Wait!

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Flash Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
Sometimes it's just not safe to let yourself speak.

Submitted: December 29, 2016

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Submitted: December 29, 2016

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Wait!

 

Wait! Don’t go!” Your voice shouts out behind me.

 

I am tempted to just carry on. Maybe pick up a bit of speed. I don’t want to talk to you right now. I’m not sure I’ll ever want to speak to you again.

 

You’ve almost caught me up now so you must have broken your rule of never running. I’ll stop walking, wait for you to catch up. But I will not turn to look at you. I don’t want you to see my face, to see the bruise that I can already feel appearing.

 

Your hand is on my arm, grasping it, holding me still. I try to fight against the impulse to pull away. I need to show you that I no longer care, so I try to let my arm hang loose, impassive.

 

Ben? Talk to me, Ben. Where are you going?” You look at me with hurt in your eyes and that only increases my anger, my feelings of betrayal.

 

I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t want to open my mouth ‘cause I sure as hell don’t know what will come pouring out if I do. You can play the hurt innocent if you like, but I saw you.

Just like all the others, you were standing there watching as that punch was thrown; that punch that was totally unprovoked.

 

Did anyone shout out in my defence, raising their voice against the actions of Harv, the golden-boy bully of the college? Did you, the girl who just hours before had said that she loved me? No, you all watched silently, accepting his behaviour unquestioningly. Why? What kind of a hold has he over all of you? You could easily stand together against him. You could easily have shown me your support!

 

Don’t look at me like that. You are not the one who has suffered a beating in front of what might as well have been the entire student population. You are not the one who has been turned into a laughing stock, not least by the fact that you stood meekly by, condoning his behaviour with your silence.

 

I’m hurt. I’m angry. And I am feeling very much betrayed. I cannot trust myself to even meet your eyes because if I do I know all the pent up emotions will come pouring out of me. I’ll end up yelling at you or crying in front of you and I don’t want to do either. I need you to just let me go.

 

I pull my arm away from you, look towards you but not directly at you. Why are you looking so hurt by my actions? You were the one who has just showed me and everyone else how much you do not care.

 

Two words. That’s all I’m going to trust myself to say to you.

 

Go away!”

 

There, they’ve been said. Gasp all you like, I don’t care. I turn, look straight ahead and, hands buried in pockets, I steadily walk away.

 


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