This Goes Far Beyond Just You Rejecting Me

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic
taken from my book, "I Gotta Find My Mind"

Submitted: December 16, 2016

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Submitted: December 16, 2016

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This Goes Far Beyond Just You Rejecting Me

-

I'm not here to try and understand you

I'm just here to watch you disappear

__and abandon me

I need tht kind of karma

__for abandoning my ex girlfriend

To give The Lord a way to avenge her

By punishing me

The world doesn't believe in forgiveness

__either

So I am also paying the price

__for everything else wrong with me

____that I've done to people

I wave a red flag

__ev'rywhere I go

Displeasing ev'ry one I know

I get up and leave

When I go

__I go on the road

A traveling madman

__marking his territory

____and migrating all the time

I never stay in one city

__much of the time

But I always go home

__at thee end of the day

I end up on my knees

__pleading for mercy everyday

For every one I hurt

Explaining

__or trying to

____about how sorry I am

I know I will never be done

__with my punishments

There will always be a price to pay

And love will never rescue me

__from the torture I deserve

I'm just gonna continue

__to feel the burn

God knows I'll never learn

The doors to recovering

__from the way I lived my life

____are always gonna be closed

I'll always fall on my face

__just trying to change

'Cause only God can change me

Or so I am told to believe

I am powerless over myself

Even though I am only supposed to be

__powerless to people, places, and things

The love I don't feel anymore

__for anybody

____has turned into resentment

I'm not supposes to resent, either

But I'm not perfect

I know I take advantage of that fact

A Power Greater than me

__is in charge of what happens to me

Has made me unlovable

So no one can love me

That's thee only rationalization

__I can think of

____to explain all this thrashing

______and trashing of my life

I've never been this alone before

I'm not able to reach out

I don't have a voice to do that

My mouth is shut tight

And I won't speak up

So who the fuck can come to me

__in my time of need?

They say "closed mouths don't get fed"

I say "closed mouths feed themselves"

But I can't do this alone

I'm not a wreck

__but don't look at me

I'm not a pretty sight

__for anybody to see

I don't miss dying

I just missed being smothered

__with love and kisses

My favorite ex won't talk to me

Not after she found out

__the worst of me

If I never see her again

__I wouldn't be surprised

She wants me to go to Hell

__and die

And I can't say I blame her

Even if I forgive myself

__nobody else will

So I'll still be treated this way

And I'm not saying that

__to be judgmental

I'm just using the only bit

__of common sense that I have

The worst that I've done

__is so unspeakable

____that no one wants me

______to even bring it up

I'm not entitled to an excuse

So I'm just screwed

I was a fucked up person

And ev'ry one still remembers that

Those who have found out

__still talk about it

____and are able to use it against me

______in every way

Putting me on blast

And spreading the news

__like they ain't got shit else to do

Well, fuck them too

They just wanna ruin my reputation

Everywhere around the world

So that nobody likes me

And I can never forgive them

__for that kind of shit

I'm not trying hard enough

__to amend my behavior

____and I know it

But how do you make amends

__when you can't afford it?

Money will always be an issue

They say "money makes the wold go around"

I say "money is the problem with the world"

But I'm not a communist

That wouldn't solve any of that

I'm no one anybody should be listening to

So why open my mouth to say anything, at all?

I'll fidget with the darkness

__not even on my side either

The use of nothing good

Will ramble on and on

Like all the things that never get said

I have no weapon to protect myself

People will continue to ruin me

Because people are generally

__evil and sick

I can't defend myself from the world

And God is on their side

So I'll just lose ev'ry one I love

'Cause that's just what they want

Even number 100 will run

I just know it

Even number 101 too

One-way loving

__will just go on

'Cause there's just no hope for me

But don't pity my sorry ass

I'm not worth it to begin with

-

12-15-'16 #2

D. L. Cannon


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