Pomegranate Tea

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
Sometimes you have to lose yourself to find yourself...

Submitted: February 05, 2017

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Submitted: February 05, 2017

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The smell of my pomegranate tea rose to my nostrils as I felt my throat quench with thirst for the bittersweet taste of my warm drink. Two teaspoons of sugar did the trick that made this my new favorite drink. I took the first sip and immediately realized that I had forgotten my glasses on. The vapor covered my eyes and I smiled at the silliness of the situation, feeling like a little child with her candy. 


I had just survived another busy, tiring week and undone myself from the relentless paperwork. He walked in and slumped next to me. It was obvious something was wrong... so, although I had silently promised myself no "helping" this weekend, I couldn't bear to leave the misery hanging, "What's wrong?"


"Nothing... nothing important"


"Mmm..." (They all hate it when I say that; obviously he gave me that despising look).


"Are there no other words or group of sounds left to use but your mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm"


That was exaggerated honestly, mine had lasted a second, just three Ms!


"Well, you look miserable so what's wrong and don't you say nothing or I will "mmm" it out of you!"


"I don't know... I don't understand... I miss her, I miss us, I miss the me I was with her... but I can't go back, I just can't... I lost her and us and me with her somewhere... and I keep looking for them... and I can't find them..."


"mmm"


That look again...


"You know, I never believed in magic until I met her... that instant connection, that feeling that she is the one, the only one in the world, in all of existence. I could have left everything for her, I wanted to, I almost did..."


"And then what happened?"


"Well... I lost myself... I couldn't... I didn't know who I was without her, I didn't know what the world was if it weren't her, I didn't know how to breathe without her... I lost "me""


"How? How does someone lose himself?"


"She loved me too much?"


"Too much? How does one love too much?"  (In my head I thought, seriously people are never satisfied, too little, too much, not the right way... loved too much, you're lucky if you've been loved at all!)


"I think it felt like too much because I simply couldn't believe it... my reservoir for love was too small.."


"I don't understand, you are the most compassionate person I've met, what do you mean?"


"Yes I do have much love for others, that reservoir is always full, but the part that's mine, that is filled with love for me, is so small, so tiny... I don't understand it when there is more than I can fit in, I don't know how to cope with more, I don't know how to take more..."


"You mean you feel that you are undeserving of more than just a little love?"


"I mean I don't feel worthy, and more just feels like charity, like sympathy."


"So you left her because she loved you more than you feel you deserve?"


"I left her because I couldn't believe it, I couldn't believe it was true, that I could be so loved."


"So are you miserable because you lost her? Or because you found you?"


"I'm telling you I lost myself!"


"Sounds more like you've found him..."

?He stared at me while I slowly sipped my pomegranate tea, no glasses on...


© Copyright 2018 sarah sab. All rights reserved.

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