say that you must have something in your head at gossip level. What were you last WatsApping about?

Uriska: (looks at her phone) Its old news, my phone hasn’t updated in 15 minutes.

Emily: So what was it?

Uriska: The Kardashians. That’s what.

Emily: (scribbling) Great. What is it? A new cabbage for the latest diet? What exactly, give me details. We have 3 minutes.

Uriska: It’s hard to explain.

Emily: Well try!

Uriska: They are a family. There’s Kim, Khloe and Kourtney and their mom, she’s Kris. All the Kardashians with a K.

Emily: Cool, so they are a family. All girls? All single? All Kardashians with a K.

Uriska: Yes, no.

Emily: Huh?

Uriska: Yes, a family. Yes, they all have a K; but there aren’t only girls, there’s also Kanye.

Emily: Hang on – is that that West guy?

Uriska: Yes, he married Kim and together they have “North”.

Emily: (writing furiously) ok… got it… right, what do they have in the North?

Uriska: No, they have North West.

Emily: Ok, if you want to be specific, but we really don’t have time to be worrying about the minor details. What do they have in the North West? Is it a house here in the North West Province?

Uriska: No! Don’t you know anything?

Emily: Well, clearly I know my geography!

Uriska: North West is not a place you silly billy, it’s a children’s name and it has nothing to do with geography.

Emily: Seriously?

Uriska: Totally, Google it.

Emily: Ugh, ok. North West son. Ha ha, the sun actually rises in the East.

Uriska: Do you want my help or not?

Emily: Sorry. Yes, carry on. Just the Kardashians?

Uriska: Then be nice. The Kardashians are the best. The Jenners are also ok. There’s lots you can write: There’s Kendall, who is GORGEOUS, my daddy says I look like her. She’s a model. That’s where I should be; but Daddy wants me to be here, for what? There’s not even WiFi anymore? I ask you with tears in my eyes, Em, why am I here?

Emily: The Jenners?

Uriska: I wish you cared a little more.

Emily: Silence

Uriska: Fine. There’s also Kylie and she’s done something to her lips, and she doesn’t look nice. The dad had a sex change and he is now a she who is Caitlyn.

Emily: With a K too.

Uriska: No, with a C. Really, couldn’t you smell that? She was a he.

Emily: But Kanye is a K?

Uriska: But he’s a he. He really is a he, he even made a song and in the song he says something really nasty, something that a he would say. It was about Taylor. Swift.

Emily: But she’s gorgeous!

Uriska: I know, but he still said something very rude about, sleeping with her, it was very rude. He said that I made that… (mime) famous!

Emily: No! So wrong! She made herself famous. What did she say back?

Uriska: I know! Really gorgeous, really famous. A stunning singer, stunning! My daddy says I look like her too. It’s like we are twins, and I can sing like her too. Want to hear?

Emily: No. Stick to the story Uri. What did his wife say?

Uriska: You’re missing out you know, my voice is stunning.

Emily: A look

Uriska: Ok ok! No need to scowl, it gives you wrinkles. She said that Khanye phoned Taylor and said “Hi Taylor, me Khanye, can I use these lyrics in my song?” And the wife, that’s Kim with a K, said that Taylor said “Sure, no problem.”

Emily: No way!

Uriska: Yes way, because then Kim put the evidence of the chat on snapchat!

Emily: Snap what?

Uriska: chat. She put the chat on the chat. Keep up Emily, you really are slow. But I don’t know, maybe it’s not real evidence.

Emily: Who knows what’s real anymore, Uri. Clearly I can’t keep up with these Kardashians.

Uriska: So much Drama!

Emily: Just what we needed, thanks Uri. I’m taking this to the shoot for Suzelle. She can make something of it in the cut. You carry on enjoying the mirrors. Bye…

Uriska: All my knowledge and that’s all I get? I need to ask Daddy for a raise, or at least for some more data. 


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