don't judge

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
don't judge people on what they look like because all that matters is on the inside

Submitted: October 01, 2016

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Submitted: October 01, 2016

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Hello everyone my name is Ashley. If you were  to meet me you wouldn't really know who I am or how I feel because of telling people my feelings I put on a fake smile everyday. That smile is the only way I can cover up the fact that I suffer from suicidal depression. I know you are probably thinking like who would be stupid enough to try and kill themselves or even think that. Well it isn't really that person's fault for thinking that it's the people who make fun of them and call them names and the parents who call the kids worthless pieces of shit and say how we ruined their lives. They put stuff inside our head causing us to think these things and making our lives a living hell and making us to just want to end it. There may be people who do love us but we never know if everything is just a lie. I have had so many people turn their back on me just as I was getting to know them they made me believe that they were my friends just so they can take everything i've told them and spread rumors. Even my own father turned his back on me calling me on my birthday to tell me how much he hates me and how I ruined his life. Is that what he really wants because I can make it happen. Sometimes I wonder why I am alive. Was I just brought into this world because they wanted someone they can torture? It's not like I really have anyone to talk to I can't even talk to my own mom. 

 Everyday I wake up thinking today is going to be a good day but then I get to school and all I hear and see while walking down the hallway is people pointing and laughing at me and one day someone had the odasity to tie a noose to my locker and say if you really are that depressed why don't you do it already nobody will care because your a piece of shit and everyone hates you. Would you want to live in a world like that. Today was different when I got on the bus someone actually decided to sit with me and I think I laughed for the first time in a few months and to my surprise he asked if he could sit with me at breakfast and lunch then on the bus he sat next to me again. I wonder if this is going to be another scenario where they just use me as a joke but he doesn't seem to be that way. I'm so excited to go to school tomorrow knowing that I will have someone to talk to, it's not that I don't like people it's just that no one wants to talk to a creepy depressing girl with black hair with green tips and snake bite piercings.

All i'm wondering right now is if Ashton will sit with me we are only a few minutes away from his stop. When we get there I am going to melt at the sight of his sparkling blue grey eyes and long blonde hair. We are there oh my god we are here and now he is on the bus walking towards me and just as I thought he was just going to walk by, he sits with me and says "good morning beautiful." As soon as he says that my heart melts into a puddle. Just the thought of having a person acknowledge me is enough to make me happy, never mind the fact that a cute boy is sitting this close to me and talking to me. Once we reached the school and got off the bus I thought we were going to part our separate ways, but instead he ripped my favorite neon green beanie off my head and ran so of course I chased after him and when I finally caught up to him I was reaching up to grab my beanie as he pulled me in close to him and gave me a giant hug and said "see you later."

I didn't notice we had any classes together until today when I got into English class and then I saw him in history and math. At first I thought I was seeing things until he came up to me at lunch and asked why I didn't sit with him during class.

"Sorry I didn't know you wanted me to."

"That's why I put my bag on the seat next to me, I was saving it for you."

"Oh sorry. You could sit with me right now."

I sit at a table for two so it was just the perfect size for us. For the rest of the lunch we talked about things we liked and disliked. The whole time I was thinking how could I be so lucky.

 Later that day in science class he asked me if I wanted to go see a movie with him after school, so I sent my mom a text and she said as long as I am home by 11:30. While we were on the bus I was so mesmerized by those dreamy blue eyes that I could look at all day, but then I noticed we were getting closer to his house. That is when I started getting really nervous and almost made up an excuse not to get off with him, but in the end I ended up getting off and trying to keep the lump in my throat down. 

He has a beautiful house with high ceilings and giant windows and all I can think is of course this beautiful boy will have a gorgeous house and family. On our way to his room that would most likely be as neat and organized like every other room in the house I noticed how there wasn't any family photos up even in my house there is . Once we reached his room he kind of got shy and was scared of letting me in and that's when he said, "You are the first girl to ever step foot in my room except my mom." At first I was very confused because you look at him and think there would be plenty of girls in his room but I guess I am the first.The most shocking part was when I walked in and saw that it was a room had dark blue walls and rock band posters up everywhere I have to say my favorite was the Twenty One Pilots. The only  weird thing about his room is that he has a water bed so that means I will find somewhere else to sit because I don't want to make a fool of myself trying to sit on the bed. I ended up sitting on the floor in front of it. That's when I noticed he has a very beautiful guitar. I love to play the guitar I guess it is time to talk to him.

"so you like to play the guitar?"I asked

"Yeah I like to do covers of songs, do you play too?"

This is when I did something I never thought I would ever do and asked if I could play his guitar.

" yeah do you want to hear something"

"Of course if I know the song do you think I can join in"

Ashton walked over picked up the guitar and handed it to me. I said thanks and started to play.

"I don't know my name

I don't play by the rules of the game

So you said I'm just trying

Just trying

So I heard you are my sisters friend

You get along quite nicely

You ask me why I cut my hair

And change myself completely

I don't know my name

I don't play by the rules of the game

So you say I'm just trying

Just trying

I went from bland and popular

To joining the marching band

I made the closest friends

I'll ever have in my lifetime

I am lost

Trying to get found

In an ocean of people

Please don't ask me any questions

There won't be a valid answer

I'll just say...

