The Start of Change

The Start of Change

Status: In Progress

Genre: Romance

Houses:

Details

Status: In Progress

Genre: Romance

Houses:

Tags

Summary

Emily is just a normal girl who has never even had the slightest desire to date. Until she meets Gravin. At the first meeting, she begins to think of him, his smooth gravely voice sticking in her mind. As they both grow older Emily begins to recognized her feelings for him but, they are not returned. This is a story about growing up and finding yourself. You will follow Emily through her many feelings, her life, and you get to watch her change as a person.
Share :
Twitter

Tags

Summary

Emily is just a normal girl who has never even had the slightest desire to date. Until she meets Gravin. At the first meeting, she begins to think of him, his smooth gravely voice sticking in her mind. As they both grow older Emily begins to recognized her feelings for him but, they are not returned. This is a story about growing up and finding yourself. You will follow Emily through her many feelings, her life, and you get to watch her change as a person.

Prolog (v.1) - Prologue

Author Chapter Note

Just in case anyone is confused, this is stuff that all happened before the book actually starts. And the italics parts are parts that happened in the past. There like flashbacks.

Chapter Content - ver.1

Submitted: January 27, 2017

Reads: 31

A A A | A A A

Chapter Content - ver.1

Submitted: January 27, 2017

A A A

A A A

 

 

 

Prologue

I fell in love with the “idea” of...love. Even as a small child everyday I would scan the halls looking from guy to guy searching.....waiting.....for something. Maybe a feeling I guess. But I never found it. And everyday it made me a little more sad, a little more empty. But, it was never my fault. It’s not anybody’s fault. Because in a way, we’re all searching for love. Even if we don’t know it yet. Even if we refuse it, like a virus, it always finds us. I never thought love was for me. I always thought it was for people who were prettier, smarter, funnier. But, in the end, love ended up changing me. And so did hate but, if you ask me, they're both different sides of the same coin.

“Hey you got a text honey,” my dad said handing me the phone. He closed my door as quietly as he could. Once I heard his footsteps on the stairs I began to relax. My dad and I had always been close, but when he knew I needed space that's exactly what he gave me.

I looked down at the phone wondering who it was. Most of the people who I talk to were there so, why would they text me now?

I smiled as I read the name at the top. Gravin. We had only been dating for 3 months but he made me feel alive, like we'd been together forever. Since the day he asked me out, I´d been sure God put us together for a reason. I giggled still remembering the first day we met.

Stacy and I had been at roller skating (our newest addiction). We had been rounding the corner talking about our volleyball tournament in 2 days when out of nowhere I felt something hard run into my shoulder knocking me back. I fell backward, and stuck out my arms trying to catch myself but, my roller skates began to slide out from under me, pushing me back farther. I opened my eyes and felt a strong hand grab my bicep pulling me up carefully. When I collected myself I looked up seeing chocolate brown eyes that made me shiver. As I stared longer I saw wonderful freckles framing his eyes, and beautiful red hair curled perfectly. I stared and stared, blushing once I realized I was ogling him.

“I-I-I'm so sorry,” I stammered. The more I looked at how handsome he was, the more flustered I became. I brushed off trying to compose myself. As I looked up at his face I saw that he was smirking, obviously amused.

Great, a smart alec.

“No I should be the one to apologize. I am the one that ran into you,” he stated looking me up and down. His eyes traveled from my blushing face to my roller skates, stopping slightly at my “kiss my ace” volleyball t-shirt, then  continuing back to my face.

“Hey are you ok too?” I looked over just now seeing his friend talking to Stacy. He was tall, blonde, had blue eyes, and a strong jawline. Just Stacy’s type. And by the way she was twirling her hair and biting her lip I could tell that she was thinking the same thing.

“We're fine. I promise,” I said watching as other skaters dodged around us. “Sorry I'm Emily, and that girl over there already imagining her and your friend's wedding is Stacy,” I said turning to the red haired boy. He started to chuckle, his laugh lines beginning to pop out, making me blush.

“It’s ok, he needs a girlfriend anyway. He’s been lonely lately,” he whispered to me. As we laughed together I could still feel the warmth on my ear.

“Oh, by the way i'm Gravin. And my friend over there is Travis.

