The Great Goblin Migration

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
Pointless activity going on for decades, and has nothing to do with politics? Then goblins have to be involved.

Submitted: January 07, 2017

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Submitted: January 07, 2017

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Most goblins live lives of chaos, mayhem and needless property damage, and they like it that way.  But every so often goblins will break the mold and go on to do something new.  It will undoubtedly be stupid, sometimes risky and in rare instances brave, proof that goblins can rise to the occasion when the situation demands it.  More often it’s just proof goblins do silly things.

The Great Goblin Migration

The Great Goblin Migration was started eighty years ago by an average goblin named Teetops, who wasn’t strong, fast or brave, and definitely not smart.  He saw geese flying south for the winter and wondered where they were going.  Was their destination better than where he was?  It almost had to be since he lived in a garbage dump.  Intrigued by this question, Teetops headed south after the geese, who were blissfully unaware of the chaos they’d caused.

Teetops had gone only a few steps when other goblins asked him where he was going.  He explained his goal only to have a dozen goblins join in the quest.  This isn’t unusual as goblins are forever doing stupid things without good reason.  Together they abandoned their homes and went south, picking up more goblins with each mile they traveled.  This went on for a week with the number of goblins rising the farther they went.  What started as an individual doing something foolish grew to a gang, then a mob and finally a horde of goblins seeking the elusive homeland of the geese.

Coincidentally, their goal only lasted one week.  They saw a knight on horseback ride across their path, shouting for them to make way.  The man looked terrified and his horse was lathered in sweat.  Curious, the goblins wondered what was so important to the knight.  They changed course and followed the knight.  This lasted for eight days until the goblins stopped to admire a beautiful sunset and forgot where they’d been going.  They then set out on a new quest to find out where dirt came from.

The Great Goblin Migration has been going on in this fashion for decades, its destination and reason for being changing at least three times a month.  Over the years they have tried to reach a distant mountain range that was really a cloudbank, fled for higher ground during a flood, marched in support of a king (who didn’t want them), escorted a merchant caravan through a perfectly safe forest and done many other idiot things.  Goblins involved in the migration are certain they are headed somewhere important and must keep walking.  The problem is they have yet to reach any of their many goals.

Few people see the migration and fewer still care, but those who do have noticed rules it seems to operate by.  The goblins avoid cities and towns whenever possible.  They will travel through small villages only at night.  The migration avoids dangerous places like dragon lairs, although it may spend days circling them.  Lastly, the goblins seem drawn to forgotten places, and have accidentally discovered many ancient ruins and abandoned castles.

Membership in The Great Goblin Migration changes monthly.  Teetops, the idiot who started the whole thing, lost interest in it after just fifty days and wandered off.  The migration continued on without him, as he’d never really been the leader anyway.  Goblins get distracted and wander away from the others constantly.  Others decide to settle down in the lands they travel across.  These losses are replaced as more goblins join the migration to see where it’s going.  At times the migration has dropped to as few as eleven goblins or swelled to over a thousand, with three hundred being the average size.

Oddly enough, the migration attracts more beings than just goblins.  Travel through the wilderness can be dangerous for small groups, which tempts many to find company for their journey.  Human refugees, elven outcasts, renegade dwarfs fired from their companies, adolescent trolls looking for adventure and the odd ogre has joined the migration at times.  These non goblin additions stay only so long as the migration is going in the same direction as they are, leaving when the goblins forget where they’re going and head off elsewhere.

The most famous addition and the longest lasting was the nymph Delecena.  She was fleeing a suitor who didn’t understand the difference between romance and kidnapping, and spent nine months wandering with the goblins before settling down in an abandoned farmhouse.  Fifty goblins stayed with her, partly because it was a very beautiful place and partly because they felt the need to protect her.  Months later they beat her suitor senseless and sent him to a maximum security prison by mail.

The Great Goblin Migration earned a degree of notoriety ten years ago when they stumbled upon an army of rebelling human soldiers.  The soldiers served a younger brother of their king and were attempting a coup.  They’d made camp in a wilderness and were fast asleep when the goblins stumbled across them.  Not breaking step, the goblins snuck through the rebel camp and picked up every weapon they saw, and then dumped the swords, bows, daggers and axes in the nearest lake.  It was later referred to as the Bloodless Coup, as the now unarmed rebels couldn’t draw a drop of blood and were soon arrested.

And so it goes to this day, The Great Goblin Migration wandering across countless kingdoms and nations.  It shows no sign of slowing down and no one seems interested in stopping it.  The goblins insist they’re making progress on the journey, with longer serving members swearing that they’re almost there.


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