Baa Baa, Black Sheep (with footnotes)

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
just in case you needed a little help understanding this nursery rhyme.

Submitted: September 20, 2016

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Submitted: September 20, 2016

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Baa, baa, (1) black sheep (2)

Have you any wool?

Yes sir, yes sir,

Three bags full; (3)

One for the master, (4)

And one for the dame, (5)

And one for the little boy

Who lives down the lane. (6)

 

1)  Barty Butterbean Baaaaaah, or Baa Baa for short, was the junior partner of the law firm Balderdash, Baloney, and Baaaaaah, best known for their defense of a three legged man accused of stealing a million dollars of photographic equipment.  He was acquitted when the judge admitted he also "had a thing for tripods."

"I like to play with their little legs," he explained during the trial.

2)  Baa Baa believed black sheep were good luck, and always kept several in the trunk of his car, just in case.  When involved in an especially difficult case, he was seen wearing one named Blacksie on a charm bracelet, and another called Fluff & Stuff on a chain around his neck.  As luck would have it, the judge was also quite fond of sheep, and found nothing unusual about animal jewelry.

3)  During the case of Martinis VS Ginantonics, judge J. Beam Daniels became annoyed when a sheep started nibbling on his robe.

"Oh sure, sure," said judge Daniels, "ya gots sheep here, you betcha, but what about the wool?  Ya got any of that?"

"Of course your honor, three bags full," replied Bah Bah.  "They're in the trunk of my car.  Wanna take a look?"

"Ya, ya!  I like wool, it makes me feel warm and scratchy!  Case dismissed!"

4)  Baa Baa's best friend was a Mr. Master "Mixmaster" Mac Dugal, an appliance salesman and part-time ventriloquist.

Master loved to entertain at parties by placing blenders on his lap and making them talk.  Baa Baa thoroughly enjoyed Master's talking blender trick, but always thought a talking bag of wool would have been a lot funnier.

"What's better than some wool that talks?  Huh Master?" said Baa Baa.

"Okay, okay, I'll try it already.  Do you have any?"

"Out in my trunk.  I like to keep some around, you know, for laughs."

5)  It is unclear which dame Baa Baa is referring to, since he was terrified of all women, and would break out in a cold sweat and compulsively do a James Cagney impression each time he met one.  

When he ran into Suzie Shortcake outside the "All You Can Eat Bakery And Pickle Emporium", he was heard to say, "Hey, you crazy dame, stop following me or I'll call a copper!  That's right, or ... or I might just have to get tough with you myself.  It's harassment, that's what your doing.  I know all about that, I'm a lawyer!  Stay back, I have a weapon!"

The closest thing to a weapon Baa Baa owned was a pointed stick, but he had left it at home.  As a last resort, he pulled out his lucky bag of wool he kept hidden in his pants and threw it at Suzie.  

He was charged with assault and served six months of probation.  It was during this time that he took up knitting.

6)  In his later years, Baa Baa became convinced all little boys collected wool.  By the time he got up the nerve to send some to the boy down the lane, little Johnny had grown into a 6' 6", 300 pound biker that collected manhole covers.


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