When my husband went to Phoren

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
Story of a young women who had to part with her husband who flew across seven seas to chase his dream...story of how she uncovers her real self, the world beyond and beneath the exterior

Submitted: November 21, 2016

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Submitted: November 21, 2016

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It was one of those confused, empty morning of Aug 16th which was neither hot nor cold just like a bride's mixed feelings before entering an unknown terrain. I woke up and looked at the calendar in my hand phone. Ahh! Two more weeks.... and then my life will be upside down; I will be left alone grappling with myself. How the hell am I?....the feeling itself threw a chill down my spine.

Kartik had been trying to pursue higher studies since last three years but did not get any success. He sat for the much touted GMAT exam but could not secure admission in a college of his choice. I remember vividly in the month of May 2015 he had applied to this XYZ university in US with a very neutral mindset, almost sure he wouldn't be able to make it this time too.
To everyone surprise, he received application acceptance and admission offer from that university with a good scholarship and a part time job of Research Associate too.
I still remember, I was doing my daily riyaaz(vocal practice) when he just stepped out of one of our bedrooms with laptop in his hand and that winning smile and broke this news to me.
Kritika, they accepted my application! He said.
This news was unbelievable to me also as we had lost hopes. We hugged each other and congratulated ourselves. Coiling in the warmth of his body, the fear of parting pulled me deep down in my heart but I tried to put up a brave front in front of him.
Very soon, things started rolling and Kartik resigned, started shopping, applied for visa etc. As each and every task was tick marked as done, my heart was sinking in a chasm. He could sense it and one fine day when I was working half-heartedly in office he called me to ask what's wrong? I started crying. Trying my best to hide that tiny whining and swallowing the lump in my throat.
Are you crying? Kartik said
No, why would I? I said
OK, today I got the date for visa interview; need you to come with me. Am nervous. He said.

Days flew like sand and I was getting more and more jittery. Finally the D day arrived - 29th July, I could not sleep the whole night, and neither did Kartik.
The alarm on that day was like a siren being blown just at the doorstep of my ears with a mocking hoarseness in it. I couldn't resist my tears and started crying, I cried with all my might thinking may be something will happen, maybe he will change his mind. Kartik hugged me tight and cried too.

Theek se so jaana Kritika(Try to sleep properly at night) - Kartik said. That's all he said and cried. My face hid in his chest which was wet with my tears and his too. He knew that I couldn't sleep a day without him. Even when he was on official tour I used to count the days and eagerly wait for him to come back. His coming back used to be grand always and I celebrated it with sumptuous food of his choice. It was celebration for both of us.
The wall clock was a personified time bomb that day and I hated it...so very hated it. We started for the airport, I was numb. I knew I was parting with a piece of my heart. Uncertainty was looming as I didn't know when I will see him next.
He checked in the airport and I kept looking at him till the time he vanished (remember the blue Tee fading into the crowd).
I came home with a very heavy heart, cried in distress...my precarious life without Kartik staring right into my eyes. I had no clue how would my next day look like. I did not want to wake up...period.

In the beginning relatives came to my rescue but very soon it dawned on me that it's not going to work. It’s always momentary relief with them.

My company ABC had applied for my visa too based on which we happily took a decision of him going ahead with the admission process and me following him later. Unfortunately, this happiness was very short lived as weeks before Kartik left; my visa was put on hold by the consulate because of reasons best known to them. As they say in case of US, its either you get the visa or you don't there is no logic, no reason for non-acceptance.
So, future was uncertain for me and here I was alone waiting for things to happen on their own as nothing was in my control any more. I got released from my project too for which I had rendered my blood and sweat but as they say in corporate world you will be dumped when you need it the most. My bad.
Few days later, my Mom came to see me and we had the best of times together but very soon she also left. I also accompanied Mom as it was my Dad's retirement which I did not want to miss.

After wrapping this all up in Ranchi(my parent's place), I came back to Delhi all alone. The walls were appearing mammoth to me and I suddenly found myself lost in this small flat.
I couldn't sleep days together and hid my feelings from Kartik as he was busy with his super demanding course and my best sense did not allow me to vent my feelings before him.

Back in Feb the same year(2015) I was introduced to a Buddhist practice called Nicherin Buddhism(NB) and was practicing Buddhism intermittently as most of my time was spent in office and the remaining one was totally Kartik 's copyright.
The practice consisted of chanting an invocation and doing Budhhist study with other members who upheld the same practice.
After Kartik left for US, I had immense time at my disposal, I thought why not give this a try at least it would be better than sitting and brooding at home. Members (folks practicing NB) too started encouraging me to get more involved in the Buddhist practice. I started immersing more and more in it and very soon became a regular at meetings and gatherings. I started meeting more and more people. I gave all my time which I had after working hours to the practice, meeting people, listening to their plights, studying Buddhist literature, seeking guidance from seniors in faith.

I developed an interest in meeting and talking to people in general. Anybody coming my way anywhere was welcome. I had all ears for everyone.
Meeting so many people in the practice, I came across Sangeeta Aunty whom I met almost daily morning. She encouraged me with Budhhist guidance and how best one should deal with any situation in life.
With my faith and the practice by my side, I focused myself and submitted all the documents required for my visa. It was surprising for me how well I handled the documentation, I was surprised by my composure and cohesiveness.
At workplace, I started hanging out with my friends. Friends who used to label me loner now looked forward to going out with me.
My friendship with my good friend Rashmi emboldened and we bonded like soul mates. That was the best time I had in my company.
She could notice the change in me and asked me during one of our after lunch strolls - Kritika, aap itne positive ho gaye ho(you have become so positive). Very happy to see this, you are calmer now.
This was an achievement for me as it was coming from a person who had seen my lows and my highs.

Because of the time zone difference I waited crazily to talk to Kartik and kept on checking my whatsapp to see his last seen. That itself gave me an unknown pleasure.
But, as the investments I was making in my self started reaping benefits I became calmer and calmer and calmer. From sleepless nights to peaceful ones that's what my journey is.

I started living my life. Of course Kartik was, is and will always remain and indispensable part of it but only after he left for a foreign country did I realize that life is much more than just clinging on to one relationship(s).
Today, I feel people I meet, who are my friends, family members; members in practice... all of them have a claimable stake in my life. I am responsible to each one of them.

Life is not just getting married, slogging hard at workplace, trying to fit in. Life is much more than that, as my father used to say - you get only one life or at least you know only one life in this life ? so make best use of this life.

As I am penning this experience of mine, it is six month of my journey with myself...with Kritika :)
Just as a kid slowly walks on its own after months of crawling, I also started living and life happened to me. I am glad that I had to part with my loving husband and it’s only after that that I grew as a person and then my human revolution happened. I can say that I love my company now :)

Am sure when I meet my life partner, he will have his own story to tell you on how he unleashed the new me :D


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