Devils circle

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
An everyday problem a lot of people have to struggle with. Eating disorders are a disease and so many people just don't know enough about it. A lot of them don't even know that they have one.

Submitted: October 05, 2016

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Submitted: October 05, 2016

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I'm hungry.

My body cries for food, for something to work.

But I need to be strong - strong so I can become what I want.

Skinny.

My body is about to faint, but my mind still says: Don't eat!

I want to eat, really, but I can't.

Every bite, every piece, every calorie counts.

I see how the scale is getting lower - I'm happy.

But only minutes later I start thinking - What should I eat today?

Afte I ate - what should I eat next?

The time between the meals is pain - hunger.

The whole day is about food.

My whole mind is focused on food.

I love food - but I hate it.

Every day I fight.

But there are days where I lose.

Lose against the hunger - binging.

I can't stop eating.

I need to try everything.

I'm full.

Full of food - and regrets.

Why did I do this?

Now I've gained weight again.

I can't puke - I'm afraid of that.Everything what I've done so far is lost.

Fuck.

Laying in bed all day.

Depressed.

I hate myself - I'm weak - I'll never reach anything.

Maybe it helps, when I cut myself?

Blood - It reminds me that I'm still alive when I see it.

Somebody help me!

God, if you're there, please let me be skinny tomorrow, when I wake up.

So I don't have to struggle with this anymore - so I can be happy.

I promise, I'll do anything for it, I'll give you my life.

Next morning.

Nothing's changed.

WHY GOD?! Why don't you hear my prayers?

Trying again.

What should I eat?

It goes on and on.

More failures than wins.

Years go by.

Wasted years.

Nothing reached.

I'll try again.

Failure.

Devils circle.


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