Tired

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic
Would really appreciate any feedback to be honest. Positive or negative. Thanks.

Submitted: December 25, 2016

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Submitted: December 25, 2016

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I always feel tired, but after being, you know, alive for a while around other people, you soon realize your friends don’t actually care. Face it, all those people that you call friends, they have their own problems too, and you’ll come to realize that in the end, their problems come first, and who can blame them? No one can, because it’s their life, and they don’t have to serve you. It’s not like it’s their chore to just listen to you and be there for you. The situation is simple for everyone. You get a group, you call them friends, and fewer people mess with you. Hopefully you don’t know all of this yet, because maybe there’s a chance for you to get this “aha” moment and you save yourself a lot of trouble. Or not. Maybe you could just go to your friends and talk to them about this and see how much they care. Or at least find one who does. It helps more than you may think to at least get one.

As I said I always feel tired now, but the alarm clock never wakes me. I just-so-happen to wake up when I need to. I get up, brush my teeth, shower fix my hair, the whole drill, get in the car and go to work. Get off at 6 and go hang out with some friends. I don’t even follow the conversations with the guys anymore. They start and end and it’s just the same stuff but different. I don’t even like the bar we go to, but sometimes it’s better to be with people than to mope at home all day. “Andrew?” I realized the table was staring at me and I looked around chuckled and said “What?”. The table started laughing at me, and I looked at all their faces. How they were all the same to me. They were so unique and uniform it was something I had become accustomed to. Turns out they asked me about May, and I said she’s fine, and that i didn’t know why she didn’t come. I don’t know why they asked either. The last time I tried opening up anything wrong about one of my friends or myself the table would get upset with me for dampening to mood so I stopped listening to them. It’s too tiring to follow along anymore anyways..

I don’t really know what to do when I get home. Usually May messages me to get on the video game or something. May didn’t message me for a while. I met her in about a year ago, and she’s helped me through a lot of emotional stuff -- or so I thought -- and has become a real friend to me. The only friend I have. I called her.

“Hey, you wanna get online?”,

“Nah, not tonight, I’m really tired, I had a long day.”,

“Oh, is everything good? You need anything ?”

“Haha, shut up. I’ll get on tomorrow or somehtin’”.

She hung up. Usually she says goodbye. I didn’t think anything of it. After all, it’s just a small thing.

Weeks turned into months, and Jay rarely got online. I didn’t see him come hang out with the group after work as much as he used to. We started arguing a lot anyways. Over anything really. Over a mistake in the game, over how an old story went. Anything. It was painful reaching out to him and we always seemed to fight. It got to a point where I just felt tired. When we went to the bar most recently and we were all laughing I looked for May's face. Her face was difficult to find. It was meshed together in a crowd of nameless bodies. This thought hurt. They were all the same. The one individual was now a faceless body. I got up and left the bar without saying goodbye. Usually I say goodbye, but I didn’t think anything of it. It just wasn’t a significant event.

I got home that night and I did nothing. I laid down on my couch and looked at my phone. *vvvt* I don’t know why I had my phone on vibrate. I looked at the notification, and It was a text from Sael. “Hey, is everything going good?” the message read. I don’t know why she texted me. I don’t think I’ve ever talked to but once. I know she hands out with the group but we weren’t really friends. “Yeah, do you need anything?” I replied. “Yeah, for you stop assuming people always need something from you when they message you. I was just asking if you were okay.” This took me by surprise. I didn’t know what to respond with. I knew May would probably be jealous if I didn’t text her soon, but Everything with her was mostly pain right now anyways, so I didn’t care. “Oh, sorry.”

“It was just a joke, don’t worry, I wasn’t being serious.”

“Oh, haha, I didn’t know.”

“Well, I hope everything is alright, you can text me if you need me.”

Again, I was at a loss of what to say. I just let the words roll over me and ignored them. After all, I didn’t feel anything about this. I felt everything about this.

The next day after work we went to the same bar. I sat with my group and slightly participated in the laughter, every-now-and then telling a story to a wholly faceless crowd of friends except one. Sael. I stopped in the middle of a story and I looked at her. I must’ve looked at her thousands of times but I’ve never seen her face until now. The table stared at me, and i soon noticed the glare from May was burning into the side of my head, and I continued the story as if nothing happened. I forgot what the story I told was, but in the end i remember everyone laughed. On my way out to my car I noticed the rain, and the light cracks of lightening followed by nothing. Just a flash with no purpose, no mark. Just there and then gone. I saw May when I opened my car door and I tried talking to her. “May, are you okay? I don’t know what’s been happening these past two months but is everything going well?”

“You know, if you really cared about what I felt, you’d still try to talk to me every day” she replied.

This infuriated me. “What are you talking about?!” I yelled “I have been trying to get in contact with you for so long,the few times we do talk we fight, but usually you’re never there to respond.” I said.

“Never there? What do you mean, we’ve been talking everyday for almost a year.” she replied, then walked away and drove off.

I checked my phone, she was right. We had been talking everyday. Not one day was missed. But for some reason when I look at the texts, It wasn’t her I was talking to. I look at the responses, and it just wasn’t the same May. It was as if someone stole her phone and was playing a trick on me for a month.

I got home and I chose not to text May. I knew We’d have a fight and I was too tired to try anything. I’ve been so tired lately. I sat on my couch turned on the TV when my phone went off. I let out a deep sigh. I thought I was about to read a furious message from May, but turns out it was Sael.

“Hey, everything alright between you and May?

“Look, I don’t know why you’re asking. The last time I brought up any issues with any of you guys I was shut down immediately. Trust me, you don’t have to care, I won’t be bothered.

“Maybe you don’t remember, but I actually stood up for you every time you’ve done something like that. You should open up some. Or at least give people another chance. You shut everyone out, but most don’t care to notice. I’ll leave you alone though, Cool down some.”

Once again, Sael knew exactly what to say to make me speechless. I didn’t reply to that last text message. I’m never left speech less like this. But this is the second time she’s left me with nothing to say. I usually have responses to things like this but I didn’t think anything of it. It was only a small thing.

The next day I decided to text sal before we went to the bar and I invited her to hang out at the park. It was an interesting experience. Nothing much happened we just sat there talking until we heard the screech of tires on the road and saw May step out of the car. I sighed deeply. May stormed over to us. “What exactly are you doing Andrew?”

“I’m hanging out with Sael, calm down.”

“WHy didn’t you invite me?”

I thought about this for a second. Why didn’t I invite her? Then I realized. I had been doing so much for May, and all I got was ridicule, and criticism. Not once did she ask how I felt.

“Hold on a second, May. Sael, come here.”

We stepped away from may.

“Sael, I don’t know why, but Whatever was between May and I, our friendship is gone.”

“Do what you feel is right Andrew.”

I sighed. I walked over to May

“Look, You’ve changed, you are not who you once were, and I’m going to have to ask you to just leave me be.”

May’s eyes widened, her mouth dropped slightly. “I can’t.. Believe you..” She turned to her car started sobbing and drove off.

“Sael.” I said starting to tear up. “Sael, that was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life. I know i needed to but… wow.”

“Andrew, It’s okay, Trust me, I’m nothing like her anyways.”

We stood there in the park. It must’ve been a while but I woke up in the park laying next to Sael. Though there was a clear crack in the center of my heart, I couldn’t help but think Sael, was the only one who could possibly fix it. I was tired though. So I tried not to think anymore. Who would listen anyways. Maybe Sael would. I should open up sometime. Opening up would be a big step for me but I didn’t think anything of it. After all, maybe it was only a small thing.

 


 


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