Unlikely Conversations

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
If you have.....
Ever had a teleconference go badly wrong?
Ever imagined that satnav voices could talk to each other and share their experiences?
Ever tried texting a shopping list?
Ever tried finding a spare part from a database?
Ever wondered why business communications use three long words where one short one would do?..
Ever been faced with a huge E mail in box when you go back to work after leave?

Unlikely Conversations is set of humorous sketches exploring these and other burning issues surrounding the way the world communicates these days.
If you would appreciate a smile created by an old fashioned essentially British sense of humour......read on
Please note that the mis-spelling and mis-punctuation in all chapters is absolutely deliberate.
All characters are fictitious but some scenarios are based on actual events

Let me know what you think......Comments on my stuff welcomed please.........., good, bad, indifferent, polite, honest,scathing or scornful......I can handle it......!!

Table of Contents

Unlikely Conversation 1

Submitted: January 05, 2017

You have this lovely little satnav gadget sitting on your dashboard that guides you effortlessly to your destination. Imagine the satnav girls were real people who could share the experiences and pressures of the job........Perhaps it might be something like this Read Chapter

Unlikely Conversation 2

Submitted: January 05, 2017

E Mail? Wonderful..! Until you dare to go on leave and your in box is left unguarded...!! Read Chapter

Unlikely Conversation 3

Submitted: January 05, 2017

Why is it I wonder that particularly within commercial organisations that complicated and mostly banal "Office Speak" has now overtaken good old plain understandable English?
Why do communications between corporations and even individuals within those corporations insist on using three large words when probably two small ones would suffice? This is a trend I personally abhor, so here are a couple of examples to demonstrate what I mean..... Read Chapter

Unlikely Conversation 4

Submitted: January 05, 2017

So at the moment in question the water pump has gone on my car. At least that’s what my friendly neighbourhood reasonably cheap, for cash there’s no VAT mechanic had told me. He is a bit strapped for time, so the plan is that I get the pump and then he would do the technical bit. I think that’s called fitting it.
I had driven the car very slowly down to this motor accessories shop.
Read Chapter

Unlikely Conversation 5

Submitted: January 05, 2017

I do have a certain sympathy with the people who man (or woman) those call centres that have to deal with real or potential emergencies like gas leaks, burst water mains or even worse. When calls come in to them they have to patiently try and elicit enough information from the caller as to the size and scale of the emergency. Based more often than not on the scantiest of information… Read Chapter

Unlikely Conversations 6

Submitted: January 05, 2017

It seems that ever since the creation of the written word every single activity in life where one comes into contact with any shape or size of, shall we say, “authority”, be it in connection with, to name but a few, health, education, housing, tax, local or national government requires the filling in of a form. (I wonder if that’s where the expression shape size and form came from?) Read Chapter

Unlikely Conversation 7

Submitted: January 05, 2017

This is the story of Percy.
Percy grew the best turnips in Somerset.
His knowledge of turnip growing was unique.
He had had little or no education and thus his knowledge of his mother tongue, the English language left much to be desired….I was approached to help.
What it illustrates is that perfectly honest law abiding people can actually become mortally afraid of what they simply don’t understand.
Read Chapter

unlikely conversation 8

Submitted: January 05, 2017

So, on this particular Friday she compiled an electronic shopping list which she has more by luck than experience succeeded in texting to him so that he can do the shopping after work. Well that was the theory.
Lists or instructions, whether written down or in electronic form are, of course, open to interpretation. Lists sent by text from an inexperienced texter can be even more so.
He’s ended up that Friday evening standing in the superstore, empty trolley by his side by the deli counter, phone in hand trying to read the text and he’s becoming completely confused.
Read Chapter

Unlikely Conversations 9

Submitted: January 05, 2017

JVWC the third (no names no pack drill) was my boss’s, boss’s boss. Executive Vice President (Global) Birmingham, Alabama. A message to call him back was equivalent to the eleventh commandment to be written on a Mosesian stone. I reached for the phone.

Read Chapter

Unlikely Conversation 10

Submitted: January 05, 2017

So there were my other half and I, in, let us say one of the big out of town supermarkets. No names, no loyalty points. Never again. No, not the Supermarket, just that we happened to be there on Christmas Eve. I really can’t remember why we’d had to leave it so late to go shopping before the festivities but anyway we had. Read Chapter

Unlikely conversation 11

Submitted: January 05, 2017

We place implicit trust in that little gadget that zaps the bar code label don’t we? .How many people actually check their bill at the supermarket? The checkout operator bee-deeps all of your groceries through, hits the total button with a flourish and the cost of impulse buying becomes a stark reality. Out comes the credit card without as much as a murmur.
I wonder what would happen if the bar code reader malfunctioned. Just for a change a little poem to illustrate........... Read Chapter

Unlikely Conversation 12

Submitted: January 06, 2017

The fact that the British almost always expect that business by conducted in the English language sometimes has its drawbacks.
Whilst I can very clearly remember the events and characters mentioned in this chapter, I am struggling to remember the time frame. To the best of my recollection and give or take a year or two it was about 1976.
Read Chapter

Unlikely Conversation 13

Submitted: January 06, 2017

So you’ve tried just about every way you know how to make contact with someone. You’ve tried their land line phone, their mobile phone, their voicemails on both, E mailing them, putting out a call over the loud speaker system but all to no avail. The person you want has for that moment disappeared.
In desperation you ring one of his or her colleagues,
Read Chapter

Unlikely Conversation 14

Submitted: January 06, 2017

Readers of my sort of age (mid sixties) can probably rewind their memory back to the early 1970’s when unlike today telephone switchboards were about the size of a piano and calls were put through to the correct extension by “plugging up” an incoming call to the correct extension orifice. “Answerphones” the forerunner of voicemail were in their infancy…… Read Chapter

Unlikely Conversation 15

Submitted: January 06, 2017

I do fervently, completely, totally, abjectly and unreservedly object to the mass of totally unnecessary trite trivia that seems to be ceaselessly expounded via mobile phones in public places, the subject matters of which, would, almost without a single exception, have waited until the correspondents could discuss the subject matters face to face, particularly since the onlistener (my new word for the audio version of the video “onlooker”) is of course, privy to only one side of such irksome conversations.
The following conversation is a perfect example why my views on the subject are expressed somewhat vehemently in the preceding paragraph.
Read Chapter

Unlikely Conversations (my password)

Submitted: January 06, 2017

This is the last chapter.....Thus Password as in the opposite of foreword........ Read Chapter