Philosophical psychiatry

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
something that can enlighten the inner self of everyone, specially for those surrounded with negativity

Submitted: November 04, 2016

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Submitted: November 04, 2016




When life has just started falling apart, I am in midst of a dark fog. Conceptually saying a vague imagination is all over my head. My destiny, my courage, my ambitions, my love life, my needs, my capabilities all have been blurred by this night mare I am living through. Self-distraction has its own power to somehow move me along the most reputed journey of depression. Literary, I am trying a bit to run away from my problems. I am getting kind of super self-centered to run the competition of life. The world is just funny enough to led me to the confused pile of thoughts, where none is standing behind to get hold of you when you are falling to die. Well, may be, I am wrong, considering what my past life says, obviously, I have some people to ask the hands for. But who can help a shattered heart, if the heart has no ability to cry out loud for help.

Hopefully God has not created human toys just to play around, to portray different stories or to satisfy his evil wish of making human learn from horrible experiences. Recently, life has not been felt so good around me. If someone asks for the reason and I open myself up, probably I would just listen the lines “what’s the big deal in that? Why are you so into negativity? These are small thing that everyone faces in life, you can do better than this.” and somehow, that sounds pretty obvious. But figuring out the struggle of a person, for whom small change means a lot and who can’t avoid the bad effect of those changes, even if he or she is aware of the stupidity of the matter, may be really a big quality. For now, at least, I have found none to help me up with this.

Self-dependency is a serious criticism that may carry the answer of my question. The voice inside my head has this one solution every time my heart starts to convey the heaviness of the weight it is carrying constantly, and when my eyes, try to make it tasty with a little mixing of salt. Somehow recently, my brain is trying to make my heart it’s date for the coming years. Hope they will have a better relationship, where dependencies will be mutual, but not one sided. But that is creating a lot of drama around the corner of my brain, leading to the birth of a lot of perplexing thoughts. I am sure, I have medium IQ level, to sort out any problem, and my brain is getting exhausted.

May be my brain wants a little bit of my heart to console it, to stand behind to catch it, when the perplexing thoughts strike as tsunami; just as me. But you can’t ask so much from your little pumping buddy. You are so young to get a dysfunctional heart. You need to take care of that little buddy, you can’t put too much pressure on it, else you might fell apart when the blood will stop exciting your veins. Carrying the weight of responsibilities, I have assigned to my heart, it would be so difficult to response to the needs of brain. I don’t know, how my brain tackled my heart before, but seemingly, there were in good terms, everyone sets to its own functions in a proper way, and I felt the heaven quite often. And what makes me laugh is the way the tsunami of thoughts standing far away from my brain, establishing a mockery in its display at that time. Stupidity was what my brain showed at that time, neglecting the possibilities of future complexities that have signed up now. Poor brain, I can’t blame it, time has its own flaw. Who knew at that time that circumstances will force my brain to develop feelings for my heart.

Now, I am feeling like telling the story of my brain-heart relationship. But I remember I started with myself. Well, may be, it is a good analogy of what I want to convey. At least, it feels a lot better when you pour yourself out in the mud of pure whiteness. Life has its own meaning for each and every one, and figuring a way out of any labyrinthine jumble of brain-heart coalesce is an art in itself. I hope, I would remain the special person in the world for my inner-self, may be at the cost of a mix vibe of positivity and negativity.

Missing my best buddy… to you Babi. 

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