WAY TO BLIND IN LOVE

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
If we are running out of words, it doesn’t mean we have no words. It meant we don’t know where to start and end as we have much more to say!!

Submitted: November 24, 2016

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Submitted: November 24, 2016

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Are you TRUELY MADLY DEEPLY in love with someone!!?

Great! welcome aboard to the world of ECSTASY. We could see the pretty and most promising version of us, which we tried finding years together and failed. We are ready to lose anything but not our love which become the ray of hope to transform our dream to future.

This phase of life change without losing its flavor when months fly after a long term commitment in the name of marriage. We may still feel high on each other but the responsibility we bare part us a little away to build a strong Base for the dreamt future.

That was his first Birthday together after am being authorized as MRS, which is exactly a year latter. I was filled with thrill to mend a memorable day for him. I wish I could change the situation lighter and the bash better but I was clueless as how to proceed further.

Our marriage life turned bitter very soon than we anticipated. We started our life promising each other to stand as a perfect example. Now I feel it is the dumbest thing we ever did. The reasons we impose on each other, for what is happening and what happened between us is too messy to be discussed and day by day the impact of it, grew bigger and bigger without our sense. We both tried to figure out what is the missing factor and the game is still on. All I know is I throb for his love as same as from day one and I hope that he does the same.

Heros of my Big plan were his FRNDZ, who can only bring the smile in him at this situation. Now all I want is a perfect plan to make him fall for me again hence gathering all my guts I phoned his friend, whom I knew hardly to plan the B’day Bash.. We made a team.

Memorable happenings can also be simple. I sticked to the same tag line.

I was waiting eagerly for all other people to gather. Minutes passed by, the anxiety reached its peak. I made sure that he doesn’t notice me anywhere near his office because I don’t want to spoil the surprise. I wanted to prove him that I still love him more and want to stay lovable in his heart forever.

After 2 hours of wait and struggle of patience I saw his friend rushing towards me with big box of flavored cake and reasons. I wanted to toast him in the fire of my anger but I managed to hide it brilliantly. I gave a pleasant smile at his every reason for being late.

More than the surprise party, I was hoping for a good turn for all the misunderstanding we posses now. I wanted to erase the hatred we hold, which is silly enough to be considered. I moved on to the next phase of our mission as it was already late.

We all followed one another to his work space and I am the last one. The young lad we looking for was sitting with the laptop in a lost world. In no minute they all screamed from his back, wishing for his Birth Day. They busted the poppers, laughter spreading and exchanged hugs. He was in hell lot of happiness. He was much more confused to realize what just happening to react.

At last I wished“A VERY HAPPY BDAY AND I WISH THE SMILE STAYS FOREVER “and gave him a gentle hug. Guess he was surprised to see me among them and to know am the part of plan. He blushed and thanked. Seemed very formal still I enjoyed the moment because now I don’t regret for the loss of his smile which I value more than my life. Watching him being happy filled the air between us with love. My job was done very well. Proud Moment actually!!

He looked amazing with the Blue denim shirt and jean I got for him. It worth the time I spent to select. The short gold chain glittered with the love I managed to save, little by little. I knew he is happy for what all happened. I secretly wished for some more surprises from his end. The party went on and on with laughter and gossips among them. I was waiting for my moment to come but it never happened.

After the bash we hurried home as it was almost 10.20 pm. While we are in bus he spoke about the whole day at work. Minutes later we ran out of topic and the silence crawled in. The long wait for my moment made me ill and restless. My heavy heart now refusing to pound. I am keeping my fingers crossed as it is time to know the impact for my entire effort.

Finally we started walking through the long empty lane where few street lights flickered and few failed to glow. The silence between us made me very weak to realize that the party is over and so everything else is. I literally wanted to pull off his collar, cry out louder till I drain out and ask “Why are you still holding yourself!? Where we really stand in our life!? Is this how we gonna proceed our life further!? Do you really hate me for what I am!? Is our marriage is wrong decision!?”

Before the cold war ended, we reached the gates of our home i totally felt defeated and I have no other magic to spell over him. However hard I tried a tear dropped off my eyes as the token of acceptance of my failure.

Out of blue he turned back to me and held my hands. I have no strength to face him and started to sob like a lost kid, actually I became one. He finally spoke “ I know what you are undergoing these months and so I am. Our expectations were far different to be analyzed. Might be we are too young to understand what a life is and not exposed to the real world. But I wanna let you know nothing has changed our love”.

I saw the love for me in his eyes and we kissed each other long enough which was filled with sorry, thanks and much more that we were holding for months together. Almost we forgot that we are still in streets. I realized!! if we are running out of words, it doesn’t mean we have no words. It meant we don’t know where to start and end as we have much more to say!!

BUT THAT IS NOT HOW IT ENDED…. While we walked alone, I couldn’t withstand the silence that almost started to kill me. I asked “Are you happy with what happened!? Might be I did nothing Big to take pride. All I wished to see is your happiness as always. Still it is hard to know I didn’t do enough to make you say I LOVE YOU”

He said " I am happy". I asked back" is that all you felt!? “His smile vanished and with the tone of frustration he said “So what should I do for it!? Should praise you and Thank for what happened!? You did nothing special!!” He said straight at my face and walked away without turning back. It all happened in seconds but it took minutes for me to recall what happened.

It would be painful melody chimes inside us when HONEY turns to HONEY BEE that stung our heart. I was literally confused without knowing how to correlate with what I just spoke and what happened!!!, Tears rolled down uncontrollably asking so many questions!

I felt ashamed of being a moron all time because my tears never flinched him until it becomes fully fledged drama. It doesn’t matter if am dying inside, he made me feel guilty for what I am at the end. The big disadvantage of unconditional love is you need to regret for the mistakes you never committed.

I WAS WAY TO BLIND IN MY LOVE AND HE WAS WAY TO BLIND TO REALIZE IT. Bitterness in relationship lumped like cancer and finally we found a graveyard to dump the so called love we had, where it can rest in peace.

I am still trying to figure out an answer for my past quest. It is a never ending process which is of no use because all was done. He might have also felt the same way as i did because loss of life is not concerned with only one. But I will accuse him for not standing in place of righteous MAN at least to me. One will always be better than other but u should be clear enough about what you want and what you need!! There is lot more difference between them.

Dear soul mates, why can't we love each other more leaving behind the mistakes instead of pushing each other away with the feel of insecurity or guilty? We don't get anything outta letting our better half down in front of others for their mistakes. Because where there is love there is oneness. Hence we know Letting them down is letting ourselves down.

Look at your heart. It holds the Key of your Happiness. Don’t lie to it and don’t get deaf to what it says. ONLY YOU CAN LIVE YOUR LIFE!! Love failure sounds better than a Life failure. My heart has no muscles, it is now a hard rock ball with which i am ready to bare any punch & to stand up for the days to come.

When am young I hoped that years later and somewhere far away there will be A MAN who loves me as a whole with my flaws against the drifts in life and in turn holds me back strong enough. I dunno whether am I authorized to have such a dream again now but I know None can charge me for a BEAUTIFUL DREAM. WINK!


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