Falling in Love

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: February 03, 2017

A A A | A A A

Submitted: February 03, 2017




I fell in love with a man who changed my entire view of how I see the world. He taught me to go outside me comfort zone, to dream for adventure. Falling in love with him made me dance around my bedroom while getting ready in the morning, it made me dream of my future with him.


He is the most amazing person I have ever met. If I was sad or upset and he wasn’t with me, he would call me and wouldn’t hang up until I was laughing. He loved to buy me jewelry, so I could constantly have him with me. He made every single day with him so special. When I was sad, he was the only one who knew how to make it better. He always was willing to rub my feet or play with my hair. There wasn’t a day I woke up feeling unloved, he truly changed my life.


More than any of the things he physically did for me, he opened up my heart. I wasn’t looking for love when we found each other, I didn’t think there was anyone I could connect with. He taught me that it was okay to open up to people, something I have struggled with for years. After struggling with depression for over 4 years, I suddenly didn’t dread waking up in the morning. I wanted to tell him everything that was on my mind all the time.


I dreamt of all the silly things you do when you are young and in love. We wanted to move to a tiny town in Virginia, buy a big beautiful barn with a porch swing and sunflowers lining one side. Have a big garden full of food I could cook with. Our house would be covered in marble. Sometimes we would go to Target and walk around the store picking out pretend things we would have. He wanted a bear coat rug in our living room, I wanted a purple kitchen aid mixer for baking. We would have a big comfy bed to fit us, and the kids when they were lonely. A fan always on because he likes sleeping cold, and tons of warm blankets because I don’t. I would sleep in his flannel and we would wake up in the morning to make pancakes with the kids. Our house would be filled with cats and dogs. I would dream of him coming home from work, kissing me on the forehead and the kids jumping into his arms. Dinner parties with our friends on the weekends, ski trips in the winter, and summer trips to his family beach house in the summer.


I could go on and on. When I was sad, he would say “Hey remember our story?” And instantly my frown was gone. But suddenly, he stopped reminding me. I would bring it up and he would say “I’m too young to know for sure who I am going to end up with” or “That is in a long time”.

I knew I was losing him when I said I loved him and he stopped saying he loved me more.

I knew I was losing him because suddenly everything I did was wrong,

He left me the night before New Year's Eve. I spent the night drunk out of my mind in a sad daze wondering if it was worth it to keep living.


The point is, I don’t regret falling in love with him. I don’t regret forming this perfect future with someone that is never going to happen. I regret not showing him I loved him more, I was so worried that people would judge me for being so head over heels that sometimes I hid it. Sometimes my depression made me someone no one wanted to be around.


If I could go back in time, if I had another chance, I would make sure he knew every day how much I love him. I would do anything just to be with him again.

If you ever read this baby, I love you. I don’t want to have this story with anyone else. I can’t handle many more days without you.

I wish you would look at me the way you used to. I lost my lover and my best friend and going through life alone is the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

I love you.

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