The Journey I Adore

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
It's a truly original story, my story. Everything that has been explained is exactly how i felt. You'll find it very amazing to read that how a teenage boy falls for a girl whom he finds the most beautiful girl in this world. what starts to happen inside him, how does he feel about her.
The most wonderful part of this story is that it's a true story, which I think makes it more beautiful.

Submitted: October 25, 2016

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Submitted: October 25, 2016

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The Journey I Adore

I had always thought that I”ll never get into relationships, because things become very complicated and emotional and uneasy for people in relationships. Neither did I find any girl who attracted me or anything like that. But when I looked at you for the first time, you ruined me, I knew I was screwed. All the natural disasters, be it a volcanic eruption or a massive flood, I was experiencing everything inside of me and they were hitting me hard with every second I was staring at you. I saw you, and I couldn’t stop staring at you, that was the only thing that I wanted at that moment and no one could exchange it with me for anything in the world. Can you believe that a single look can create such a chaos inside of anybody? This feeling was very different, it was more like amazing, but my mind wasn’t working straight at all, everything around me became numb, all my senses except my eyesight were switched off and the only thing that I could do was to stare at you, I could do it for hours and hours and enjoy every second of it. Everyone around me and you were suddenly blurred and the only person that I could see was you, right there sitting on the stairs, shining bright like a sunlight. Lorna Byrne says she sees angels everywhere right from when she opened her eyes, she doesn't know how the world looks like without them, she never had seen the world without them. I saw u for the first time, and I knew exactly what was she talking about. I am living her life since then, the only difference is that she can see all of them and around everybody, but I can see only one. At that first look, I wanted to run to u, hold u in my arms and just tell you how I felt in the past couple of minutes. But I couldn't, because we are not living a movie we are living in a real world. But this feeling that was bursting inside of me was only seen in movies.

After the first day, I was curious to come to college the next day, and the day after that, the day after that and everyday when I could see you and cherish that moment alone without sharing it with anybody. I was an introvert, I would step up in the bus with my eyes down and I would just sit wherever I find some place to sit. After grabbing my seat, the first thing that my eyes would do was to search for you, so I could see you throughout the way to our college. When everybody was doing something in their cell phones or talking to their friends sitting besides them or laughing, making jokes and having fun, there I was sitting very quietly on my seat and just staring at you. That made me happy, that made me believe in life. People would think that I was a boring person just sitting quietly, but they could never know that I was enjoying every bit of a second. Even I didn’t want any of the guys to experience what I was experiencing there, because I was selfish about my stare and that moment that I cherished the most. It felt like I was celebrating each and everyday of my life since then.

This went on for a few more days and I was this much happy for the first time in my life, I was enjoying my life. One day I was on my way to college, nothing but excited about the fact that I could have my leisurely stare again. But I realized that I’ve started developing some mixed feelings. A part of me knew about the happiness that I was going to feel after the look, that seriously can't be explained in words, but the other was a bit sad about the fact that I could not talk to you and tell you how I felt for you. In the class my eyes couldn’t move off of you. This was the first time in my life that I was having this kind of feeling. It was very weird for me but also satisfying. It made me uneasy but deeply happy at the same time. I couldn’t figure out what was happening there inside me. I didn’t even know what love is, or how does it feel, I just knew whatever this feeling was, it made me happy from inside for the first time in my entire life. I think I had tasted a pinch of it after looking at your face, so divine, so pure, so natural.

Everyday after waking up the first thing that I could remember about the previous day was you. I had started believing in love at first site since then. Everyday after that, I used to go to my house with a smile on my face and everyday my mum used to ask me why was I so much happy. I couldn’t tell her the reason but I could just throw another smile to her and go straight away to my room with the door locked, stare at the wall and imagine your face. I used to literally laugh at myself because I never had this kind of feeling ever in my life and I didn’t know what was happening to me. I cherished each and every moment that I am spending in thinking about you. The room was dark but I could see the white teeth smile in the darkness, that beautiful face that made my day, everyday. There was not a single minute gone when I was not thinking about you. I know I am still not able to explain the intensity of it. But try to get it from this; if I throw a drop of water on the ground for everytime I think of you, I would drown in an endless ocean.

