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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
Dermott and his mate Mark are going to commit a robbery. The plan is fool-proof.

Submitted: November 26, 2016

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Submitted: November 26, 2016





Are ya sure about this, Dermott,” Mark asked as they stood together peering up the long drive. It was quiet and all signs of daylight had now gone.

The house was like a mansion, and probably had as many rooms in it as there were in a whole row of houses where he and his mate lived. And the grounds leading up to it were more like a park than a garden. There was a curving gravel drive going from the gates almost right to the front door and ample space for at least five cars to be parked. There was a high fence surrounding the property with a sturdy gate between it and the road.

Sure I’m sure, Mark. Would ya ever stop worrying!”

It’s just that it’s more like some sort of fortress than a house. How are we ever gonna get in there.”

And that’s the whole point, Mark. All this security down at road level, they’re bound not to bother with much else. We get in through this gate and we got it made. Just think of what sort of stuff there’s gonna be inside there. We’ll be able to pick and choose and make a killing with the proceeds.”

With Dermott being so confident it was hard not to get a bit excited. Mark was new to all this breaking and entering, didn’t really want to be involved, but if he backed out now he’d lose face with all his mates. And why not! Whoever was sitting pretty behind these gates could certainly afford to donate a bit to the less well off.

And you’re quite sure they’re not there?” Mark asked.

Would ya ever just lighten up? They’ve gone for the weekend, probably in another country by now. Let’s see if it worked, okay, and if we get in we’ll go ahead.”

Dermott looked hard at Mark, then pushed his hand hard against the gate. There was some resistance, it didn’t swing freely open as they had expected. Mark was just starting to feel a bit of relief when Dermott put a bit of effortinto his shoving and the gate moved.

Stick to the gravel, okay. Footprints will show up on the grass, what with the frost and that. And don’t worry! It’ll be fine. This time tomorrow you’ll be thanking your best mate Dermott for bringing ya all that lovely cash.”

Dermott set off up the drive striding along quite confidently, whistling quietly as he went. Mark followed, pushing the gate almost closed. It wouldn’t do to announce their presence to any passing neighbour by leaving a gate normally closed wide open. It didn’t take him long to catch up.

They were about half way up the drive when the spotlight switched one. The beam of light picked them out perfectly, and the two lads froze on the spot. From each side of the house a man appeared, both apparently armed with shotguns. “Well, well!” said one of them. “Looks like we found ourselves a coupla scared rabbits.”

Ya eejit, Dermott! No, they’ve not bothered with more security. They’re just happy behind their fence. So much so they’ve hired the army or something.” Mark was getting ready to leg it but Dermott whispered urgently.

Whatever ya do, don’t run. It’ll just say ‘guilty’ if ya do. Carols! We’re carol singers, okay, raising money for the kids hospital.”


No buts, Mark. Get singing.”

Dermott began singing ‘Silent Night’ while Mark started on about ‘dreaming of a white Christmas.’ Their voices were tuneless and the songs clashed.

Rapidly they switched songs, still out of tune, out of synch and singing totally different songs once more. The armed men drew closer to each other with every step, shotguns trained on the two lads that now found themselves floundering for words.

The door opened and out stepped another man. This one had a leash in his hand, instead of a firearm; a leash that was attached to the collar of a very large and very fierce looking dog.

Hi!” Mark was the one to find his voice first. “We’re.....we’re carol singing to raise money for charity. No need for the guns and the dog,okay!

Dermott joined in. “Yeah. We’re raising money for that hospital, the kids one. For Christmas.” He realised he was holding his hands up in the air which was only serving to make him appear even more guilty. Slowly he lowered his arms, keeping his eyes firmly on the dog.

The man in the middle spoke up. “So you’re carol singers are ya? Nah! If you’re carol singers then I’m Santa and my pal here’s Jack Frost.” He pointed to the dog that was straining to give chase, growling and showing it’s teeth.

He looked towards the men on each side of him. ‘What’d ya reckon, Jack? Ben? Are these two here the genuine thing or are they just a couple of would-be crooks?”

Mark and Dermott didn’t wait to hear the reply but turned and dashed back the way they’d come, Mark wishing he’d left the gate wide open and Dermott loudly cursing him for not doing so. They didn’t pause to look over their shoulders but pushed and shoved each other, both wanting to be first to make the gate and safety.

As the neared the end of the drive the three guards began to sing in perfect harmony; “There go the red faced eejits, running off to save their lives” to the tune of ‘Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer’.

Mate or not, I ain’t never gonna listen to one of your plans again,” Mark gasped.

The lights came on, and the audience cheered and clapped. The five cast members and an ecstatic dog, lapping up the applause, took their places at the front of the stage and bowed, once, twice, three times before parading off to make space for the next act.


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