A Letter to My Hero

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
A letter for Tumblr.

Submitted: November 10, 2016

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Submitted: November 10, 2016

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Dear Papa.

Every time you come visit my grave, I get to smile to myself from the place I am now. I didn’t think anyone would ever visit me. I expected Emma, but she seems far too busy to actually stop by and talk to me any more… She’s with Kilian now, and her being happy is the one thing that I could ever want, still to this day.

I never should have doubted you coming to visit me, really. I never should have and I’m sorry. It means the world to me that you still come to visit me, though. It means even more to me that you talk to me like I’m still down there, right beside you. Even though you abandoned me when I was fourteen, I know that you won’t abandon me now and that means more to me than anything in the entire world.

Last time you visited me, you asked me so many questions and I want to answer them. I know you won’t ever read this. Well… You might. I’ll be thinking of a way to get it to you, but I still wanted to answer your questions no matter what. So, here it goes.

First of all,  you asked if you were a bad person. Papa, you have never been a bad person. After everything that you have ever done, I know that you have never, and I mean never, been a bad person. After spending so long apart from you, and looking back at my life and my childhood, I know that everything you did was out of love and to protect me. Papa, it’s because of you that I lived to be as old as I did. So, because of that, I have nothing to say but thank you.  Going off of this, I never regretted having you as a father. Not once. I never woke up and wished you weren’t my father because despite all the darkness I lived through every day with you, I still had happy memories because we were each other’s whole worlds. We were each other’s everything…

I don’t know if you know this, but on that pirate ship, I learned what really happened to my mother. When he told me,  I didn’t believe him. Even as I remembered how you had hurt people because they gave me scrapes on my knee, and despite it all, I still believed that you were a good person and that I would never regret being your son. I also never wished that we had more. Sure, every now and then I wished we had warmer clothes during winter or more food… but  I also wished that were happy. Though we didn’t have much, you still gave me everything I needed. You gave me food. You gave me clothing. You gave me shelter. And lastly, you gave me love. Papa, you were all I ever needed. I didn’t need more than what you gave me because as long as I had you, I had everything I ever needed to live. This also showed me that you would do anything for me. Don’t think for one second that I ever forgot about how many nights you were up later than I was spinning so that we could earn enough money just to eat. I will always remember those nights, Papa. I will also always remember how you would try and get up when I did and do chores with me and I would send you right back to bed because you needed more sleep. You really are stubborn, Papa. I hope you know that.

I also hope you know that you were always the man I needed you to be… You were always my father above all else. You searched for years to try and find me in places others would have never dared to look. You showed me that you don’t need a lot to be happy. Most of all, you showed me that you don’t need to be a hero to be brave and do what your heart tells you to do. I’m not talking about after ou became the Dark One… I’m talking about all the time before that, when you hadn’t gone crazy with power… Remember when I was fourteen and you asked me if I could have anything in the world what would it be, and I said I wanted my father? That was because, at that point, I had lost the father I knew and loved to Dark Magic… and it changed you, Papa… but now, I see that you are the man that you were before you gained magic. You’re that man who has grown his bravery all through the years I could not be more proud of you. I didn’t need a hero, Papa… I just needed you, and only you, to live on in my life.

I think it’s funny. One of your questions asked if I could hear you and if I would answer you, and truth is, I can hear you all the time. I kind of love my better place, Papa. It allows me to see and hear everything you do much better than I ever could when I was alive. I get to be your guardian angel now, Papa, just like how you were mine. So yes, I would answer you– sort of like I am now. On a note, and to answer another one of your questions, yes. It is bad that you would do anything to bring me back… Death is a tricky subject, it is even more tricky to deal with and use and make do your bidding. Papa, you can’t bring people back from the dead… Even  I know that, because all magic comes with a price, one of those prices is not reviving loved ones from death… I wish you could bring me back, Papa. I wish more than anything you could bring me back and make me live and breathe again. I wish more than anything that I could hug you one more time…. But I can’t. It hurts me every day knowing that I can’t touch you any more other than when I visit you and you feel my presence.

I hope you know that, no matter what, you can always ask me whatever questions that you want to. You can ask me anything that comes to your mind. Actually, please do… It gets rather lonely up here sometimes. I’m not hurting anymore either, Papa… I am really much happier now. The only time’s I hurt is when I watch you lie to Belle… Otherwise, I’m just really lonely. I know you wouldn’t really know about that, but it does. It gets lonely and empty up here… So, ask me any question that you want.

By the way, yes. Yes it is okay that you still miss me… Because I still miss you every single day. I know that might be silly, and I know that’s why you’re asking me if it’s okay to miss me, but I don’t see why it wouldn’t be okay that we still miss each other… You’re the only family member that I ever knew. You’re the only person that I grew up with, besides Mama. You gave me the most memories, the most experiences… You gave me the most to miss more than anyone else.  I miss you, Papa. I miss you so, so much. I miss you in all the ways a person can be missed. I miss our family… If you had another son, I know that you wouldn’t be replacing me. I could never think that you were replacing me. To tell you the truth, I’ve always wanted to be a brother to someone. I always thought it would be sort of fun. Plus, I would have had at least one other friend. Whoever they are, I hope that they love you and care about you as much as I do now and as much as I always will.

You asked me if you thought Belle would go to a happy place when she dies and I think she will. I think you will too. I think that you and her both deserve to move on and live in a happy place. I think every one does. I even think mother deserves it too. Speaking of Mama, why isn’t she up here with me? I keep waiting for her… and she never comes.  I can’t but thik it’s because she still has unfinished buisiness too… Do you think I’m right about that? Do you think Mama will come up here too…? I don’t know if you’ll ever answer me… I don’t even know if you can hear me, but it was worth a shot.

So, you said that without me you’re a useless piece of dust? That was another one of your questions. See, I told you that I was listening. Do you know, that I know, that’s not true? Do you know that I know that you are braver than you will ever believe in yourself, Papa? I know these are all questions you may not be able to answer, but they are questions that I, Belle, and so many others around you know the answers of. Secretly, I think that Killian knows the answers too– even if he won’t admit that he does.

You asked about how I do the good things I do because you feel like you’re losing your way? I think that was the question. Anyway, Papa, there’s not really an answer that I can give you… I guess I just did what felt right to me. I always did what felt right, now matter what. I guess this answers another one of your questions about why I left. Papa, I left because I knew that if I died and saved you then you could keep going and live the life you deserved. Giving up my life for yours was my purpose for living on this planet, Papa, and after I served my purpose it was time for me to be let go of and move on from thiat world to this one. I did it because I love you, Papa and you didn’t need me any more to feel happiness.. You have people who make you happy, Papa, and people who love you just as much as I do. You just have to accept them.

The last question is my favorite: why did I keep loving you? Because, Papa, I always saw the good in you no matter what. I always saw the love shining in your heart, and I always saw just how much you loved me and Belle. I saw how much you fought for what you wanted, despite how much people called you a coward. Papa, I never stopped loving you because you never stopped loving me. You were my entire world, and it is because of you purely loving me that I was able to show that love to you in return.

I am happy that I was able to die to save you, Papa, because I know that you would have done the same for me. You are my father forever, Papa. And even in Heaven, I can tell you this from the bottom of my heart: I will never stop loving you.

No matter what happens, Papa, please don’t ever stop fighting for what you want so that you get the happiness that I know you deserve.

Love,

Your son, Baelfire.


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