I Wish I Could Snow everything

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
Dillon only wanted Mike in her life. Nothing else really. And one day something happens that she'll never forget.

Submitted: January 08, 2017

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Submitted: January 08, 2017

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1/1/16
Dear Diary,
This is my first diary entry ever. My name is Dillon Susie McAllister, I am 16 years old and live in Chicago. I am going to write in here monthly and explain what has happened over the past 31 days of my life. Getting to the deep things, I have a crush on my best friend, Mike, he has brown eyes, and brown hair. I have known him for 10 years now and I have been in love with him for 8 years. I have never liked anyone else except him. He’s so courageous and cute. I wish I could work up the courage to tell him how I feel but I can’t. No matter how hard I try I can’t tell him. I hang out with him alone all the time and can’t just blurt it out. I don’t think I will ever do it but anyway see you next month.
Sincerely,
Dillon
2/1/16
Dear Diary,
This is my second diary entry and not much has happened in the past 31 days. Except yesterday Mike and I were hanging out and we came to the topic of who we liked and I told him I had no clue, I had never really thought about it. That was my chance and I blew it. When I asked him he told me he has liked someone for a long time but never had the courage to tell them. What if it’s me, what if. If it was about me I would be so happy. After waiting all these years what I’ve been waiting for would finally be mine. Anyway, see you in March, hopefully things are better and I know more that could make me feel better.
Sincerely,
Dillon
3/2/16
Dear Diary,
Sorry I am a day late this month I forgot to write in here. So much has happened, this month has been one of the worst in my life. Mike got a girlfriend. He name is Emily, I think she looks like a donkey but I guess she appeals to Mike. She asked him out, which makes me feel a little better. What if the whole time it was her that he liked and not me. I felt sick to my stomach when I heard the news, ever since they started dating Mike has been different, he has been  more caring about how he looks and it’s like he tries to be cool. I’m afraid something is going to happen soon, a bad change, hopefully I’m wrong.
Sincerely,
Dillon
5/3/16
Dear Diary,
I’m sorry I missed April I totally forgot so I just pushed it off till now. Way too many bad things have happened. I was sitting there April 14th, I get a call at 3 am, Mike is drunk at a party, I didn’t know what to do so I stole my parents care and picked him up and drove him home. I only had my learner's permit and I didn’t want to ask my parents for help because I knew they wouldn’t let me see him again. When he got in the car he told me thank you and kissed my shoulder. I could tell he was drunk because it was some weird behavior and the next day he apologized because he felt bad and he bought me flowers and told me he wouldn’t know what he would do without me. Those words filled my heart, even though he was still dating Emily. See you next month diary.
Sincerely,
Dillon
6/1/16
Dear Diary,
I’m so sad. Today is Emily and Mike’s 3 month anniversary. I was so sad this whole day. The worst part of this month is Mike asked me to help him find her a gift and plan a date. I had to or he would know something is up. I almost said no why would I help you if I’m in love with you. I couldn’t do it. I missed my chance again to speak up for what I feel. Hopefully they are broken up by next month see you then diary.
Sincerely,
Dillon 
7/4/16
Dear Diary,
Today is July 4th and the past month hasn’t been the same old. I haven’t gotten enough courage to tell him and he is still dating that thing. He is coming over today and he asked if he could bring Emily and I said if he wants so hopefully I can do something to break them up. Tell ya about it next month.
Sincerely,
Dillon
8/1/16
Dear Diary,
I haven’t really seen Mike the last month but I did it, I broke them up basically. On July 4th I tripped and spilled coke all over her, it was an accident, and she screamed at me and Mike told her to calm down it wasn’t a big deal, and the broke up and Mike was telling me he was sorry and it was amazing. I want the chance to do it again, I need the chance and maybe I can do it, for years I have watched him go through suffering and such I wish I could tell him. See ya soon.
Sincerely,
Dillon
11/4/16
Dear Diary,
I can’t believe I missed so many months. These past months stunk. He started dating Jen, this random girl I never knew existed until he started dating her. The topic came up again between the two of us about who I liked and I said I didn’t know and he told me he wanted to set me up so I let him just so he wouldn’t think anything is up and that I wasn’t lying. He set me up with his friend and it was a terrible date, I left early this kid was so annoying. He was like I’ve been in love with you forever I was like ok. But nothing else really happened we hung out and every time I wanted to blurt it out but I couldn’t.
Sincerely,
Dillon

1/1/17
Dear Diary,
As I write this I cry, something that has made me break. The past month was terrible. I sat down with myself and finally decided I would tell him, I’m wasting my life, it was November 30th, I go to his door of his house and ring the bell, his parents answer and tell me they need to tell me something, usually Mike comes straight to the door. They tell me to sit down and told me something that I will never forget the words they said last night Mike was getting driven home from a party, and she was drunk and they crashed and both died. I am still crying right now. I cried in their house and they comforted me and I asked if i could sit in his room one last time and they told me I could. I walk in his room and cry to myself, he was my best friend and someone I loved. Suddenly I look at his desk and there was a book labeled journal I begin reading through it. I couldn’t believe his eyes he talked about everything he has been through. And the saddest thing I still can’t believe it to this day, he was in love with me the whole time I was in love with him, he has loved me longer than I loved him, he loved me for 9 years, and he said too he never got the courage to tell me anything. In his book his exact words were “If she ever told me she loved me, I would drop whoever I was with and tell her I loved her on the spot”. If I ever had the courage to tell him I loved him he would still be alive today. On the final page. My heart shattered to a million pieces. The words he wrote, I broke. “Tonight I am breaking up with Jen, tomorrow I am going to tell Dillon tomorrow that I have loved her forever.” My dreams are crushed. It’s my fault he died. If I wasn’t such a coward and afraid he would be alive. His life ended because of me. I killed someone. I can’t live like this anymore. I watched Mike for years and years and I never gave myself a chance I can’t believe it I might kill myself. At his funeral I feel hot tear go down my face and as I look at him for the last time and I remember all the things that had happened, as it snows I remember when I began to like him, it is a day like today it is all snowy outside and we were playing and he threw snowball at me and he told me even though I was just hit with a snowball that the snow made me look prettier than I ever looked, and from then on I knew I liked him.


2/2/27
Dear Diary,
It has been 10 years since I last wrote in this. It is snowing outside. My life has changed, I am about to be married in October. I have grown as a person and my courage has grown. I never can forget one question I have always asked, what would my life be if Mike was still here, how would I be as a person? As I look through this book I sit outside in the snow and as I watch each snowflake hit the ground I realize everything that I had experienced and all the things I knew I would never wish in my life that I hadn’t.


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