Barney's Christmas

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Fantasy  |  House: Booksie Classic
The epilogue of the short story "Barney" by Will Stanton, about what happened after Barney kills the scientists...

*NOTE* the bad spelling is on purpose, it's because though this rat is super intelligent, he's still slightly dumb :)

Submitted: November 14, 2016

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Submitted: November 14, 2016



Barney’s Christmas



Place: a desolate island. Plot: to overrun the world. Object: to increase the intelligence of 25 rats.


Dec.16th, 2027



Yes! My shipmante has finally arrived! Poseing as the hueman Tayloe was a good idea. The female ratts I ordered were brot in, left in front of the dor skweaking loudly. I have managed to lure Tayloe back to this eyeland and he is now also ded, in the well wear the other scientist sleeps. The scientists are both beginning to rott. What I am still unshure of, though, is what ' Christmas ' is. A peece of paper saying the words ' Merry Christmas ' was taped to the box which transported the female ratts. I am certaine that Christmas is something big, so I shell be doing a little reserch in my free time.




I have finnaly found a book about Christmas! It appeares to be a sorte of holladay, wear you give presents to others. I gess as a present, I will give the female ratts nowlege. I do not know if there is enugh glootamik acid treatment for everywon, but if the ratts are as smartt as me, we can commoonicate bettre. But then agen, making rats commoonitcate reminds me of when I first became a ratt, and all those unplesent feelings of losing intelligense came back to me. Perhaps I shud postpone.




I have decided to injekt them with the acid after all. They were never huemans, and so they will knot lose any knowledge like I did. When they become smartter, finally, I wood be able to take over the world with my ever so loyal army. 




The female ratts have all been injekted with the acid. There was bearly enugh to go around, but I just abowt managed. I have let them run freely, hoeping that they will take more interest in the liebary and things otherthan the smell of the rotting huemans. Upon doing so, I have notised that one ratt in perticuler is very smartt. Sometimes it makes me feel like she mite be even smartter than me. When I am redy to overrun the world, I will make surre she is by my side.




Some of the ratts learned the concept of ' secrets '. I thinke they mae be keeping a suprize from me, which I predict is a present for Christmas tomorro. This exites me, sinse if they are giving me something, I will let them dine on the ded huemans with me as our Christmas Eve feeste.

I cannot wait to see what present the female ratts are deciding to give me, but I feele as if I will be in for a big suprize tomorro.


Dec.25th, Christmas Day


This will be my last little diary entry. In a haste, last night I decided to eliminate all the rats and then cowardly commit suicide, for I fear that if somebody finds out about our highly intelligent species, the outcome may be very bad. If any humans come by and read this, know that we rats are no longer alive. I leave the well as a shrine for the two poor men I unrightfully killed as well as my fellow rats. I now feel that I, Barney, have been very  stupid and inconsiderate for killing the innocent men, and these are my most sincere apologies. Again, when you read this, know that we have long since been dead and leave silently. Please do not return, for all that you shall find are rotting bodies and disease. 

If anything, bring some male rats as a remembrance sign for me. Males only. That is all. Goodbye, and Merry Christmas.




- Barney the evil merciless killer

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