Chatteau

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
A novel way to start a diet!!!

Submitted: January 06, 2017

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Submitted: January 06, 2017

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Chatteau

 

It had become a yearly ritual ever since Jane had left home five years ago. She would meet up with her mother right at the start of January and together they would scour the Sales, looking for bargains. Once they had finished shopping they would treat themselves to tea and cakes at the poshest, most expensive restaurant in town. After all, it was only once a year.

 

Outside it was cold and damp but inside the busy restaurant it was warm, almost hot. Both Jane and her mother slipped out of their heavy coats and placed their orders. Jane would have preferred to order coffee but let her mother choose her favoured pot of tea.

 

And we’ll have two slices of the most luxuriantly decadent gateau that you have, please.”

 

Jane was not consulted but she smiled in agreement. The after-Christmas dieting could wait until the following week. For now she would just enjoy it while she could, guilt-free.

 

Jane watched as her mother spooned two teaspoons of sugar in to her cup of tea, but shook her head when the sugar-bowl was offered to her. Over the last year she had come to dislike sweetened tea intensely, although she would always add a teaspoon of sugar to her coffee.

 

The waitress approached their table carrying two plates. On each was an extremely large serving of Black Forest Gateau, a napkin folded into a neat triangle and a cake fork. She placed a plate in front of each of the two women then hurried off to serve the next table.

 

If only she did not love those cakes so much, Jane thought to herself. She’d be buying size 10’s, she’d be slim and beautiful. But the allure of the sweet softness of cakes was just so irresistible. Too irresistible! And she had to admit that even if she slimmed right down, she would not be beautiful. Far better to just give in to her impulsive desire for sweetness.

 

Jane looked down at the gateau on her plate. Three tiers of dark moist chocolate cake, separated and topped off with thick lashings of cream and the dark purple cherries that always seemed to come with Black Forest cake and nothing else. And right on the top and the outer edge, thick flakes of chocolate stood out darkly against the whiteness of the cream.

 

Jane could almost feel her mouth watering as she reached towards the cake fork, picked it up and moved it across for that first taste.

 

Stop!”

 

Jane stopped, her fork held above the plate. She was sure that voice had come from nearby but it must just have been other customers passing by. There was nobody near them now though. Jane raised her fork again.

 

No, stop! You don’t want to eat me.”

 

Jane looked down at the slice of cake on her plate. She was almost sure that she had seen two of the layers separating and coming together, like a mouth opening and closing in speech. She shook her head, glanced towards her mother who was almost half way through her serving before Jane had even taken a mouthful, and decided she needed to get a hold of her imagination.

 

Jane picked up her fork and quickly moved it down towards the cake, only just managing to veer it away in time when that voice came again.

 

Think of all the sugar! You know that’s bad for you.”

 

Mum, sorry! Did you say something?” Jane was hoping for an explanation. Perhaps her mother had taken up ventriloquism as a hobby and this was her way of telling her daughter all about it.

 

No, dear! Eat first and chat later, that’s always been my motto.”

 

No explanation there then. It was nowhere near her birthday so it couldn’t be a surprise planned by colleagues or friends. Yet again, Jane picked up her fork. She gripped it firmly in her hand ready to plunge into the moist sponge......

 

Cholesterol! What about that, then! Eat me and it will rocket up to totally dangerous levels!”

 

Jane couldn’t understand what the hell was going on. Her mother had almost finished her portion and gave no indication that she had heard a voice pleading for mercy. It just did not make sense, unless.....

 

Jane lifted up her teacup towards her nose and took a big sniff. The contents smelt just like.....tea! There was no lingering scent of alcohol, no strange scents that could point to something having been added. Of course it could be something with no detectable smell but her mother had been drinking tea from the same pot.

 

Jane had to ask herself – was she going insane? Becoming paranoid? Imagining talking cakes? It was ridiculous, ludicrous. She was almost thirty years old!!

 

She picked up the fork, brandished it like a weapon, was about to take her first bite of the cake she now most definitely did not want. The fork was making its way steadily down to towards the cake when she dropped it in shock.

 

No, no, no!” That voice screamed out again. “Think of all those hundreds of empty calories! Don’t eat me. Please!”

 

I wish you’d told me that you didn’t want any, Jane. But waste not, want not, as they say.”

With that her mother reached across for the plate of still untouched gateau in front of Jane and forked up a large mouthful.

 

Jane fainted, falling face-first onto the table. When she came round it was to see a sea of anxious faces, all looking quizzically towards her.

 

Are you alright now, dear? It’s all this dieting. No good for anyone. I nice hefty bit of sugar will see you right. I’ll order another slice of cake!”

 

 

 

 


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