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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
Four actors score the roles of their lifetimes, but what happens when too begins to be asked of them?

Submitted: January 13, 2017

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Submitted: January 13, 2017

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CHARACTERS

EXECUTIVES:

 

EXECUTIVE 1

EXECUTIVE 2

EXECUTIVE 3

 

ACTORS:

 

Dressed as the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

 

ACTOR 1: In Michelangelo Costume

ACTOR 2: In Leonardo Costume

ACTOR 3: In Raphael Costume

ACTOR 4: In Donatello Costume


 

SETTING

 

A long table in the center of a boardroom.

 

TIME

 

The mid-nineties.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[The EXECUTIVES are sitting at one end of the table, facing the ACTORS, with a stern and determined, yet unreadable expression on their faces.]

 

 [The ACTORS are sitting at the other end of the table. They are nauseous with intimidation, but are trying their best to hide any nerves from the EXECUTIVES. They were caught off-guard from being called into a meeting with the EXECUTIVES]

 

EXECUTIVE 1: Alright, hello.

 

EXECUTIVE 3: Just give us a second please.

 

[Beat]

 

EXECUTIVE 2: So, you guys must be thrilled.

 

ACTOR 1: How come?

 

EXECUTIVE 2: [Slightly annoyed expression] Well, you were all very fortunate to get these parts, considering your, well, lack of experience.

 

ACTOR 4: What do you mean?

 

EXECUTIVE 3: [Interrupting] Okay, let’s get started. So, your performances for the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Rap have met all of Nickelodeon's expectations, and let me tell you, we thought we were gonna have to negotiate. So thank you.

 

[ACTORS nod, in different speeds from one another]

 

EXECUTIVE 1: But, we’ve decided to make some changes on our end.

 

EXECUTIVE 2: You see, there are so many cartoon characters coming out with rap songs nowadays. It’s too hard to keep up. We have to stand out somehow.

 

EXECUTIVE 3: We decided we need to keep up with the trendiness of hip-hop music, you know. Nickelodeon may be fine with yet another cartoon rap song, but we want to get our money’s worth.

 

EXECUTIVE 2: I’m sure that you four will absolutely carry forth the vision we have for the Turtles. You know, how long have you all been pursuing acting?

 

ACTOR 3: Well, we all moved here together  in 1988, so… about 3 years.

 

EXECUTIVE 1: This must be a pretty big break for all of you.

 

ACTOR 2: Yeah, you know, it’s been hard. Lots of being taken advantage of, lots of risky deals.

 

EXECUTIVE 3: Well, I’m afraid that that never stops. But the good news is that you eventually get rewarded for your risks, which fits nicely into our decision.

 

EXECUTIVE 1: Alright then, enough stalling. Our decision, while it may seem out of left field, will absolutely benefit us in the long run.

 

EXECUTIVE 2: So, listen up.

 

EXECUTIVE 3: We’ve, uh, decided, to…

 

[EXECUTIVES suddenly go stiff]

 

EXECUTIVE 3: Have the turtles say the, uh…N… word.

 

[BEAT]

 

ACTOR 2: [Mortified, but trying to hide it] Like… how?

 

EXECUTIVE 2: So if you’ll all turn your scripts to page 3, you’ll need to write down a few changes. Which one of you is Michelangelo?

 

ACTOR 1: Um, I am.

 

EXECUTIVE 2: Okay, so we changed your verse around a little bit. Write this down. It goes:

Michaelangelo’s the name, I’m a pizza fiend.

The most party loving…

[Leans in]

...and then the N-Word…

[Leans out]

...that you’ve ever seen.

 

ACTOR 1: I…uh...okay.

 

EXECUTIVE 3: You know, you’ll probably get the changed scripts at the shoot tomorrow. Don’t worry, I’m sure you all will get to say it.

 

ACTOR 3: Umm, I don’t think I feel comfortable doing this.

 

EXECUTIVE 1: [Earnestly] Why not?

