What Am I Doing Here: Late Night Ramblings

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Literary Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
Curiosity peaks late at night.

Submitted: September 28, 2016

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Submitted: September 28, 2016



So it's a quiet night at home. My son is asleep in bed. I have music playing in the background. Sam Cooke. Going old school tonight. The feeling of contentment is around tonight. I have come to the conclusion that I have been angry for the longest time. I was not exactly sure what sparked my anger, but I felt it. Boiling and boiling. The heat and steam mixing together. It seemed as though the slightest little thing would make the mood dark. Like diabolical Stephen King type of dark. 

When I became a father a few years ago, It was one of the most scariest times of my life. My ex and I had just split up a few months before she told me she was pregnant. I was finished with one job and heading to start another when I got the call:

"Robert, your gonna be a father." She said.

I was working in a small town in Washington as a deliveryman. I was making a delivery when my phone started ringing. My partner was talking to the customers while I was looking over the order. When I picked up the phone, I knew it wouldn't be a good conversation. Nothing good came from talking to her. 

Well except the news that in February I was gonna be a father. 

I dropped the chair on my foot when that thought sunk in. My partner looked at me as though I lost my mind. When he asked me what the problem was, I told him that I was gonna be a dad. He said that it was wonderful news and that we would celebrate afterwards. It was our only delivery of the day and we had the day to get it done. 

Afterwards, we went to the Burger King and had a Pumpkin Pie Milkshake. Nothing like saying "Your a dad" than more calories.

Staring at my little boy sleeping, I came to realization that no matter how much this world sucks I couldn't be angry. 

I had someone that needed me to be on my best behavior. I couldn't let the mundane stress of life ruin something as good as spending time with my child.

We all have someone who needs us. We have to do all we can to be there for them, no matter what.


Have you tried to assemble furniture?

I mean specifically a coffee table. If you look at those instructions and all the tools and pieces of equipment you need to use, the impression is that you need a physicist to make sense of all those instructions.

The way they have them labeled is something out of this world.

"Take Screw U and put it up slot B and turn it till its tight."

The diagrams they have make it a lot worse. I was trying to assemble a chair that I had bought at an IKEA. I should have known that it was gonna be a trying time for me, cause I had went to IKEA.

IKEA is a place where I am convinced they hire members of MENSA to sell the crappiest furniture to unsuspecting rubes. It is an awful place. But I needed a coffee table and the prices seemed reasonable.

So I bought it and tried to assemble it. At first glance of the instructions, I knew that it wasn't gonna be as easy as 1-2-3. So I called my father and asked him if he could take a look at it. He was someone who was great at using his hands and building things. I figured if anyone could do it, he can.

He looked at it for 45 minutes and came to a conclusion.

We need backup.

He calls my Uncle Roy. Roy worked as a manager of a furniture boutique. It seemed reasonable that he might be able to help us. Roy came over and looked over our dilemma. He looked and tried to put pieces together. It didn't work for him. He decided that he was gonna bring in an extra set of eyes.

Roy called his daughter Kendra. Kendra works at an IKEA. Ok, now we are getting somewhere. Someone from IKEA could make sense of this. Perfect. Uncle Roy tagging out and bringing in Kendra for the win.

Kendra got over after work. She looked at the three guys and started to laugh. Being men, we weren't used to being laughed at. So we handed her the instructions and told her that we were gonna get drunk. She said she would put it together before we finished our beers.

After 2 sips, Kendra came over and tore up the instructions and grabbed a beer.

I asked why she did that. She said no one one should have to suffer dealing with this horror called IKEA instructions. Even IKEA professionals. 

Just goes to show you. People, please for the love of God don't go to an IKEA. Nothing good comes from it. Even their own staff thinks so.


I have a secret to share. I feel as though we will get along a lot better, if I am upfront and honest about something. It's nothing really serious. But nonetheless, I wanna get this off my chest.


Here it goes.

I haven't been on a date for almost 4 years.

I will explain. 

I just don't understand the dating scene today. I am at a complete and total loss for it. I really want to understand it. I do. If someone wants to teach me, I will pay you handsomely for it.

I was at a nice restauarant in Portland Oregon. I was meeting some friends from College there. I happened to be the first one there, so I got the seat and decided to get a drink and wait for my friends. While waiting I saw something that was quite shocking, to me at least.

This was a five star establishment. They recommend formal wear before you are allowed into the establishment. I saw a younger couple, early 20's , come in to the restaurant and totally embarras themselves. They wouldn't have viewed it that way, but everyone there would agree that it wasn't a pretty sight.

They were both crass and vulgar with the Staff and people in the dining area. What was more shocking to me, was how open they were with sexual references and descriptions of sexual acts. I mean, it was truly jaw dropping to me how they were talking about sex. It was as though they were talking about an NFL game they were watching. As offended as I was, I couldn't help but watch them. 

Trainwrecks are something that people are drawn to. We all are brought up with a certain set of morals and values. When we are thrust upon the world at age 18, we have to put those morals and values to the test. It is a sight to see people when they are devoid of any decency. You look at those people and don't want to turn away. 

As my friends got there, I had filled them in on what had happened. We spent the whole night talking about the dating scene. I was shocked to find that there is a certain openness and frankness when it comes to sex. Even on a first date. I know all about the certain social media websites that are essentially used for casual sex. I guess my concept of dating is old fashioned.

I always liked the stories and movies where you had a couple meet at a candle light dinner. They spend the night talking and getting to know eachother. They banter back and forth, heavy flirting and when the night is over you get a passionate kiss. I like that kind of style. It seemed to be more of a challenge. Now the openess of this culture is just shocking.

So now you know.


I recently found myself doing a favor for a friend. There is nothing wrong with that. Friendship has a lot of give and take. I figured for this friend I could do this particular favor for them.

I was asked to accompany a friend to a concert here in town. It was a tribute to Johnny Cash. It was an impersonater who spent 2 hours trying to convince you that Johnny Cash never died and that he was still here making great music.

Johnny Cash means a lot to me. I grew up with his music from the 1950's to the 2000's. While everyone was listening to the new acts of the day, I was delving in to his prison albums. The raw honesty from his songs were inspiring to me. I always drop what I am doing and listen to his music if it is on the radio or anywhere in particular. My favorite song will always have to be "Big River". I mean everyone loves "Folsom Prison Blues" or "Ring of Fire". Truthfully I love all his songs. 

The show was a great success. Two hours of music and dancing and just for a moment, remembering someone as special and unique as Johnny Cash. 

I'm of the belief that our heroes never really die. I think that they just go to a better stadium and put on shows for fans who have waited a long time. 

I know that when my time comes, I'll have a ticket for a Johnny Cash show waiting for me.


I have said that I always wanted to be a writer. 

I feel as though I want to clarify that statement.

The first adult book I read was "A Painted House" by John Grisham. It was about a young boy growing up in the 1950's Arkansas. When I read that book, I knew that being a writer was what I wanted to do. John Grisham had captured me. He had taken me to a world that I was very curious about and wanted to explore.

I was 13 years old.

As I got older I discovered more about Grisham and saw all the movies based on his books. 

If I ever get to see him, I would love to tell him how he changed a 13 year old boy's life.

© Copyright 2018 Robert Logan. All rights reserved.

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