The Adventures of David and Connie-The Zoo

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
A trip to the zoo can be stressful.

Submitted: October 03, 2016

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Submitted: October 03, 2016

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The Adventures of David and Connie—the Zoo

 

By Shadowgate

 

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It was a lovely summer morning.  Linda O’Connor decided to take her kids David and Connie to the zoo.It was 9AM when they pulled in the zoo parking lot.  Linda said to them “I want both of you to stay beside me at all times.”

 

David said “but mom we want to hustle through the zoo entrance.”

 

Linda said “I know you do but I told you to stay by me.”

 

They walked toward the zoo entrance and bought their admission tickets.

 

After they entered David said “I’m hungry.”

 

Connie replied “Goddamn it you’re always hungry.”

 

Linda stopped both of them immediately and said “I want to talk to both of you about cussing.”

 

David quickly replied “Connie is an expert in cussing.”

 

Linda replied back “so are you.”

 

Connie chimed in “we learned it from our parents.”

 

BOTH KIDS GIGGLE

 

Linda snapped “ENOUGH!”

 

Linda went on to say “both of you need to stop cussing because this is a family atmosphere.”

 

Linda escorted her kids to the snake area.  David enjoyed watching them slither around.

 

Connie was not so impressed.  The next stop was the giraffes.  David and Connie both had fun feeding them.  Then they went to see the wild cats.  The leopards were noisy.  David growled and pinched Connie.  Connie yelled “MOTHERFUCKER” and smacked David.

 

 

Linda got pissed off and said “ANYMORE HIJINKS LIKE THAT AND WE’RE GOING HOME!  I’VE HAD IT WITH THIS BULLSHIT!”

 

They went on to look at the tigers, lions, and panthers.

 

It was 11:15 AM when they made their way to the elephants.  Linda said “oh David, Connie, go ahead and stand against the wall.  That’s a good place where I can get a picture of you two.”

 

David and Connie went and stood against the wall.  Linda got her cell phone out of her purse and prepared to take the picture.  She happened to be standing against the fence of the elephant display.  Right as she was about to take the picture an elephant came over and farted on her.

 

 

Linda yelled “WHAT THE FUCK!”

 

David and Connie started laughing as did some bystanders.

 

Linda began yelling “FUCK, GODDAMN IT!  A MOTHERFUCKING ELEPHANT FARTED ON ME!  I DON’T FUCKING BELIEVE IT!”

 

 

David and Connie started laughing so hard their ribs hurt.

 

Linda yelled “IT’S NOT FUCKING FUNNY!  SHIT THAT ELEPHANT MUST HAVE EATEN FIVE FUCKING TONS OF BEANS!”

 

 

One man said “excuse me I have a seven year old here.”

 

Linda said “well aren’t you happy your seven year old wasn’t farted on by a fucking elephant?”

 

An elderly lady said “if you can’t keep your language under control you need to leave.”

 

Linda yelled “KISS MY ASS YOU OLD BITCH!!!”

 

David yelled “DON’T FUCK WITH OUR MOTHER!”

 

 

The O’Connor Family left the elephant area.

 

Connie said “after all that you didn’t even get a picture of us.”

 

 

Linda yelled “GODDAMN IT!”

 

THE END 


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