Tending to Business

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
A tongue-in-cheek look at government intervention. There seems to be a population set-back in the world, of sorts. What is the cause and who will find out?

Submitted: December 22, 2016

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Submitted: December 22, 2016



"So you are saying that 100 less babies are being born each month than the previous month, worldwide," Said the Professor of Statical Analysis, Jacob Steinberg, Harvard University.

"That's right Professor. At first we thought that it might be a computer glitch so we checked the numbers and ran them again. We always get the same analysis that roughly 100 less babies are being born every month and according to our findings this has been going on for about two years now."

Professor Steinberg started pacing across his office floor, then asked, "Have you ask anyone else to run an analysis, independently?"

"Yes sir, Cambridge and Princeton, both. Their findings pretty well mirror ours," was the reply from Henry Settle, a grad student and head of this research team.

Then Henry noted, "Princeton came to the conclusion that the greatest drops in births were first seen along the earth jet stream, then seemed to flow into the heaviest populated areas of the planet; much as an airborne contagion would do."

The Professor stopped pacing, looked at Henry and asked, "Does anyone have a clue as to the cause."

"No Professor, Henry replied, "But there are a couple of theories floating around among the team members."

"And they are?" The Professor questioned.

Henry continued, "The first one is a meteor sir. Within a few months of the Sycamore/Townsend meteor crashing into the South China Sea, birth rates leveled out for a while, and then they began dropping dramatically."

"What is the second theory Henry?" asked the Professor.

"Someone intentionally created this virus and released it into the jet-stream for fast delivery," Henry replied with a chuckle in his voice.

Professor Steinberg stated, "Well, both of those sound farfetched to me, but none the less we need to turn this information over to the Department of Health and Human Services. They will probably want to start screening peoples to see if they can figure out what it is and how it is preventing pregnancies.

But aside from that, tell everyone involved to keep this information to themselves, we do not want a public panic on our hands. It could look badly for the schools if something were to go awry."

"Right you are Professor," Henry replied, "I'll get on that right away."

Henry sent an e-mail to all parties concerned, noting liability concerns and asking them to keep this information under wraps.

Then Henry crafted a beautifully worded message to the Department of Health and Human Services telling them of the universities concerns; he included a summary of their statistical findings also. He made a highlighted notation stating that within a few short years it was possible that no babies at all would be born; unless, of course, the cause was discovered and the situation rectified.


(Several Months Pass)


There came a knock at the door of the Oval Office, then a beautiful young woman came in and just stood there for a moment.

"Yes Trisha, what is it?" The President asked.

"Sorry to bother you Sir, but John Lesser from the Department of Health and Human Service is here to see you." Trisha stated.

The President replied, "Oh yes, he called earlier, send him in.

Mr. Lesser rushed in and stood near the President’s desk, nervously, then said, "No baby’s sir, no babies were born last month, anywhere in the world. It is not a hoax! It is real!"

"Well, the world doesn't need as many people as it has anyway. It's not good, there are too many starving," the President replied.

Mr. Lesser asked, "Shouldn't we start looking for the reason babies aren't being born, sir?" We cannot let this continue too long. Our scientists are saying that we could lose whole generations, sir. Even the media is all up in arms about this and saying that we are being irresponsible."

The President replied, "You can't trust the media, you know that. I've told you about them many times and I am always right.

Mr. Lesser lowered his head somewhat and replied, "Yes Sir."

"Look, my term is up in less than a year, and my family owns a boat-load of stock in three of the biggest pharmaceutical companies in the world. We acquired those stocks in a trade deal, I make good deals, I always have. Anyway, we acquired those stocks before the media, or anyone else, knew much about this baby thing. Everyone was saying that it was a hoax and that China was behind it; I told you that.

Look, like I said, my term is up in less than a year, and my family is not about to sell those stocks just because of a possible conflict of interest. If we start trials now we are going to have to give out research contracts, and they will probably go to those companies.

No, we will wait and let the next president worry about finding a cure for that virus."

Mr. Lesser looked confused, then asked, "Virus Sir, how do you know that it is a virus?"


D. Thurmond / JEF  --- 12-18-2018

© Copyright 2019 D. Thurmond, aka, JEF. All rights reserved.

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