Love Changed Me

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic
He died and everyone thought it was my fault. my mother stopped talking to me or cared about me. My big sister, Tammy stopped liking me and all she ever said was hateful things as if i was a murder. However, I felt nothing.

Submitted: January 04, 2017

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Submitted: January 04, 2017




*Mistakes may be found so please let me know.*


He died and everyone thought it was my fault. My mother stopped talking to me or cared about me. My big sister, Tammy stopped liking me and all she ever said was hateful things as if I was a murder. However, I felt nothing.




“Hurry up and leave already! No one wants you here!” she would yell at my face like I wasn't even her sister, like I was someone entirely different or a total stranger.  

“Oh, says the school’s slut” I would spit back at her. Her eyes would only turn more furious like she could hit me anytime. I live in darkness and loneliness but i'm fine with that. I don’t have a problem with it. I have gotten used to it. I have no friends but I don't care. Everyone hates me and you know whose fault it is? Oh well let's say my stuck up sister. She goes around telling people i'm a murder and maybe I will kill them someday if I be friends with them, just like I killed our dad. I mean what kind of sister would go around saying these things to everyone? Doesn't she know i'm her fucking sister!? Or maybe i'm nobody to her but a killer. I was always the crazy one at home and my dad he liked me best. I'm the youngest I know but people don't have to treat me like shit. Way before I was a “murder” everyone was nice to me and we were like a proper family but you can say everything got messed up and i'm the one who caused it all. I do blame myself for my father's death, I am the one who told him to hurry home so he wouldn't miss our most important dinner.


It had been mom’s birthday and we had decided we would do a surprise party but family only. Dad agreed that Tammy and I could make something special for dinner, since Tammy knew how to cook. We had decided to make a roast with some other things and dad said he would try to get home before Mom did. That day there was big storm and I didn't think it was that bad. I started annoying Tammy about calling dad to hurry since we had finished and maybe mom was gonna arrive any minute. Tammy got annoyed and told me to do whatever I wanted. So I ran to the living room leaving Tammy to do all the work.


“Dad come home now. Mum is gonna be here any minute” I said quickly as my heart got excited. It was full of excitement I thought it was going to explode.

“I will be there in a second hun” he said as he was driving. I knew he was driving because I heard the car and rain hitting the car.

“Okay dad” I said really excited but in the next moment when I was just about to hang up I heard screeching of car wheels and then I heard him scream, and then there was crashing banging sound and then silence. My heart started pounding and I called out to my dad but there was no answer.

“Dad?” I said once more my voice going wobbly.

“Dad say something!” I yelled into the phone. But the response I got back was silence. All the excitement I had was drained out of me and replaced with fear. My eyes was getting teary I couldn't hold back my sobbing. I put down the phone and sat down on the chair near by and stopped crying. My heart felt like it had broken into two and like I couldn't feel any feelings anymore.


“Becky” Tammy called out in the other room. But I sat there not replying not crying, not feeling anything.

“Becky! Didn't I call..” she trailed off when she saw my face. It was covered in tears from when I started crying before.

“Becky whats wrong? What happened? Did something-”

“Dad is dead” that's what came out of mouth before I could stop them. I had to say them because I had a feeling he was but I don't feel anything now. He died because of me. It was all my fault. Tammy looked at me like I was crazy.

“Your joking right?” she said laughing. I looked up at her and said “Do I look like i'm joking?” I didn't really know what happened to me that day but I felt like my whole world had collapsed and all I could do was act nasty.

“No Becky you're lying. He is not dead” she said looking at me furious. “How could say something like that!” It was clear she didn't believe me even when I had tears all over my face. Suddenly the phone started ringing and she picked it up looking at me suspiciously.

“Yes?... What!?... No no you’re joking right?... No please tell me it's a joke!” she said into the phone. Her voice started going wobbly and then she was crying. When she finished talking to the phone she looked at me her eyes angry mixed with sadness.

“This is all your fault!” she shouted at me. I only looked down and didn't say a single word.

“You killed him Becky! You killed him you’re a murder!” and that's how I became the murder. My whole world came crumbling down and that's also how I became heartless and couldn't feel any feels and also didn't care about everybody else's feelings.


I walk down the noisy school hallway wearing my favorite hoodie which was the color black. Mostly everything I wear is black which has become my favorite color now. Before I used to like the color blue and yellow but now I'm heartless I don't like any bright kind of colors.

“Murder, the girl who killed her father" I heard people whispering around me. I got to my locker and dumped some of my books in and started to get ready to go the lunch. I started walking through down the hallway again ignoring the whispers around me. As I was about to turn the corner I bang into someone hard and I suddenly feel dizzy and everything goes black.


“Dad come home now. Mum is gonna be here any minute” I said quickly as my heart got excited. It was full with excitement I thought it was going to explode.

“I will be there in a second hun” he said as he was driving. I knew he was driving because I heard the car and rain hitting the car.

“Okay dad” I said really excited but in the next moment when I was just about to hang up I heard screeching of car wheels and then I heard him scream, and then there was crashing banging sound and then silence.


I wake up with a start breathing heavily and sweating all over. I look around and I'm in the school sick bay. I try and breathe more calmly. I sigh and look down and I see goosebumps on my arms. My hoodie was taken off me and I was only left with my black t-shirt on and I think they might have seen my tattoo on my arm that was a heart broken into two. I pick up my hoodie and put it back on.

“So you have woken up already?” I hear a male voice and look up. There was a boy with dark black hair like mine and light green eyes. He was slim and wearing jeans and a light blue t-shirt. To be honest he was hot but I'm not interested I don't have any feelings what so ever for him.

“So you were the one who banged into me?” I scowled and glared at him.

