Drowning

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic
How long can you try to swim before you start drowning.

Submitted: November 13, 2016

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Submitted: November 13, 2016

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“Just let me go please, just let me go” I whimpered out, tears leaking out as I stared at them. “I want to go I’m sick of fighting… please”. I kept pleading with them for as long as I could stay conscious for, my eyes glued to the blood pouring out of my wrist. They stayed quiet only looking at me for brief seconds to check if I was still with me, their faces set hard.

They worked diligently to stop the bleeding, I should have been happy that I was being saved. However, as I listened to the blaring sires and the slowing beep of the heart monitor all I could think was I wish they hadn’t found me. I was ready to go, life was just too hard and I was sick of drawing in a sea of my own thoughts. The beeping continued to slow until everything went numb.

____________________________________________________________________________

I felt the harsh lights on me before I even opened my eyes, felt the course blanket beneath my fingers. What I felt most was the soft pressure of a bandage around my wrist. I scrunched my eyes tight, I had failed. Just add it to the sprawling list of failures a mile long. Slowly I cracked my eyes open and was assaulted by the white light. It was one of the reasons I hated the hospital the harsh light belched every bit of color and happiness, but I guess I didn’t mind now because I was a jaded and harsh as the light its self.

“It’s good to see that you are awake” the voice was deep and warm but not welcomed. My eyes snapped at the man who had cut through the silence.

“You’re not welcome here, get out!” I yelled, trying to move my arms I saw that they had straps around them.

“Jane, please you need to calm down. My name is Dr. Mitchell; I am the phycologist who will taking your case” he said slowly like I was a child. Fuck him, fuck everyone, I just wanted to leave no one had to be a fucking hero.

“I don’t care who you are or why you are here. I want out, you can’t hold me against my will” I said flatly, my eyes taking him in. Salt and pepper hair, strong jaw line, rich brown eyes and the bloody I’m here to help and I can comfort you presence. It was alsways the same thing with these shrinks.

He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. “You are on a 72 hour hold and on suicide watch,” the last two words made it feel like ice water was injected into my veins and I froze. “that is why you are here Jane, you tried to kill yourself. I want to help you and stop you from trying. However, I can see that you probably don’t want to talk.” No shit Sherlock ran through my mind making me scoff in amusement. His eyes squinted at the small display of emotion. “I will leave if you answer one question.”

“I’m listening” I said coldly.

“Would you do it again” his voice tense and strong.

“In a heartbeat” was all I said, his was unreadable as he got up and left the room pausing at the door.

“I’m sorry” echoed of the walls as he left, I turned my head so that he couldn’t see the tears running down my face.

 


© Copyright 2017 Jacob Ian Allen. All rights reserved.

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