My Hungry Dragon

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  No Houses
This is a real-life experience that takes the idea of depression and suicide in a different way. When writing this, I used my experiences with depression and suicide to make the situation feel more relate-able. I also want the readers to interpret their own way; this little story can be taken in many directions. Enjoy!

Submitted: November 12, 2016

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Submitted: November 12, 2016

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My Hungry Dragon

 A dragon lives in me.  A hungry dragon. It's always wanting more. So greedy. So selfish. So...hungry... Yet so happy. It laughs everyday. I smile everyday too. We conquered everything together, no matter how impossible it was. Everything was amazing. Life was so filling.

It was filling, until it pushed us away. Until the world fell from under our feet.

 I fell. Physically and mentally. Screaming and kicking, the dragon wanted to be fed. But I couldn't feed it. I couldn't even feed myself. I tried to comfort it: "Soon,” I promised my dragon. "Soon,” I said, while drops of rain began to fall from the sky. "Soon,” I reassured myself.

 Everyday, it yelled and cried. I tried to feed it the best I could. But it accepted none. It mercilessly tossed it all away. "Please take something, this is the best I can give you,” I begged. My dragon took none of it. I cried rivers when no one was watching. Externally and internally, the rain fell. I forced myself through every painful day. My dragon followed along punching and fighting. I tried to be strong for both of us. But most of the time, I broke down. "Why me?!", we both shouted. "Why me?", we wailed. "Why me...", we whispered.

"I don't care if I die from the pain. I just want to know the feeling again. So please, please give me some."

 Storms and rain fell everyday. It didn't look like it was going to stop soon. It may have stopped outside, but the pouring didn't stop in our freezing hearts. My dragon's screams were quieter now. It didn't kick as much. Or maybe I was just used to it. "Everything is fine", I would lie. "We can make it,” I fibbed.

 "My dragon's eyes don't have fire anymore", I realized one day. They didn't have hunger in them. No spark nor fight resided in those eyes. All I saw was the pouring rain in its heart. "They say it's getting better”, I tried telling my dragon. We both knew it was a lie. A GODDAMN LIE. "You're so young. You have a future, so don't rush", they told us. "There are other options,” they chided. "It's not that bad,” they shrugged. We thought that what they said was ridiculous. They talked like they knew us best. They thought they knew the pain. The excruciating pain that chewed away at your soul day by day. The pain of mentally beating yourself up. The pain of disowning yourself.

The pain of having the feeling of wanting to give up.

 "Hey, you're eyes look different", my friends tell me. "There's something weird", they observe. My mirror showed me what was weird. Like my dragon, there was no more fire. No more hunger. No more fight. I was always known for fighting till the end. Known for always not giving up. Known for having a burning and raging fire in my eyes. Now, the fight I was known for was gone. My eyes had become storms. Only rain filled my heart now. The rain filled a gaping hole in my heart.

A hole that used to hold us together.

 We finally gave up. After years of fighting and trying to hold on, we admitted defeat. I can't look at my dragon anymore. I can't even look at myself in the mirror anymore. I hate people who give up.

Even if that person was me.

 

 It's quiet now. My dragon hasn't made a sound since we gave up. It's so quiet. As I lay on the ground, I don't hear the yells and screams of the police sirens and the people around me. All I can hear, is the rain. Pitter, patter. Splish, Splash. That is the only thing I hear. I'm used to it. Drops fall from the heavens, from my heart, and from my eyes. "I'm so sorry", I apologize to my dragon. It smiles knowingly and sadly. The last thing I see before the world goes dark is my hungry dragon.

 
 

 A dragon used to live inside me. A hungry one. It always wanted more. It was so greedy. It was so selfish. It was so hungry. We used to be so happy together, always laughing and smiling. We conquered everything that was in our way. It was so amazing. Life was so filling. Until it pushed us away. Until the world I knew and loved swallowed me whole.

 
 


© Copyright 2017 Drayce Long. All rights reserved.

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