“Gravin, that’s a unique name,” I told him looking him up and down. He was tall and thin but, as he moved I could see the muscles ripple beneath his skin. Lost in my own thought I imagined what it would feel like having those arms wrap around me in a warm embrace. What it would feel like having those soft, firm hands grab mine linking our fingers in a coaxing hold. How it would feel to put my hands on those strong shoulders, to feel his hands warming my waist from his touch as he leaned in, his face inches from mine, to kis-

“What?” I asked getting embarrassed. When I looked at his face he was smirking again. Staring at him I wondered what he could be thinking. “He probably thinks your an idiot,” I thought to myself. It had only been five months since Eric and I broke up, and I hadn’t even been able to look at a guy without thinking of him. “So why does this guy make me only aware of him. In the 5 minutes I’d been talking to Gravin, looking at his fair skin and thin frame that now reminded me so much of Eric, I hadn’t once thought of my ex. What is it about this guy that makes me forget everyone except me and him. That makes my palms sweaty just at the sound of his gravelly, smooth voice?” I asked myself.

“I said that Travis and I have to go, but I hope I see you around sometime,” Gravin smiled. His smile was so sweet and genuine it made my heart melt. When Gravin rolled away I saw Travis give Stacy a flirty smile before following Gravin out the door. As I turned to look for Stacy I felt a rush of air and an always recognizable smell of tropical scented lotion that Stacy insisted on using.

“So how was your conversation with hotty just now? I didn’t know you’re into gingers!”

“ One, our conversation wasn’t all that exciting,” I muttered trying to hide my smile. If Stacy found out just how much I liked him, she would freak. She would say how she could totally hook us up and how this must be fate, to find a guy I liked so much just after Eric and me. Ever since I’d known her she’d always been the positive, cocky one. “And two, I didn’t realize it either. I mean, I do think their freckles are sexy,” I joked waggling my eyebrows at Stacy. As she giggled, snorted, then giggled some more, I continued. “But, I-I don’t know...he’s just...different from other guys.”

“Well... I don’t know about that but, are you going to fill me in on your conversation.”

“Later, I promise,” I assured her. As one of her best friends I knew just how much Stacy loved gossip. And trust me, it’s a lot.

“ Hey, you know some of the guys know him. I could totally ask them if next time we hang out if they could bring him. You know....... So you guys can talk some more,” Stacy stated nudging my shoulder. Goodness. Some times she was too much even for me.

“Sure, why not,” I replied. But my mind had already wandered to his sweet smell of ginger mixed with soap. It was going to be a great summer. And it was already off to a great start.

“Emily!” My dad called signifying dinner.

¨Coming!¨ I shouted back. I shut my tv off soaking in the gentle hum of the air conditioner. I stood up walking across the cool hardwood floor trying not to step on anything. These days with everything going on, it was hard to keep my room clean. Up until middle school I had always had time after school to clean my room but now, with practicing orchestra, doing homework, and hanging out with Gravin and my friends, I never seemed to have enough time. Sometimes at night, when the only noise was my own breathing, it would feel like my whole life I´ve been in this room with no windows or doors and every day, every second, every breath, the walls get closer. And one day I would either find a trap door, freeing me from all the expectations and borrowed time, then, I would succeed, or I would fail and all my dreams, with me, would disappear between the walls.

¨Ouch!¨ A searing pain lit up my foot like a firecracker. I lifted my foot to make sure there wasn't blood. I could see the small indent and the lead marks the pencil had left. My frustration is a puddle, I simply step out. I reminded myself remembering the technique my therapist had once told me.

¨Remember Emily.¨ She smiled her pearly white teeth, oblivious to the fact that she had in fact, smiled 42 times already in the past two minutes. Trust me, I counted.

¨ Throughout your life you are going to have many strong emotions. And lots of them will be negative. But, when you have these negative emotions you have to talk yourself through it. So, whenever you get frustrated or angry or irritated-”

Oh trust me, I´m irritated alright.

“-you can just come up with a saying that helps you gain control of that emotion. Like, for an example, you just had your favorite toy taken away and you are angry. Then all you have to say is ¨My anger is a red balloon, I simply let go¨, do you get what I'm saying Emily?¨

¨Yes I do Ms. Clement,¨ I smiled but in my mind there was a tornado. I mean yes it made sense but how was a sentence supposed to get rid of such strong emotions? How was a simple saying supposed to get rid of the anger and the resentment? How was ten words going to get rid of the hurt I felt every time I see a family. The anger I got when I realized that other people had taken that away from me. The resentment I felt when thought that I may never have that again. Or the confusion I had when I wondered why God would do this to me. I mean, I had always been taught that we are all his children and he loved us all but, did that mean he loved others more? Cared for them more? Is that why he put me in this situation? Because he loved me less? I mean, I shouldn't be in this situation. I shouldn't have to deal with this yet. I'm too young to feel this way, right? So, why would he do this? Why? WHY? WHY?!...I'm only seven...I´m only seven.

¨Emily sweetheart, what's wrong?¨ She asked wiping at the tear that had began to flow down my cheeks. I hadn´t even realized that I had been crying.

