Fear Fall

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Her
Not suitable for all ages, as some pieces of this story has mature material.

Submitted: November 22, 2016

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Submitted: November 22, 2016

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11/21/2016.

It's not like this date has any importance to anyone. 

In fact, this day isn't important at all. I'm just going to continue my life as the depressed child I've grown up to only know and be. I've never understood actual happiness, any happiness I've shown didn't last, and mostly artificial. Fake happiness. It's was I've accustomed to. What I've known, maybe even turned it into my religion. Only not really, because, I'm not even sure any more of what or who I am as a walking person on the face of this Earth. 

Like I said- it doesn't matter.

So,on the day of 11/21/2016, this has became put in my brain again for the hundredth time. Remembering this, I push and drag the razor blade deep in to my arm, using my somewhat feeble hand. Uncaring of the pain that it causes. Uncaring of everything around me.I soon notice the blood oozing out of the cuts I had just put on my arms. I deemed myself a smile allowed on my face because of the blood. This was good. Apart of my plan. The plan was to commit suicide, and at that moment I had no care how it was going to be done, but it was in my plan for it to be done, to not live, care, hope,cry, bleed, walk, hate, be angry. It was going to be done, I planned it, and I wanted it to happen at that very moment, regardless of how people felt after it had happened. Without any shame, and covertly, I press a ball of napkin against the cuts, pleased that I had made the cuts very tiny and small, I go into the restroom to go release myself of all that had just happened in my bedroom. I want to wash what just just happened away, including the thoughts that went with them. Though, I don't even know why I want to rid them; They've been in my head since the very first time I've pressed a knife to my throat telling my father to kill me, or I'd kill myself. That was nearly ten years back. 


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