I don't know my name

I don't play by the rules of game

So you say I'm just trying

Just trying

I now know my name

I don't play by the rules of the game

So you say, I'm not trying

But I'm trying

To find my way"

I looked up at Ashton to see him standing there recording me and all I could think was please don't send that to anyone.

"Were you recording me the whole time."

"Yes a voice like that deserves to be shared."

"When did you start recording."

"I started recording right before you started singing you should go on the voice or x factor with that voice of yours and I would be right there in the front row cheering you on."

"Really.''

"Yes who wouldn't want to be there cheering you on."

That is when I changed the subject," so when are we going to go to that movie?"

"Well we can go to the movies or stay here at my house we have a swimming pool and we could go swimming and then watch a movie while I cook you dinner."

"This is starting to sound like a date."

"Maybe it is, is that okay with you?"

"Yes but I don't have have a swimsuit with me."

"I didn't think you would that's why I went and bought you this."

That is when he went over to his dresser and pulled out the most beautiful bathing suit I have ever seen. It was a neon green bikini with black polka dots and it was exactly my size.

"How did you know what size I was."

"Oh well yesterday on the bus your tag was hanging out and I guess I just remembered."

"Oh cool well i'm going to go put it on i'll be back in a minute."

While I was changing I noticed that I had a giant scar across my knee from when I was younger I don't remember what it is from but now it is making me feel uncomfortable even though the bathing suit fits really good on me. I walked out of the bathroom and as I approached the door frame I noticed that he was in his bathing suit to.  I guess I could have predicted that he would have abs because sometimes you can see through his shirt. When he turned around and saw me standing there he smiled at me and said, "wow I never thought I could be lucky enough for a beautiful girl to be standing in front of me in a bikini."

 While we were walked through the kitchen to get to the pool I noticed they had this beautiful blue bulldog puppy named Gracie. When she noticed us she ran over and greeted us with slobbery kisses. When we reached the pool which was connected to a hot tub we noticed Gracie had followed us there and without thinking twice she jumped right in and swam to the other side of the pool. Not long after that it was Ashton who went off the diving board. While they were in the pool I decided to sit on the edge because I forgot I didn't know how to swim. When Ashton came back up from his dive he noticed I wasn't in the pool and swam to me.

"Hey why aren't you coming in?"

"Because I don't know how to swim."

"Come in on the shallow and I will teach you how to swim or we can just sit there i'll do anything as long as it means I get to spend time with you."

" Okay, but I rather just sit there."

"okay that is fine with me." He flashed me the same beautiful ear to ear smile he gave me when he saw me in the bathing suit.

As I walked around the pool to the shallow end Ashton did the same, but all he had to do was cross it. I didn't realize how cold the water was until it was up to my hips. In the corner of my I noticed there was a ledge so I walked over to it. The ledge was a little high for me to reach so he gave me an hand then got up there himself. In the process of getting up on the ledge his soft honey colored skin would brush against mine and give me the goosebumps, I realized i had more feelings for  Ashton than I thought I did. I have a feeling that he likes me back.

It didn't feel like we were in the pool for very long but it turned out we were in there for close to three hours laughing, talking and just having a nice time together. When i started shaking we decided to go in and watch the movie cry baby because we both loved that movie. There was a tv in the kitchen so we decided to stay in there so he could watch the movie with me. While watching the movie we thought it would be fun to make pizza and in the  the process of cutting fresh pepperoni for it he looked up to look at the tv and cut his thumb. Sense my mom was a nurse I could tell whether he needed stitches or not and he did. I would say he would need 5 or 6 but no more.

At first I don't know if he noticed that he cut his thumb until I asked him if he was okay and he asked why so I had to tell him to look down and when he realized what he done he laughed so i said, " Hey you need to go to the hospital it looks pretty bad from here."

"Okay but can you drive me to the hospital."

"Yeah sure."

I grabbed his keys and started the car he looked nervous so I told him to just keep pressure on it and that he will be okay. The hospital wasn't very far from his house it only took five minutes to get there but  we had to wait in the waiting room for a while which wasn't that fun. Once we were placed in a room Ashton asked," hey can I tell you something?"

"Yeah sure."

"I'm scared of needles."

" Don't worry if anything you can squeeze my hand as tight as you can but don't break it."

A  few minutes later the doctor pulled open the door and walked.

"What seems to be the problem today."

That is when Ashton responds with, " Well today while I was cooking dinner for my new girlfriend I cut my thumb because I was distracted by her beauty."

The doctor responds with, " Well I can see you have a very beautiful girlfriend, but make sure you watch what you are doing when using a knife understand?"

Ashton nodded his head.

"Okay now let me see how bad it is so I can determine on whether or not you will need stitches."

Ashton unwrapped the cut finger and showed it to the doctor. The doctor told him that he had to get stitches that is when I felt Ashton's fingers intertwine with mine. My heart literally stopped. Never in a million years would I ever think I would be sitting here holding someone's hand. I wish this moment would never end. When the doctor was done Ashton didn't stop holding my hand it felt like he started to hold on tighter. We filled out the discharge papers and left. While in the car he looked at me and said," Even though I had to get stitches this has been the best day of my life."

I only took my eyes off the road for a second to look at him when another car came out of nowhere and crashed into ours.

 


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