This had become my routine and I was enjoying every bit of it, but I wanted more, this was not just enough for me now, I wanted more of it. So I decide to approach to you. But I knew I was an idiot back then, I used to have goose bumps even in telling my name to a girl. But you were not just any other girl to me, you were more than that, more than anything I ever wanted, you had already become a very special and an unforgettable part of my life, even if I never talked to you ever, the damage was done already. But I had to be strong and confident about myself for it. Gradually, somehow I became friends with your group of friends and I had the opportunity to talk to you and be friends with you. Slowly we had our phone numbers exchanged and we started texting each other. I was more than happy, I could go sleepless just to have a chat with you on my phone or call you and talk to you. But I didn’t want to give you a wrong clue for this friendship at that time. Though it was more than just a friendship to me but you had no clue about that and I didn’t want to lose you in any way now. The phase of just staring at you, being a stranger was gone and we were friends now, and I couldn’t let it go or hurt you for any reason. Being friends we used to talk and talk for a very long time, we texted each other late night, I used to call you even and talk to you about anything and everything. Just to buy a little more time to talk to you, I would start talking about some rubbish and senseless topic, because all I wanted to do at that moment was just to talk to you and forget about the entire world. Talking to you I realized that you are the kindest, sweetest girl I’ve ever met and I’ve ever talked to. I realized that all the positivity in me was magnified and I wanted to spread it among the people around me just because I was too happy in my life for the first time and I wanted everyone to be happy too. I wanted to know you more, I wanted to know each and every part of you. We used to sit in an empty room in the college and you used to talk to me and tell me about everything with so much excitement that it would always make me to just look at your face and listen to you all day long, and we used to sit for hours and talk. I used to call you at weekends to the college and you would think that I wanted to play table tennis with you, but I just wanted to see you and meet you, because the time had started when I could not live without seeing you even for a single day, I would go crazy and it made me uneasy if I didn’t see you some day, you had become like a drug to me, and even today it’s the same feeling I get if I don’t see you. That’s why I use to call u everyday even in vacations so that I can see you and meet you just for a few minutes even. We used to bunk our classes and play table tennis all the time or talk all day long. You did not realize back then but you made my life beautiful and worth living. These little things that you would find silly, have always made me really happy and cheered me up in the bad times of my life, nothing else could replace this happiness and neither was there anything else that could make me happier.

We continued to talk, when we were in college, we were always together and talking all the time, doing everthing together, when we were at home we used to text each other or call late night. The bond among us was getting stronger and stronger with each passing day. One day, suddenly I realized that it’s just me who loves u, from the other side it’s just a strong bond of friendship. The realization of this fact scared the hell out of me. It made me weak and frightened. What if I tell you that it was not just a friendship, I was deeply in love with you? How would you feel? Would you feel betrayed? Would you feel disgusted that you just shared a good friendship with me and I betrayed you? What if you found out about it by yourself? It was scarier and more frightening. All these thoughts ruined my happiness. Now I was scared to lose you. I was ready not to tell you anything about my feeling for you and just be friends with you forever just so I can be in your life and see you everyday. I was ready to forget about the love part just to be with you. But slowly I realized that my feelings for you are becoming more and more intense. No matter what I do to control it, I couldn’t do anything about it. It was too late. I was in a great distress. Though I enjoyed being with you, talking to you, but it hurt me more than anything that I could not tell you about my feeling and the devil of fright was eating me up from the inside at the same time. I  decided to forget about how I feel for you, my love for you and just enjoy spending time with you. Afterall, I was happy back then too, when I just used to stare at you. So I shut my heart off, it hurt a little, but there was nothing more important than you, not even my feelings and my love for you, and I could not afford to lose you anyhow. I knew, that you and I will always be an unfinished business.

I tried to feel very normal, it was very hard for me though. I cried a lot about it for a few days,  but I  told my heart that my wish to be with this girl won’t be fulfilled. You are so beautiful and sweet, where I am not at all good looking, nothing I have in me that could impress a girl. You could get any guy you wanted in this world where on the other side no girl would like to be with me, and here I am, hoping to be with a girl who’s no less than a beautiful angel, the most beautiful one. I had accepted the fact, I had accepted all of it. Then once I had to go out of town for a badminton tournament. I felt very sad that I won’t be able to see you for a few days. But I used to call you from there and we used to talk on the phone. It was all the same but I couldn’t see you in front of my eyes, and I wanted to come back as soon as possible. I came back and realized that you were happy to see me, all of our friends told me that you were really bored when I was not around. It was the best thing I had heard in a long time and I was more than happy to hear that. But again, it was not good, I was trying to suppress all my feelings and these little things were resisting me to do it.

