You'll Understand

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
Just a little something I wrote, even though I don't often write.

Submitted: January 05, 2017

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Submitted: January 05, 2017

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A boy, so determined so gentle yet so angry came upon me, not giving it a second glance. When he spoke, I became so intrigued. So aware of his presence around me. He spoke to me about how my speaking is non-existent, but I stood there and laughed at the fact he didn't know... He knows now, two years later. The habits, he so carefully observed. The way I talk, the way I breathe, how I laugh and how I love. How was I supposed to know, that he would become something so important, that he would make me feel flames burn inside of me, make me feel butterflies that so eagerly wanted to explode, that he would have the power to let me spill oceans yet also barricade their way out onto my skin.

He broke my heart, not once but twice. One and a half years in, something that haunted me everyday had become a reality. He was leaving, no matter how hard I tried, I didn't want to accept it. He made the decision to break it off for the sake of both of us, for him to chase his dream. I had never lived in a world where I couldn't talk to him, couldn't see him, couldn't kiss him since the day we first talked and I hated the idea more than anything. I was a pure mess for weeks, crying and sleeping more than ever, with his birthday party I had been invited and uninvited to several times coming up. I wanted to see him, but I never knew the pain I had coming for me. I was destroyed, ignored and drunk. I got smashed and absolutely lost my shit. I was puking for hours without end and the day after, I spent crying in my room for hours, when it had really hit me that I had lost him. I was mistaken, for he realised the pain he was in.

 I saw and see good within his eyes, I see purity and desperation for something better, something spectacular. I couldn't have fallen in love with him more. Now, when he's gone half way across the world is when I need him most, he is the only person who could ever love me as much as he loves me. He always see the good in me, he loves me for the person I am, not that I deserve it. I'm the jealous type, and as much as I hate to say it I care TOO much and I am no good with words either, whereas he is kind, selfless, very sexy, loyal, brave, intelligent, a charmer, hilarious, ambitious, caring and has a way with words which leave me speechless. The cheesy and romantic bullshit that everyone comments on is not what I'm taking about. I am talking about something incredible, a relationship which I want forever. Which I know could last forever.

I want to wake up, next to him to sleep next to him and hold him whenever I want. To help him, to be his shoulder to cry on. I want to experience what the world has to offer with him, and to save ourselves from the dull and grow together. I want to continue to learn every little detail about him and to appreciate him everyday for being able to spend my whole life with him. I want to fall in love with him over and over again until the day I die.
Kids, two kids...a girl and a boy, I want to know that one day I could have a little him and me running around, that we can both love and teach everything to. Traveling, to travel around the whole world and be goofy and adventurous together, to learn together and to be next to each other exploring the beauty of every little thing.

I am young, but I do not care. I have never ever experienced such a feeling like this before and I am in love with the feeling of being in love. For now he is gone, but I have hope that we will make it. I hold onto every piece I have of him, of the beautiful letter he wrote me, of the beautiful necklace he bought for me, as well as the plastic ring he got with his arcade tickets, the two teddy bears I love dearly, all the photos, two of his most comfortable jumpers and a cap he got me. I am infinitely and always surrounded by his presence and God, I would do anything in order to keep him safe. He deserves the whole world.

The reason I wrote this, is that this morning I awoke and rolled over and unlocked my phone to 39 missed calls, 35 text messages, 2 Snap chats, 3 Facebook messages from him telling me he was outside my house for 2 hours, throwing pebbles at my room like you hear about in the movies and that brought me to tears, as that would have been the last opportunity to see him for months and you may not think that's a lot, but become inseparable from someone you love and you'll understand.


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