Wanting answers

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
This miscellaneous is about understanding ourselves, how we act, why we are the way we are... Sometimes we have trouble understanding our own emotions, mind sets... We end up believing that we are abnormal, not meant to be here, be alive. We don't act the same way as others, we don't think the same way, we have more complicated lives. The point of this is to explain that there is always an explanation to who we are, why we are. With time comes answers, and with those answers come solutions. All we need to do is be patient and never give up.

Submitted: January 30, 2017

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Submitted: January 30, 2017

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I recently came across an article that answered many questions I had about myself. For years now I have not fully been able to understand why I act the way I do, why I am the way I am. People around me have notticed that I wasn't exactly normal: in my appearance, my attitude... but no one has ever known to what extent I am strange. I am not the kind of strange you would normally see in films or read about in books, some would call those kind of strange people "freaks", they are usually misunderstood people who have trouble fitting in.

I don't have any trouble fitting in, I have a typical social life but I don't think the same way as others, I don't react in the same way, think the "normal" way.

 

I have notticed that many of my friends have quite happy lives, no one's life is perfect but they are happy and don't have any problems out of the ordinary.

 

I always thought that my emotions and problems were unexplained, that I was simply dramatic or that I desperately seeked attention and so invented all of these problems. I was convinced that I was a liar, that I lied not only to others but also to myself.

The symptoms I have been experiencing are: depression, anorexia, low self-esteem, self harm, doing sexual actions even if I didn't want to, addiction in my personnality and physical pains that have no medical explanation. This article explained that these are all symptoms of sexual child abuse.

 

I had been wondering if performing the sexual actions I was for six years was sexual abuse. I had been looking in to that subject and trying to get an answer, was it abuse? Was I just doing it all consentually and being so confused and abnormal I believed that it was abuse? I had such low self-estheim that I doubted even myself when it came to my own memories and emotions. Now I understand that I was sexually abused as a child, by another child. That is why I will never report my abuser, they were but a child themselves, I do not want to destroy their future, they might have done a terrible thing to me but they did not know what they were doing, they have stopped abusing others and now they are moving on as I must do. I do not want to ruin whatever future they have. That might sound crazy but it is how I feel.

 

But the point of this miscellaneous is to get a message across. The message is that no matter how confusing you are, how confused you are about yourself, there is always a reason for you being who you are. You might not understand how your mind works, why you are so different from others, why you do not think the same way others do. But there is always a reason, some explannation that will tell you that you are not crazy, you are not a monster, some creature that has no right to be alive, you are a normal person, you have had a difficult past, that is what made you the way you are. That way is not bad, your past may have hurt you and may have scard you, but that doesn't mean that you are destined to be bad, you make your own destiny by acting on the good, by chosing your actions according to the person you want to be.

 

No matter who you are, you are not alone, someone has already gone through what you are going through no matter what that is. Someone will go through it again. But you should never give up. Even if it might take time and might be hard, in the end you will always get answers. I don't mind the depression, disorders and other symptoms I have that much, I know I can get help and I plan to, I can work through whatever I am going through with time and I can do that because I know what the problems is. All I ever wanted was answers, an explanation as to why I am the way I am. With thos answers I can solve my problems, I can make a good ending for myself, that is all because I have not given up, with time comes solutions, no problem lasts forever.

 

Stay strong, keep on surviving, see you, I love you!

Be patient, answers will come.

XXX

Teen nobody.


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