It was sid’s birthday once. I was home alone so we decided to throw a party at my place. He invited all of you and we all were having a great time together. I was drunk….not too much but I was very light headed…..I was high. All those things, all those feelings and the fact that I was trying to forget all of it just because we never had a chance together, everything started running in my mind. I became very emotional and I just went back to my room and started crying. You came there to me and asked what had happened, why was I reacting that way. I wanted to tell you everything but the fear of losing you was telling me not to. I was just crying and crying there in front of you. I was aching too much so I just whispered…”I love you”…. you didn’t hear it and you asked me what did I say? But I didn’t have the guts to say that again and I continued to sob more and more, I know it was irritating, but that was the whole point, I could not say that again so I wanted you to be irritated and leave. You were annoyed and just left.

By the passing time our bond was becoming stronger and stronger, in the mean time I was trying to control my feelings for you but the bond between us was getting stronger every day. Then we started to fight sometimes. You would not talk to me and I used to cry about it. I avoided crying in front of you or anybody as I thought it’s not a manly thing to do and I was very shy, but sometimes I couldn’t control my emotions and I would cry in front of you. I couldn’t bear you not talking to me, it was hurtful and painful for me. I was becoming more and more comfortable around you. I could talk to you about anything and everything without any hesitation and without ever thinking if you would be judgemental about it or not. I wanted to tell you all of my secrets, I wanted  to share all of them with you, but you had become one of my secrets. It’s ironic right?

Soon I realized that you felt comfortable around me too, because you were acting just like me. I could see that you were happy with our friendship too. This gave me another reason for not losing you in any case. I respected you, I respected this friendship and I loved you more than anyone could have ever loved someone. I had a thousand reasons to say to you, and a thousand not to. Whenever I used to think about you to find a reason to smile, God would say to me, “I saw that”, and I couldn’t run from it no matter how much I tried, and as they say, “you can run with a lie but you can’t hide from a truth, it will catch you someday”, and I was caught.

Once we both were on our friends place, he had talked to me the other night about you. He knew exactly how I feel about you I don’t know how but he knew it and convinced me to confess to him, telling me that he would not tell you or anybody else. That day I realized that It’s really hard to admit when you have fallen in love with someone who can’t be yours. When we were in his room you suddenly asked me about the talk I had with him last night, he laughed and you told him to leave the room. That was the moment when my heart sank and I was numb with fear. I didn’t know what to say. I asked “what are you talking about”? You said “don’t try to lie I know everything”, and you hid your face in the blanket. I thought that you were crying and you were hurt. I knew that I was caught and now there’s no point of running from it, I should tell you everything. But I was frightened, I was shivering with fear. All those things that I feared started to curl my mind again. I had tears in my eyes and I had to face it this time, I had to just make sure that I don’t lose you as a friend too. So I built up the courage, and the first thing that came out of my mouth was, “I really love you”. Wait a second….what? “I really love you”? Shit!....It was disastrous. I don’t know what was I thinking. Multiple thoughts were collapsing in my head. I should have said I just like you, or I lied to him yesterday there’s nothing like that, or I should’ve just run away from there. But I said that I love you instead. I knew I had spoiled everything, our friendship’s over now, I was waiting for you to cry and say some mean things, obviously you had the right, you were betrayed, and slap me hard and tell me to get out and never show my face again. Before it could all happen I asked “we are still friends right”? you were still hiding your face in the blanket, and you said “ yes it’s all right”. I couldn’t believe what I just heard. “It’s alright”, that’s it? I was fearing this reaction? But still I was not sure if I heard it right. I asked again, “we’re cool right? We’re still friends? You gave a disgusting look, like I wasn’t understanding what you were trying to say…….you said it again, “ it’s alright stupid”…… I mean okay, I get it, it’s cool with you, you are not hurt obviously, I don’t know why, but I was relaxed to see that…. But what’s with the disgust and that face of yours? You gave the same look again, this time it was more intense. I was thinking hard….what was I missing? I couldn’t do anything, my mind wasn’t working straight. Suddenly my mind was struck by a thought. I could not see the promising part of that look, but now I do. Are you accepting my proposal? I mean it was not much of a proposal but atleast I was very straight about what I felt, I said “I really love you” I had told exactly how I felt about you. Were you telling me that it’s alright to be in a relationship? Fuck no! It’s impossible….unbelievable. But you were giving this sweet smile and  you were looking at me. I did nothing but hugged you hard. I started crying as I always did. Believe it or not, but it was the moment that I adore the most, I wanted to hold you like that forever, I didn’t want to leave you, I wished that the clock just stops ticking right there. I wanted to be there in your arms till I die. It was February 12th, the most memorable day in my life.

