New Year's Eve.

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic
Short Story. In the perspective of a boyfriend who loses his girlfriend on New Year's Eve. Written pretty quickly. Please no rude comments. Thank you.

Submitted: December 31, 2016

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Submitted: December 31, 2016

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Just like that she was gone and I wasn’t there to stop her from leaving.

 

She was alone on New Year’s Eve. More alone than I thought she was that night. But then again, I wasn’t thinking much of her at that time.

 

I was out celebrating. I was out having fun; dancing and drinking and getting loose with my friends. A masquerade on New Year’s Eve, hell yeah!

 

I felt a little guilty not mentioning it to her until the day of. I knew she would’ve loved to come. In fact, she had said she was wanting to go to one like six weeks prior. So why didn’t I mention it? Why didn’t I tell her that my coworkers invited me to the exact event she had been dreaming of going to?

 

I don’t know. I figured it was too soon, or maybe too much of a hassle to bring her. We were long distance. And, well, I guess to me that meant that I didn’t have to do real boyfriend stuff all the time.

 

So I pushed the guilt away. I knew she didn’t have anyone to celebrate with or have anywhere to go for New Year’s Eve, but still I put my girlfriend in a box, taped it shut, and pushed her into a dark corner of my mind because I still wanted to go out and enjoy myself.

 

And to be honest, I was getting bored. Our schedules hadn’t been matching up for weeks and I was getting bored of the same conversations everyday. In the weeks prior, I had been messaging less and less. I stopped being so mushy all the time and kind of found it annoying when she was mushy to me. I could tell it bothered her when I wasn’t trying so hard to keep up conversations, but she never confronted me about it so all was good.

 

Still, I didn’t know how much doubt I was dripping into her. I didn’t know how lonely I was making her feel.

She was completely alone that night. Her family and her boyfriend miles and miles away. And once I made my way over to the party, I stopped checking her messages. It was my time, and I didn’t want her to spoil it.

 

And just like that she was gone.

 

She killed herself before the new year could arrive.

 

Now, two weeks later, I am standing at the threshold of her empty bedroom. I haven’t been to this apartment in almost two months. There, on the bed, is where her roommates found her body New Year’s Day. They thought she was sleeping because she looked so damn peaceful.

 

They had gone out to celebrate New Year's Eve that fateful night, they hadn’t invited her either.

 

Everything was taken out of her bedroom now except the bed. It was stripped of its blankets and sheets and lay naked in the far corner of the room. I had only come to her place a few times while we were dating. Probably not as often as I should’ve. But I remember her white dresser, her nightstand, and where her she’d pile her dirty laundry in the room.

 

I take my first step inside. And with a blink of my eyes, I see her. Lana appears in front of me and her room is filled with her things again.

 

She has her brown hair tied in a ponytail. The sleeves of her shirt are rolled up to her elbows and she has in her hands a few pairs of folded jeans. She looks up at me then, with her big round eyes shining through her thick glasses.

 

“Michael.” She looks surprised. “What are you doing here?”

 

I stand there in awe. My dead girlfriend in front of me. Her voice a sound my ears vaguely remembered because I had stopped making phone calls to her during our last weeks together and opted for text messages instead.

 

Lana raises her eyebrows at me, waiting for me to respond.

 

I swallow some spit and realize my throat has gone dry. “I… I came to see you.” I can’t believe I’m actually seeing her. A ghost, a hallucination, or whatever, of her.

 

She lets out a chuckle in disbelief and continues to put clothes in her dresser. “Is that so?” Her tone is sarcastic.

 

“Um, yeah…” My hands tremble.

 

“You’re too late.” Lana shakes her head. “Don’t you think you should’ve come to do that when I was alive?” She smirks then, but there’s a sadness in her expression.

 

I don’t know what to say.

 

She hangs her head low for a moment. “...Why didn’t you?” She looks back up at me, and her voice is a whisper. “What was wrong with me?”

 

I take in a breath and she is gone. The room is as empty as it was a few minutes ago. My arms tingle with goosebumps and my ears ring with Lana’s words.

 

Why didn’t I? Nothing was wrong with her, I liked her fine. I was just… It was so… I don’t know. It was getting boring. I had feelings for her, but they were so hard to keep. When you don’t see a person all the time, feelings don’t feel real. The relationship doesn’t feel real. You know that saying “Out of sight, out of mind.” ? Well, that’s a real thing.

 

Am I right, or does this just sound like a bunch of excuses?

 

I don’t know what to tell you. She was my girlfriend, of course I liked her. But I don’t know, I guess I forgot she was a person… with feelings and doubts and fears.

 

She felt all alone. She was in a new town, and all of her friends and family were so far away. She told me about her job that she didn’t like. She told me all the other things she wished she was doing. She told me of all the places she wanted to see. Then she told me she wished I was closer. She told me she wished she could make new friends in her new town. She wanted people to go to the movies with, to have coffee with, people to just talk to.

 

I hated hearing her talk like that. I didn’t want to listen to sad stories, so I always told her to cheer up! Things weren’t as bad as she thought it was, and she should just focus on the positive. That usually ended her moping.

 

People are asking me why. Do I know why she did it? How was our relationship? Did anything go on between us? Indirectly putting me to blame for her suicide. Do they want me to carry the burden of her death on my shoulders?

 

I already feel so guilty. Why didn’t I invite her to that party with me?

Things would have ended so differently. She wouldn’t have… She wouldn’t have…

 

Did the words “Happy New Year” even come out of my mouth to reach her? Not even through text?

 

God damn it.

It’s too late. Lana is right. I came to see her too late.

 


© Copyright 2019 Rowena H.. All rights reserved.

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