Memories Of Love

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Dream
The day of heartbreak took her to the ending of life as she remembers the time of her past as she chose the end.

Submitted: October 04, 2016

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Submitted: October 04, 2016

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During the deep cold winter, I met him, my first and only love. It was a feeling I never imagine I will ever feel, but... the ending was not what I hope for. I was shattered, betray, and rejected. My love was a mistake; it was a pitiful lie.

***

It's winter again, it has been a year since I had tasted the sweetness and the bitterness of love. It was a very sweet feeling but everything started to fade. At first, it was hard and cold but the feeling started to become warm and sweet, it was very romantic, it a feeling that can’t be described but in the end, it all gone... all vanish, disappear into the thin air.

It is midnight, a rainy night. My eye fills with tear; helplessly in the rain feeling despair. My vision all blurry, to me everywhere is only darkness. The moon today has chosen to hide herself. The wind is strong; it going crazy blowing everything in its way; I couldn’t stop myself from trembling. All I can hear is the rain pouring down the ground. It a very lonely and sad night.

Today marks the day of our one year anniversary. I found out the truth behind the hidden lies. The truthful lie that has locked me on an eternal chain.

It is raining heavily, my hair is soaking wet, my clothes all soaked up with water as my whole body feels heavy. The wind blows straight at my face making me look away as my hair blow backward. The rain land on my bare face dripping down like tears. My eyelashes get heavy as I close them my tear roll down my cheek mixing with the rain. I can feel the wind touch my face, blowing the rain onto me. The cool breeze on my face makes me gaze up at the sky as a few drop of tear fell down. The sky… was as dark as I imagine it will be….

I look back as I recall the time he told me he loves me. I couldn’t forget how wonderful the feeling it was when he says he loves me with his whole heart. It was the first time I feel happiness, it was joy, but I didn’t love him when he truly loves me. I didn’t understand love, my heart was frozen in my own world, but I still choose him to be by his side but maybe it was wrong. 

By the time I know; I had fallen for him. He gave me the feeling of warmth, a feeling I never expected to feel. Everything was so wonderful like a dream. When he touches me, I can feel the tension in my body, I would always feel a magnetic attrition to him. His body still leaves a trace on me, I can feel his warmth of his hand and lip when he kisses me. When we together I feel like the time has stopped. All I need was him and only him, I didn’t care what will happen since nothing matter as much as him. I do whatever he wishes to please him, I grant him all his desire, I made them come true no matter how much I will suffer. For him, I was willing to do anything… but I was just scared he will leave me. I put all my attention on him just to receive nothing in the end.

I stop and stare down on the ground as the heavy rain continues pouring. My mind is filled with him. I feel like this is all wrong, I should have treasured the time when you did love me, as I love you, you started to back away from me. I want to tell you I love you right now. How I wish I can go back in time, to the time where it was only us, to the time where you love me. To those amazing time where we have between each other. “Maybe this is my punishment,” I whisper. Tear start rolling down my cheek as I sob harder. My surround becomes completely silent, all I can hear was my crying as if the rain was never there. I fell down on my knee and continue crying harder. 

“I… love you,” I sob. “I really love you, why…. Why do you have to do this to me, why!” I truly love you with my whole heart. I want to hear him say he loves me again. I want to see him again. I want him to say he was joking. I wish everything was only just a dream. I start sobbing harder and continue crying as the rain continues falling on me. “Why did you stop loving me, what did I do for you to treat me this way.”

I couldn’t stop myself from crying; he was my life my everything. I love him so much but he never did love me, he had never cared for me, everything was only a lie. A mere lies that has destroyed everything. I only want to make him happy, give him his happiness, give him my whole but he never did anything for me. I have been living in his lie. He never did love me, he only wants to use me, melt away my heart and throw me away. All his sweet word was just a mere lie to use me. I tell him everything; I was willing to give up everything for him even my life. For him, I was willing to do anything, no matter what it is, what mine will be his. I was always there when he needs me, but he was never there when I needed him. He never did anything for me, he never sacrifices or gave up anything for me, he never put me first in his heart. I was only a tool to entertain him. 

I would always dream about you, you were my purpose in living but now everything is only a memory, just the past it's nothing but a lie.

Everywhere get quiet down, the rain starts to lighten up. The sky starts to clear up as it took my tear away with it. My whole body is heavy, soak with water as I try to stand up, I couldn’t stop my knee from shaking, I fell down on the ground hard as shiver went down my spine. My hair was covering up my face I move it back as water splash out as my eye start to wander on the sky. The moon starts to appear behind the dark cloud. The moon is dazzling as ever; I couldn’t stop myself from looking at her.

I wonder how long have it been. I stare into the puddle left by the rain where lies myself. As this thought cross my mind. “If I were to be able to go back in time will I choose to love you again? Will I let myself be played by you again? Will I choose the same thing again? Will I let myself fall into your hand again?” If our fate never cross I wouldn’t have been like this, I wouldn’t have been played so badly and be thrown out like a trash. My icy heart was melted by you just to be hurt by this foolish love.

The ending is near as I can see the light trying to appear as the moon slowly lose it brightness. I get up on my knee and start walking to the endless horizon, to the dark end. My clothes are dripping with water leaving a splash of water behind as I walk. My body is freezing cold but it didn’t matter since the ending was near.

What my life exists for, did I live to experiences the foolish of love? Did I live just to die? My life was never mined when I was created. The sadness I had received since birth isn’t it enough already, why did love have to come in my life? Why was I even born for?

I walk toward the horizon as I step upon the freezing water. My wet clothes make me sink faster as I keep walking. The sun has started to rise. The last life I will see as I die on the new beginning. It is so bright it burns my eye as the water rise to my waist. The sun gives out the warmth that reminds me of him. I put out my hand to the sun as I sink deep into the ocean floor. The ocean pushes me down as I slowly close my eye. 

“I don’t love you.”

Everywhere is darkness; there’s nothing. Is this what death is like? I can hear the sound of beating like the pounding of my heart. Their voice everywhere buzzing in my ear but I couldn’t see anything. 

“This is your punishment.”

“This is my punishment.”


© Copyright 2017 kirarin. All rights reserved.

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