You were feeling sick that day. You were really sick, just laying down in my arms. I was still crying, this time it was because of your sickness, because, I could never see you in pain. I always wanted to see you smiling. But that day, I couldn’t do anything but hold you and tell you that everything will be fine. Believe me it was more painful for me. When I  could realize the pain that you were experiencing at that time, I realized that this is love….or even more than that. We got past that day. I went to my home and I was happier like never before. I would just lay down on my bed and think about that moment we shared….all the time. This feeling was amazing, somewhere I felt very peaceful now. No fear of losing the friendship, the devil of fright was gone, no fear of losing you anymore. I had never been in a relationship before, never had I ever experienced the responsibilities of one. But at that time I didn’t want to ruin that moment thinking all of that. I just knew that I always wanted you I always adored you and now that you are all mine now, I would protect you and love you from the bottom of my heart, without expecting anything in return.

Our relationship was going really good. We used to talk on the cell phone for hours. I Didn’t know that I could even talk to someone for hours. I was never much expressive about my thoughts. I use to have a lot of feelings and emotions bursting inside my head at the same time, a lot of thoughts that I want to share and express to people, but I believe I didn’t have the power to do so, I was not very expressive in telling about all the feelings that I had for you…..but I tried really hard for it, I wanted to tell you about everything. How did I feel for you, all the things that I wanted to do with you, for you, and I was always trying to make you feel like I was feeling. I was not expecting love from you in return back then, the only thing I wanted was to make sure that you understand my love for you. I wanted  you to know the intensity of my love. I had decided that I’ll never give you a single reason to cry, I could never see tears in your eyes, the only thing that I would do being with you was to make your life beautiful. Then a week later, it was February 19th, it’s 06:18 hrs in the evening and you texted me…”I love you, not on your level though but I do” . Believe me I literally shouted and laughed in my house and mum and dad came to me asking what had happened. It was really very special for me and it gave me another reason to love you even more. I didn’t see it coming, but as soon as you said it, it attracted me more towards you.

Then it was 13th of april, my birthday, we decided to go to a decent restaurant with friends and enjoy the time. I did’nt know what was coming. Suddenly everybody started insisting you to give it to me now, I wasn’t sure what were they talking about or what am I gonna get from you this birthday, you had already given me the greatest and most precious gift of my life, this relationship. You pulled out a letter from your pocket, I don’t know why but I had already realized that it’s going to be something really special, the most valuable one. I wanted to read it right there without wasting another second. I started reading it, and I was not even past the first page and I started being emotional. “They say that fathers love their daughters the most, but here it’s you who love me more than my father”, this was written in the last paragraph of the second page. Reading this, I realized that I’ll always be yours, even if you don’t want me anymore. You loved me not for my looks, but for who I was. The answer to the question in your letter would always be yes, without any second thoughts or doubts. It was the best gift that I could ever have in my life but I don’t have it with me now, just because of my stupidity, but still it will always be the best things in my life that I’ve ever received from anybody.

I know I have been very stupid and messy in this relationship we had fights, big fights, where I said very mean things to you though my intentions have never been to hurt you, it’s just that the time was not right sometimes but I always adored you, loved you, respected you and we shared very lovable and  great moments too, which you and I both will remember always. You have helped me to come out of the box I was hiding in. We’ve had all the experiences together…either good or bad….we were always together. I’ve grown with you everytime in these experiences and each one of them will always be remembered. I am really sorry if I hurt you ever, I know I have but I never intended to do so. Try to forgive me for all of it. But I want you to remember just this one thing that my heart knows no limits to love you, it never will, even if we are not together.

Being with you I have realized that I am not meant for relationships or even close friendships. I have realized that I am not supposed to keep people close to me, no matter how much I  believe that I love them or value them, I know that I’ll definitely hurt them someday. So I’ve learnt that if I value someone so much, I should stay away from them, because it would be the best thing that I could ever do for them. I don’t think of it as a sad part at all. Everyone’s got some identity, many of the people never even realize and never try to find out who they are. I just think that this is my identity….this is  who I am and  infact I am glad that I’ve discovered it really soon I just have to try to accept it.

You are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I am so glad that I met you and became a small part of your life. I’ve always treated you like a sweet and cute doll, and I always wanted to protect you from everything that could hurt you. I am always trying to make you feel special, make you feel that you are like a princess to me, and if I ever do something that puts a smile on your face, that becomes one of the greatest memories of my life. I’ve heard a lot of love stories, I’ve read a very romantic novel once and I found it amazing, I’ve watched very romantic movies too. But the best story I’ve found by far is this one, our story.


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