Mission Briefing: Illegal Distribution of Harmful Material

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Yesterday News
I see you are going to go to a school undercover to stop illegal distribution of a harmful material. Here is a guide on how to blend in.

Submitted: October 08, 2016

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Submitted: October 08, 2016

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I heard you were coming to this school to work undercover, huh? I knew that someone would come to stop Yesterday News! They have a plan to start their illegal distribution of Pepes, too. Anyway, I have some advice for you. It's in no particular order, so yeah. My first piece of advice is this: If you want to fit in with these people, don't look like a forty-year-old. It would give you away faster than ebola spreads. If you want, you could pose as a teacher, but Yesterday News doesn't usually distribute to that realm of humans. Also with this class, don't use words longer than 'banana'. These students' brains have been melted so much by Yesterday News that the biggest word they know is 'banaynidae'. If you have a joke, don't make it too complicated. Keep it simple, but don't make it too obvious. Watch out for the creator of Yesterday News. He's almost too awesome to be alive. Merely being near him can get your brain melted like butter in the center of the sun. That's how awesome he is. If you don't want your brain to melt while reading Yesterday News, I would suggest for you to prepare your brain for the ultimate stupidity of the articles. What you need to do is see dank memes. About 200-OVER 9000 dank memes might just prepare your brain for the impact of stupidity. You can also binge watch MLG videos on YouTube. Trust me, there is no escaping Yesterday News. It entices you like boobs on a thumbnail for a YouTube video or Pepe as a cover for a short story. You will, for sure, at least read one article. Another useful tip for blending in with the students is to make sure you aren't only in one group of friends. These people clique like an old person's knees, so you need to slowly penetrate the class by having at least one friend in each of the cliques, and it will expand from there. Choose wisely on you main group of friends, and don't die!


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