¨Emily I know this is a confusing time for you.” I looked into her eyes hoping there was some understanding. Hoping there might be something to hold on to that I could grasp like a tightrope. Something that might make me feel a little less....alone. But, as with all the others, the only thing in her eyes were pity. Sad, depressing, “Oh you poor thing” pity. And that made me angry.

“But when you start thinking of things that might make you sad or angry, you must talk to me about it. Otherwise you won’t feel better. OK?”

“Yes Ms. Clement. I understand.”

“Good. Now would you like to switch chairs? You’ve been scratching yourself silly. I’ll get you some moisturizer,” she stated going back into her office. When she had gone I looked down at my arm. My fingernails had dug into my arm leaving criss-cross patterns that glowed red. God, this whole room made me feel itchy. Just by looking at it you could tell that this had once been the adult therapist room. It had bright green paint that had started to wear off showing the white, bland walls beneath it. The bookshelves, now holding Nancy Drew books way past their prime, and Harry Potter’s adventures, had dust probably as old as Ms. Clement. One could only imagine the types of books they had once had there for adults. “Listen to your therapist: They’re always right” or “We only want to help you get better” and my personal favorite “We really do want to help. We aren’t just taking your money because we want to.”

“Here you go sweety. It’s country apple,” she offered handing me the sweet smelling bottle.

“Thanks,” I muttered glad for a distraction. I lifted the bottle to my nose hoping it smelled at least decent. As I took a big sniff my mind wandered to the apple trees at Sarah’s house that always seemed to be in bloom. How we would ride the horses together galloping into the neverending sky. The wind flapping our clothes and whipping our hair in a dance long forgot. And the excitement I felt when I realized that next weekend she would babysit me again. Oh, how I missed her. But Paula and John didn’t know her, not like my parents ever had. Paula and John didn’t seem to think that Sarah and her parent's farm was very safe. Riding horses: not safe. Climbing hay bales: not safe. Petting and feeding the horses through the barbed wire fence: not safe. Petting the farm cats: not safe. I mean i'm not a nun, I do get to have a life right?

“Now let’s talk about your foster parents”-

“Paula and John,” I intercepted. I hated when people called them my “foster parents”. Yes they were nice and all but, they were in no way my parents and they would never be. To me, the were Paula and John. Just Paula and John.

“Yes of course. And we’ll talk about your parents as well. Also tomorrow if you feel up to it we are going to talk about that night, ok?” She coaxed. I knew that voice instantly. That was the voice that I used on my cousin Amelia when she chewed on something she wasn’t supposed to. The voice that one might use on a baby deer coaxing it out of the soft pine wood. Well trust me I am not a helpless baby deer. I don’t need to be talked to like a small child.

“Emily!” My dad shouted his voice laced with frustration.

“Sorry dad. Coming.” I turned back finally remembering Gravin’s text. I picked up the phone hoping he wasn’t to peeved that I hadn’t responded sooner. I giggled with excitement wondering what he could want.

Hey I need to talk to you”

“Of course. What’s up?” What was he getting at? He was acting kinda strange. He almost always started our conversations with a joke or his trademark “Hey what’s up?”

“This is hard to say” No, No, No. Don’t. Don’t say it. “But um I don’t think that this is working out. It’s over. I’m sorry.” I reread it again and again trying to make sense of it. The words began to blur, turning into jumbles from my tears. Words I couldn’t comprehend. Inside of me I heard a tearing sound, the shattering of a mirror, the shot of a gun. And although I didn’t want to admit it, I knew exactly what that noise was. The breaking of my heart. The shattering of my trust.

That night as I lay there in bed listening to the gentle whispers of the wind, I realized something that made my heart ache. From that day on I would never trust people the same way. I could never open up to people with such ease as before. And it was my fault. For trusting someone who never truly cared for me. Why? I mean really? Over a text?! But I had to go on. I wasn’t going to show him that it bothered me one bit. Because if there was one thing that I was best at, it was faking being happy.

The wind was slightly chilled for late July. The trees had begun to quiver in fret at the upcoming fall. The birds still singing their heart’s last song. Stacy had texted me wanting me to hang out. She had been persistent in mentioning my laziness. AAU volleyball had just begun and Stacy was dead set on us being in shape for it. 5 a.m. runs? Check. Workout regimine every night? Check. Healthy eating? Check. It was exhausting! But she was my friend so why not I guess. As we walked up the sidewalk almost to I.C. park I began to wonder what we were doing. This wasn’t a run or a workout so what was she planning this time?

“Now,” Stacy explained. “We are meeting Cole and one of his friends. Is that ok?”

“Yeah that’s fine by me.” I smiled. Stacy was always so considerate. It was impossible to think that at one point we weren’t friends. She may not have been my best friend, but she was always there for me.

She touched my shoulder. “Hey there they are now.”