“Yeah… about that, I'm sorry.” he said scratching behind his head awkwardly.

“You better watch out next time lazy asshole” I said and jumped off the bed and started walking towards the door.

“Hey no need to be so rude” he said stopping me in my tracks.

“Haha" I laughed because everyone here knows I'm rude and there is no way I will change it even if I had to. “That's the thing I'm always rude I can't change it and you're not the first to fail” I said staring at him and then opened the door and stepped outside into the hallway and started walking. I heard footsteps behind me and sighed and turned around.

“Just leave me the fuck alone” I said raising my voice.

“You seriously need to get your attitude right.” he said scowling. What is this guy's problem? He knows he can leave me alone but he choose not too. Has he not heard I'm a murder and that I kill people and that right now I might have a knife with me and stab him to death? He might know but chooses to talk to me anyway but right now I want to kill this annoying asshole.

“Well maybe if you left me alone then you wouldn't have to put up with my attitude huh? Did you ever think about that?” I questioned him and he stood quiet staring at me blankly.

“Thats right keep out of my way and I will keep out of yours. That's how it is runs around here understand?” I said looking at him frowning and don't wait for answer and start walking. I don't hear footsteps behind me and I sighed. That guy was so annoying maybe next time I should carry a knife around and then I kill those who annoy me and then I can be an actual murder. Sounds good. A little smirk appears on my mouth and I chuckle to myself. I enter the lunchroom and everyone goes quiet but I don't give a shit.

“Murder” people started whispering. I didn't care and went and took a seat far way in the corner and started eating lunch. A few seconds later I see the guy who banged into me. A lot of the girls stared at him like he was a God. I rolled my eyes and started laughing quietly while shaking my head. What is with girls these days. I lifted up my sandwich and took a bite. When I looked up again he was staring straight at me. I glared back and looked away. In the corner of my eyes I saw him walking towards me which pissed me off.

“What do you want asshole” I scowled. This guy is so annoying. What the hell does he want with me. Does he want me to punch him the face.

“First of all I'm not an asshole. I have a name-" he said but cut him off and said.

“I don't want to know your name or be your friend so go away” I said and took out my phone even though we are not allowed to use them in school hours but I don't give a fuck about the rules, I make my rules.

“What if I was to date you?” he said staring at me.


“What are you saying?” I said a little bit surprised “Fuck off” I said and opened up my phone. It took me ages to save up to buy this phone. My mother doesn't do anything for me anymore so I had decided I should get myself a part time job. I work at the mall in pak n save which I don't really like. I don't like anyone including annoying boys like this guy here.



“Why don't you know my name i'm normal like you. Your a normal human being whatever your name is” he said I only laughed at him. I am not normal and every. Single. People know that. Why can't he just get that?

“Just go away please.” I said and continued to look down at my phone. I didn't have anything  to do on the phone except listen to music. I touched the music button and put on one of my favorite music called ‘Chandelier’ by Sia. That's the only song out of all her songs I like. Some of things she says means things to me. I used to hear other people saying she had drug problems and she used this song to like express how she was feeling. The song makes me feel like i'm expressing my feelings but she is like the one who is doing it for me. I put my earphones on and closed my eyes listening to song. It felt peaceful but the song doesn't sound peaceful but to me it makes me feel peaceful. While I was listening to song ignoring this guy, I suddenly felt someone tap my shoulder and opened my eyes to see the

guys face close to mine. I jumped and then pushed him away.

“What's your problem!?” I asked angry. I took my earphones off and stood up. “I told you to leave me alone, didn't I?” I kinda shouted at him and stormed out. I really want to kill him now. I walk out of the lunch room and storm to my locker and grabbed some of my things and stomp off outside. I hear someone calling after me and it's the stupid guy but I keep going until i'm out of school. I start running because I could still hear him coming after me.

“Hey wait!” he kept yelling after me but I kept running faster untill I came to a bunch of hedges and started running through that little forest and kept running. Twigs from the trees kept cutting me on my cheek but I kept running. I ran until I came into a little clearing with a big tree that had a big hole in the trunk. I saw that and quickly went in and sat down. There was a lot of space that could fit like two people. I sat in and hugged myself. I could hear the assholes voice getting near and but then I heard him stop and then there was mumbling and then I heard nothing. I sighed to myself and looked around me. The place was a little bit like a closet but no doors. I thought to myself this could be like my secret place and I could do anything I wanted it would be so cool. I took my bag off my back and put it down in front of me. It has not been the first time I had ditched school and went somewhere else. Sometimes I would come back home late in the night because I didn't like seeing my mum or Tammy. I usually go around places doing things or go to work and sometimes just ditch school and go somewhere. I take out my phone and put Chandelier again and lean my back against the inside of the tree trunk and close my eyes.  


Crash, bang and silence.

“No Dad please say something”

I see a ghost of my father coming toward me and getting closer reaching out his hands to touch my cheeks.

I wake up screaming and sweating everywhere. I'm always having dreams about my father which makes me wake up every single night. I see my father coming towards me in a creepy way or things whispering “murder” all around me. I always wake up screaming or just sweating enormously or just waking up with a start in the middle of the night. I see that it has already gone dark outside. It was really warm in the tree trunk and I didn't want to leave but I had to because I had to go school where it was horrible. I still had my earphones plugged into my ears I took them out and looked at the time it 12AM. I slept for a very long time because yesterday I went home and 3AM since I had work and also went to spend the money I got other things so that I wouldn't have to go home early. I rubbed my eyes and got up. I crawled out of the trunk and started walking home. I walked in silence the darkness making me feel a bit better. It means all the murder whispering and she killed father saying wuld all go, but the next day it would just be the same but I would wait until its dark.


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