Into My Mind

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
The thoughts of a depressed 9 year old Stica Williams in 1942.

Submitted: January 18, 2017

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Submitted: January 18, 2017

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Into My Mind
By Chase Manuel
 
Chapter I
The Voices That Don't Stop
I always hear them. They'll always be there. He says he won't stop, so I am quiet. In the back of my mind he sings. He sings those poems, rymes, chants. He tells me what to do. His friends will join him too. They are the company you don't want. The ones that dare you to jump off the bridge, they promise there is water beneath. Whether there is or not, you will fall.
 
I can hear my mother screaming. Always. She is not happy. She has never been happy. I was told I am the reason. By him. She never wanted a girl, a mini-her. She should've had a boy. But he could've turned out like my father. That would be worse. He left anyways, so I won't have to worry. I hope I will never see him.
 
Is it normal; to cry? Can you cry to much? I feel like I do. When he and his friends scream to loud inside my mind. I cry. Sometimes for hours. It does help me fall asleep though. I get tired, to tired to focus on the voices. I wish I could always fall asleep. That would literally be a dream. I haven't slept in 4 days. They always keep me up. 
 

I wonder, what do they say to other people. My mind tells me to cut my hands. It hurts at first, then it goes numb. It makes them go away for a while. But they always come back. They are the voices that don't stop.

 
Chapter 2
Time Hates Me
As I become older, I've noticed how it is so that time hates me. The days go quick, but I can't savour the flavor of childhood. I'm 9, I wish that I could feel like a kid again, but they've already picked off kids for army in school and are making us grow up. I should be a kid, why am I not?
 
The days go fast alot, but why can't they go quicker. Sometimes  like that they go fast, sometimes  don't, but if they went faster I wouldn't have to suffer as much from the pain of loosing my childhood. And the voices. They aggrivate me sometimes so much I bang my head against walls to try and get rid of them but they will always be in my mind.
 
Time is one of those weird words isn't it. If you say it to much it loses meaning. I wish that it would actually stop and was never a thing in the first place. Although I do say first place, which without time, there wouldn't be one and we would be stuck in a neverending paradox. I can't think tht deep though; they won't let me.
 
Why is today called today? It seems like it might be referencing to date. That might make sense I guess. I wonder how people named things when language was first developed? How were those words even invented that came out of thier mouths? How did we evolve to even do that? Language is repetitave though so maybe someone just copied a sound someone else made and pointed at a different thing than the first person, "naming" it that.


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