I turned slightly waving my hand at them. All of a sudden my heart pounded on my chest begging to be released. My arms and legs began to quiver, shaking, like they had minds of their own. My vision began to shrink like a tunnel connecting only us together in a sea of black.

Everything disappeared. The slight chug and clunk of a nearby car. The wind nipping and biting our soft bare skin. The slight argumentative tone carried behind Stacy and Cole as they quarrelled over what football team was better. I stared, dumbstruck as I watched him walk slowly up to me, his red hair swaying with the wind. I quickly looked down at my feet, embarrassed, convinced that he would be able to hear my racing heartbeat. As I looked at the grass laid out like an album, I felt the sudden intensity of his gaze on me. I didn't what to look up. I didn't want him to see my face, not ever. His eyes skittered my arm, my shoulder, everywhere feeling like a light, gentle whisper.

I think about she would do. But I smile, I know exactly what she would do. She would run up to him her hair dancing in the wind, and wrap her arms around him. She would feel the heat radiating from his fast-beating heart and snuggle closer to him breathing in his sweet scent of soap and ginger.

As I am pulled into my own imagination, I swear he is right next me. The smell of ginger is so strong it fills me nose, spreading like liquid fire, warming me from the inside out.

¨Hey Emily,¨ his smooth voice carried into my foggy head, shattering my world like a mirror. But something was wrong. His voice sounded too loud, too clear, as if I was only a few inches from him. I open my eyes, horrified to realize that there I was, in his arms our faces just inches from each other. I must not have imagined it. I looked at his face his expression curious, as if he was waiting for something. Oh yeah.

¨Hey Gravin. Um....sorry,¨ I didn't want to let go, separate from his arms.He was so warm and comforting. Like wrapping up in a warm blanket after being in the cold. Shocking. Numbing. I stumble, putting as much distance as I dare between us. This is too much. I shouldn't feel this way. I don't even know him.

¨Your fine. I just didn't realize you were that excited to see me,¨ He joked , flashing me one of his blinding smiles.

¨No I´m not excited to see you. I´m just here for your sweatshirt,¨ I giggle. Play it cool. I hold out my hands and try to look as impatient as I can. He looks at me, his arms still crossed, but I could see his willpower melting, like worn snow. He handed me his sweatshirt, his expression making my heart flutter. I put it on, drinking in it´s sweet earthy musk. It´s warmth made me shiver, sending soft pin pricks all over my arms. As we started to walk I could feel him looking at me.

¨What?¨ I asked. I looked up into his eyes, surprised. They were golden like honey, his hair the color of autumn leaves. He looked into my eyes, each second staring deeper and deeper, each time his face  getting closer and closer.

As I stared deeper into his eyes my chest tightened. I couldn´t breath. It was like his stare had locked me to my place. My eyes had started to hurt, but I didn't want to take my eyes off of his. When he answered me his face was just inches from mine.

¨Nothing. I was just thinking,¨ He stated, a crease deepening between his eyebrows. Even from just knowing him for two days I could already tell that he was lying. ¨Oh so about last week, are you ok. I´m sorry I didn't get to ask you that before,¨ He admitted looking guilty.

¨No your ok, i'm fine, really.¨
¨Ok that´s good,¨ He sighed. I gave him a questioning look. Why was he so relieved? After all I was the one who just about fell flat on my face. ¨Well it's just.....umm it's never a good thing when a pretty girl gets hurt,¨ He stumbles rushing the last part, like he wanted to get the words out as fast as possible. I stared at him, dumbstruck. His face had begun to redden. I almost laughed. He reminded me of Rudolph.

¨No one has called me pretty in a long time. Thank you Gravin. That means a lot to me,¨ I choked out. A lump had started in the back of my throat, threatening tears to come. I swallowed, trying to will them back. Before I could tell myself no, I turned, pulling him into a gentle embrace. He tensed up, obviously surprised, but when he realized what I was doing his body became limp in my arms. His arms wrapped around me, like a soft cocoon. I pressed my ear to his chest, hearing the soft melody of his heart. As we stood there, I began to drift, somewhere else, somewhere this happened every day, a place where we never separated, where our bodies connected, the line between us, lost.

¨Thank you,¨ I whisper. To him or to the world, I can't tell. And when we pull away from each I could feel that something had changed. When I stared at him shivering in a t-shirt, a smile touching his eyes, his hair spiked and tousled in the wind, I realized something that made my heart burst. Like a speeding train, it hit me. I had started to fall in love with him. And it was just the beginning.


© Copyright 2017 Heather Viers. All rights reserved.

Chapters
Booksie Spring 2017 Flash Fiction Contest

Booksie Popular Content

Other Content by Heather Viers

Popular Tags