When I Saw Her Again

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
The day I found my true love, everything in my life changed.

Submitted: October 04, 2016

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Submitted: October 04, 2016

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I don't know when it was that it happened. I'm not the kind of person who believes in such a thing as love at first sight. I guess it was the amount of time we spent together, but I also spent a lot of time with other people that I never felt this way for. I don't know how to describe it, I mean most of us fall in love mainly because of beauty and even though she is beautiful, that wasn't the reason. I think it has to do with the fact that she doesn't live in a bubble where everything is perfect. Where everything she does is the right thing to do. To me, she is the most interesting person in the world. I want to get to know her family whom she tells me the most insane stories about and I want to know her crazy habits like not being able to drive with her shoe on. I want to know the faces she makes when she's feeling shy and sad and lonely, but also the ones she makes when she feels happy and overjoyed. I want to see her smile shine atop all the others and I want to see her show that smile to me. Yet love doesn't always work the way we want it to. I have the right to fall in love with whatever person I wish, but the same thing applies to that person. I knew, from the beginning, that she would never see me the same way I see her. For that reason, I always kept my feelings hidden. Remained just close enough to watch, but never to touch. It's sad, really, but I was fine with that reality until this one particular day. On that day, my friend asked how I really felt and after some denying I finally admitted to someone else how I truly felt about her. The days that followed I was feeling down. Mostly because when I had those feelings bottled up, it all just felt like a fantasy, like it wasn't real, but when I admitted those feelings, those emotions that were locked up inside of me, it all became real. The pain of knowing that the person I love most in the world would never look at me was just too lonely. It made me feel like there was no hope. Then a thought overcame me, it made me feel the most horrible of things, made me want to vomit right there. It was the thought of having to live with that pain for another year or maybe five or maybe ten. Of having to go for so long all alone. Still, I kept it all hidden because no one should know how I truly felt, ever. Things went like this for longer than I care to remember. Then, when the semester was finishing, I was talking to her just like I'd always do and asked if we should get classes together for the next semester. There I found out that I wouldn't see her again. That she'd be moving away to another school. The thought of her leaving, the thought of her going ahead without me just broke my heart and out of desperation I blurted the words I so desperately tried to keep inside of me. "I Love You" is what I said. After a little conversation she started the sentence with "I'm Sorry, But…" and from that moment on I didn't hear anything else. I didn't have to, I already knew what she was going to say and how it would turn out. The surprise from that broke my heart a second time into so many pieces that I didn't know how to get them back together. I panicked and I left her alone, told her to never speak to me again. Summer came and all I felt was regret that I couldn't fix things, that I couldn't even look at her in the eyes long enough to say I'm sorry. With time I moved on and found someone else who filled up the hole in my heart, at least for a short while until she cheated on me, but this time I was stronger. Even though that was happening to me, it didn't feel anything like that time. The semester started again and I knew that I wouldn't see her again. I went up to my first class, running a little late. I don't know why, but a part of me was hoping that when I entered that classroom she'd be there. Smiling like she always does and just being herself, but when I did go inside, I didn't see her. I was disappointed to say the least, but it was fine because I'd already moved on. I chose an empty seat and started paying attention to the lecture. I didn't notice, really, when the door opened because I was so focused on getting that class over with, but someone else came in behind me and sat next to me. At first I didn't know who it was, but I imagined it was a friend of mine since they sat with me. I was secretly hoping it was her, but it just turned out to be a friend of mine I hadn't seen in a while. It was fine, really it was. My wish hadn't come through, but I was fine. Just when I thought the pressure was gone and I didn't need to worry anymore, she came into the room. Sweaty from running and gasping for air, but there she was, bright as always with a smile on her face. Once again, she was in my life, but all I wanted was for her not to be. The weeks passed and we didn't really talk anymore, we sat on opposite sides of the classroom without even sharing any eye contact. Eventually I learned she got herself a boyfriend and she was happy. The smile I wanted to bring to her face was there, the one that stood atop everyone else's, but it wasn't me who brought it to her face. There was this one month after the beginning of classes where she didn't show up at all. I was trying not to worry, but at some point I ended up asking one of her friend who told me she'd been in an accident, a terrible one. She'd gotten a scar across her face and she was so ashamed of it that she didn't want anyone to see her. Weeks went by and she still didn't show up. To be honest, she was no longer a part of my life, but I still worried about her. I still cared so much for her that I pushed aside my pride and called her. It was awkward at first, but at some point I got the conversation moving and I think I made her laugh when she needed it the most. Since then, we talked every day and she even came back to take classes. The scar was large and I understood why she felt the way she did, but I didn't care. We spent more time together since then than ever before and we got closer than ever, too. She told me more about her family and about the habits she got through the vacation. She told me more about the things she thought and the things she liked and about how she was still the same person, but most of all she showed me her grandest smile. Then this one day, I saw her sitting alone, crying. I went up to ask her, but she could only look at me. Her eyes were screaming, filled with pain and anger and so much loneliness that they screamed. Her boyfriend left her for someone else. At first I didn't know what to say, that pain isn't something that simple words can fix and I didn't have anything to say. A few minutes went by and a feeling came to me, something I hadn't felt in a long time and there I found the words. "I still love you" I said to her. Her face was filled with awe as she questioned me on why I would say that. She was curious on why I still felt that way when she had turned into something so hideous and even though her eyes kept crying, I couldn't help but notice that she was smiling. At that moment I told her everything I felt, everything I bottled up. I was expecting her to break my heart a third time, but what she did surprised me more than anything that had ever happened in my life. She said "I don't know how it happened… but I'm in love with you too". And ever since then I was with the love of my life. I didn't care that she didn't look the same, that her face changed so much. All I cared about was the fact that the one person I loved the most, loved me back.


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