Christmas times

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
Most people love christmas, but not everyone does. I am one of those people, I get depressed around christmas tilme. It reminds us of what we are missing, not all of us have those amazing family moments, not all of us have that love, that closness to our relatives. If you are one of those lucky ones, the ones who have family, a support system, love, enjoy it and never take that for granted. You might not realise how lucky you are until you lose it all.

Submitted: December 25, 2016

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Submitted: December 25, 2016

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Most people love christmas, it reminds them of magical childhoods, presents, famillies, love... For many christmas is the best time of the year. To me christmas is the exact opposite. I am part of the small percentage of people who get depressed at christmas. Yes for some people christmas is the worst time of the year. Depression comes back. The highest suicide rate is around the christmas hollidays. That could have been me and I am hoping it won't be.

 

You see, I don't see christmas as fun, loving, family moments... I know what christmas is supposed to be like. Families and friends are supposed to come together for the hollidays and be happy. Some arguments occure but that's okay because in general everyone has a great time. My christmas day and hollidays happen a bit differently. I see what I am missing out on. My family doesn't « come together » as others usually do. Yes they do reunite at a same place but this only brings chaos. Today was no exception.

 

My mother found out I am transgender, she didn't take it very well, she convinced me not to tell my father, he would either kick me out or hurt me. My brother ignored me as he has been doing my entire life. I thought that maybe one day we could be okay but whenever he comes over I see that that is impossible. This year he took it one step further. He didn't buy me a present for christmas. I don't care about not receiving the present, that is not the problem, I couldn't care less about that. It just broke my heart to see that he didn't even bother to think about me this christmas and he doesn't care in the slightest.

 

At christmas I see that I barelly have a true family, we are just a bunch of people who are forced to live in the same house every once in a while and who hate each other. Sometimes my brother gets along with my sister, my parents love my brother, no one seems to love me, I spend most of the christmas hollidays wondering what I did to make everyone hate me like this. I think about it so much but I can never see what I did. Do I have such a terrible personaity ? Am I so annoying ? They hate me, I would hate to think that it is because I am transgender, that might be one of the reasons but it can't be the only one can it ? Can one fact about someone make their hole family hate them ? Is gender really that much of a problem to them ? Most of the time I manage to disconnect myself from my family emotionnaly but at christmas time I get reminded of what a family really is and that that is something that I am missing in my life.

 

Stay strong, keep on surviving, see you, I love you !

Just get through christmas if you are like me, otherwise cherrish those family moments as much as you can, not everyone has that chance.

Merry christmas

XXX

Teen nobody.


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