Thinking About Marriage

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: October 07, 2016

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Submitted: October 07, 2016



One night when I was alone in bed and feeling lonely and sorry for myself for being alone, which is a feeling I hate, and thought maybe, I should stop living by myself and began to think about that longest surviving institution in the world called marriage. I know I’d make my mother happy as all get out, but she wasn’t the main reason I was thinking about marriage. I was.

The word marriage, though, really scared the hell out of me ‘cause it spells out all those things like responsibility and sharing and being with one person and always and forever… and I must be honest with you and tell you that I find it very difficult to grasp besides not even believing it’s possible.

I mean all my life I was in love and out of love, and if I married the girl I was in love with at the time I was in love with her, I would be surely divorced by now ‘cause I’m definitely not in love with her now. You know what I mean.

So, I kept asking myself, who’s the right girl and when is the right time to get married. I remember when I was seventeen, I was crazy about Ety. To me, she was the cat’s meow. She was on my brain thirty hours each day and that was eight days a week. She was everything, had everything. To me, she was God’s only perfect creation; and, we planned on being together forever and that’s including after death too. And to tell you the truth, I’m not really sure why we broke up, but we did, and when I saw Ety a year later, I couldn’t understand how I ever thought she was perfect. I couldn’t understand my own taste, I just couldn’t figure it out. How could I have been so wrong.

When I was a senior in high school there was Daniella and later my heart and feelings were only for Sophia, and I kept wondering who could I be with that would last forever. I mean love that would last longer than Valentino was faithful to one woman. You understand that in my life this thing called love came and went as often as I was buying a new pair of sneakers. So, why should I believe that the one I love now will last longer than any of the girls I loved before. I know my mother used to call it puppy love. But to me, it was real and wonderful. I believed in forever, so why should tomorrow be different from yesterday. Nothing ever seemed to last.

In India, you know, many of the marriages are arranged which may be as good as any other way of choosing a wife. That is, if you can figure out what makes a marriage last and what’s the reason it doesn’t last. Even I realize that the hot passionate feelings begin to fade in a year or so. Maybe more, maybe less, or maybe depends on how often you’re on top of each other the first year. Do you come home for a quickie at lunch time, or wait for your dessert after dinner? Or do you wake up in the morning with a full head of steam and can’t leave bed without an adjustment… which reminds me what a friend of mine once told me. He said that if you put a coin in a jar each time you have sex the first year you’re married and then take one coin out of the jar each time you have sex after the first year, you’ll definitely never empty the jar. I sure hope he’s wrong, believe me, but I think he’s probably right.

Anyway, going back to India, you understand that they figure experience counts, and the older you are the better chance you have of deciding who to live with and make marriage last. So, older folks, the parents, who probably aren’t happily married themselves, are better able to make that decision than the two people getting married. Isn’t that a kick in the ass. So, the parents for the good of the children undoubtedly think of family, similar taste, money of course, the potential possibilities of the children and all those things that the kids start thinking about after the hot days and the hot nights begin fading. It may be right and it may be best. But it sure takes the fun out of it. I mean leading with your heart instead of your head should be the best days of your life. I think they are, and besides that, I wasn’t born in India, so I guess I’m still on my own in choosing the right wife all by myself.

Figuring correctly, that the passion doesn’t last too long, then I should begin thinking about marrying someone for something else besides good sex. Since I don’t want to be alone then maybe I should think about finding a good friend who will probably make a good wife. You know, a girl who’s fun to be with and not a total bore, care about my feelings, and doesn’t have to look in the mirror too often worrying about herself. And, if she likes cooking it’ll be great. She’ll make dishes like my mother used to and then one day we’ll have kids. Yeah, I like kids, lots of ‘em running around and laughing, being happy and all, and knowing that their mother loves ‘em and takes care of ‘em, and protects ‘em like she’ll take care of me even if she doesn’t think I’m always right. She’ll want to be with me ‘cause it’s me and that’s the girl I should be looking for.

But what am I bringing to the table for this great girl who’s good hearted, has a super sense of humor, kind and understanding; and not just thinking about herself; a girl who only wants to build a family with me, care about me, and all that. What in the world do I offer this great girl. I don’t have any money to speak of. I’m not stupid, but I’m without any great job with a great future and my family is not in the social columns. So why should someone I want to marry want to marry me?

It’s really not that easy, is it. For two people with the same background, the same desires, and the same dreams getting together and living together. Arguing and making up. Arguing about only the small things like who’s going to the store to buy milk and never about the big things like let’s have children or let’s not have children. No, it’s not so easy. That’s why I’m still alone wondering when is the right time and who is the right person to marry.

So, maybe I shouldn’t think about trying to take this big step of marriage right now. Maybe I should just try to be with someone I like to be with and see if she likes being with me. Then maybe we can live together, see if we like the same things and enjoy each other; and, then, just maybe, we can plan for tomorrow, and that will be something.

And who can tell, we may even make our mothers happy and have a wedding.


© Copyright 2018 Lenny Lowengrub. All rights reserved.

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