 

ACTOR 3: Well, you know, I think that doing something like that, especially living in a place that has so much so do with hip-hop music, I feel like it kind of ruins the integrity of the whole thing, you know?

 

EXECUTIVE 2: You have got to be kidding me. I expect college interns to say that kind of stuff. I don’t know what you think we do here, but we capitalize on trends and we turn profits. We don’t discriminate against anything.

 

ACTOR 3: Yeah, but… I just really don’t feel like we should be doing this.

 

EXECUTIVE 2: Well, we do feel like it, and quite frankly, you’re all just carrying out our work.

 

ACTOR 2: Well you know what? You can’t do this without us.

 

EXECUTIVE 3: Are you kidding? Do you know how many fresh-faced, wide eyed, inexperienced actors there are that are willing to play the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? You know how many of those “inexperienced” actors have way more experience than any of you? You should be worshipping us for the break we’ve given you!

 

EXECUTIVE 1: This is something that will change the face of corporate music culture as we know it. We can’t just let you leave and expose our secrets to the world free of charge.

 

ACTOR 4: [Intimidated] What’s that supposed to mean?

EXECUTIVE 1: Let’s just put it this way: We have a lot of contacts. We can get word around very quickly about anyone–and it doesn’t matter how well-known they are–that has a demeanor that just doesn’t fit the entertainment industry. Do you know how easy we could do that to a group of nobodies like all of you?

 

[Beat]

 

EXECUTIVE 2: Don’t you all want the chance to be important? This can be a beginning for all of you! Do you have any idea what experience as the Ninja Turtles can get you? More than guys can get that have been here twice as long as you!

 

EXECUTIVE 3: [Stands up] WE ARE DOING YOU ALL A HUGE FAVOUR RIGHT NOW. TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT.

 

EXECUTIVE 1: [Stands up] SAY THE N WORD.

 

EXECUTIVE 2 + EXECUTIVE 3: [Stand up] SAY IT!

 

ACTOR 1: [Stands up] NO!

 

[ACTORS 2,3,4 all turn to look at ACTOR 1]

 

[EXECUTIVES sit down]

 

ACTOR 1: [Holding back tears] I won’t do it.

 

[EXECUTIVES give ACTOR 1 death stare for a beat]

 

[EXECUTIVES huddle and whisper amongst themselves while ACTORS 2,3,4 stare solemnly into space, for a beat]

 

EXECUTIVE 3: [Turns to face the ACTORS] ANYONE ELSE?

 

ACTOR 3: I… think I’m gonna leave.

 

EXECUTIVE 3: Go. Bye. Both of you.

 

[ACTOR 1 and ACTOR 3 shuffle somberly offstage]

 

EXECUTIVE 2: Well, good to see that the two of you are still here. Good for you, at least. As for us, looks like we have to cast some new folks. I know the four of you auditioned together, but in this business, you have to learn to make new friends and lose old ones.

 

EXECUTIVE 1: What’s with kids these days? They need to learn to take advantage of their situation. They have too much compassion. Too much “integrity”.

 

EXECUTIVE 2: None of you will let any of this “cultural sensitivity” get to your heads, right?

 

ACTOR 4: I… guess not?

 

EXECUTIVE 3: [Rant] Good. Who are people like that to us, anyway? Always trying to represent those with less representation or whatever, when those are the people constantly disrespecting us. I mean think about it for a second, how ridiculous is that? If they really wanted more representation, wouldn’t the obvious thing to do be to unconditionally respect the ones higher up than them? So why should we feel bad about taking what’s theirs? They aren’t doing THEIR part to keep it.

 

ACTOR 2: I can’t do this. [Quickly walks offstage]

 

[EXECUTIVE 3 is silent, but visibly holding back rage]

 

[Beat]

 

EXECUTIVE 1: So I guess it’s just you now, huh? Which turtle are you again?

 

ACTOR 4: Uhhh… Donatello.

 

EXECUTIVE 1: [In disgust] Get out of here.

 

[ACTOR 4 shuffles offstage]

 


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