Dancing with the Devil

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
I had this dream last night, it made my heart ache like it had before. Just want to write it all down.

Submitted: October 25, 2016

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Submitted: October 25, 2016

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The very thought of loving you again made my heart ache something terrible. I loved you yet felt so empty inside. Alone, more than alone one can imagine. Your arms wrapped around me from behind, your breath on my neck, then you whisper I Love You but I knew it wasn't for me. It was for someone else, as if I could see inside of your heart and mind. You held me tighter and promised you cared for me unconditionally, that your heart ached for mine. I knew deep within my heart and soul this was bold face lie, I could feel it radiated through your touch. As if I could read your thoughts and see what you were really thinking. Standing in front of the kitchen sink, as we both stare out into the meadow that laid out in front of us. The blues, greens and yellows that raditated with such beauty. My world was shining bright before you came from behind and put your arms around me. I could see the birds singing in the tall Oak trees that went as far as our eyes could see, the clouds big and fluffy as can be, moving along with the earth's rotation. 

I felt I could love you again, to let you in but I knew it wrong, I knew you would shatter my already broken heart yet again. As you whisper to me "I Love You' I felt the tears swell up in my eyes, as they gathered to the corners of my eyes, then slip down my cheeks onto your arms, I whispered back 'You're lying'. In that moment I could see her face, another woman's face that you had been engaging with for so long without my knowledge of knowing all along. How could you? Whar did I do to you to deserve such betrayal? What wrong did I commit? Was I not pretty enough? Was I not tall enough? Was it because I did not have the perfect body? Was I too fat? I beg of you, tell me for the sake of peace of my mind! Put me out of my misery I beg you.

I feel the heat radiate from your skin, skin to skin, yearning for you yet I know it was best not to give in to your deception. I try to puall away from your so called loving touch. You held on tighter to me as if meaning to show me it was only me.You tell me to stop pulling away and to allow you to hold me. The desparity of wanting those arms to be around me for the rest of my life was unreal. I give up, I stop pulling away, I go limp in your arms and fall to my knees onto the floor taking you with me. The tears pouring out harder than before, desperately trying to catch my breath, gasping as if my heart were  about to suddenly stop and all life would just die with me. My heart, mind, body and soul ache to much to bear it any longer. WHy God WHY!? You fall with me, you lay me against your body, you grab my face, caress my wet cheek that is stained with tears. You kiss my forehead, telling me you are sorry, tellimg me 'I Love You, PLEASE believe me'. I shut my eyes, not wanting to look into those deceiving eyes of yours. You tell me to look at you, beg me to look at you and I finally do. You bend your head down to kiss me; those sweet, soft, passionate kisses of yours make my body ache something insane. I know it's wrong, I know I should not be doing this but I cannot escape you. You kiss me hard, as I kiss you back you kiss me harder and harder. Tongue to tongue, mouth to mouth, heavy breathing as we grab onto each other for dear life. So beautiful yet so fucking wrong. 

You knew how to get me, how to get inside of my head, to make it seem as it were actually going to be okay. I love your touches, the electricity that was flowing between us, how it seem to give me life. A reason to breath, a reason to keep on living, a reason to stay. And just like that in the blink of an eye, you were gone. Nowhere to be found, lying in fetal position on that freezing cold kitchen floor. Completely and utterly alone in the darkness of a home that was not a home but in fact my own prison. Trapped in a vicious circle that seemed to never end, one I could not escape. I lie there, on my side, staring into the darkness that surrounded me and then I scream out as if being stabbed a thousand times. Will it stop? Will it ever stop? Dancing with the Devil in this life called Hell. This is my Hell I thought and with that, it devoured her very soul and ate her alive. 

 


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