A Valentines Day Gift for the North Star

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
The North star was his light, and he needed to let her know that.

Submitted: February 07, 2017

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Submitted: February 07, 2017

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I have to say, I’d have never thought I’d be trudging through a blizzard just so I could see Polaris’s stupid face: how perfectly her hair fell on her face, and how flawless her skin looked. I couldn’t believe how far I'd go just to be able to hear her voice and feel her warmth. Then again, here I was. I was knee deep in snow, just so I could tell her how I felt. I wanted to tell her in person, but the blizzard didn’t facilitate that. It was more concerned with making me as unmotivated as possible, and it was starting to win. I was about to turn back. Then the ice chunk hit me.

I'd like to say I was graceful when it hit me. I’d like to say that it only gave me more motivation to see her. I'd like to say a lot of things, but in actuality, I was knocked unconscious instantly. I could tell because there wasn’t a blizzard anymore. It was back when me and her were together. It hadn’t lasted long, and it was all my fault.

She made me so happy. She made me forget all about the heinous events happening in the world, and she was a light in the darkness; however, I couldn’t get over what happened last time I had felt like this. I couldn’t get over Margret.

I was completely in love with Margret. She was amazing in every way, but she was suicidal and manipulative. She made we constantly worry about her life. I was never sure if the last time I talked to her would be the last forever. She made me paranoid. When she didn’t respond, I'd blow up her phone with notifications. She would constantly give out these vague messages that terrified me because she made it sound like she was going to kill herself. I went to a dark place where love and suffering became one in the same. It was like I was addicted to the constantly breaking of my heart, and I couldn’t make myself realize that this wasn’t love. This was an affliction.

I never got over it and it made its way into my relationship with Polaris. I was clingy. I was needy. I was paranoid about her leaving me, and it manifested itself into a constant need for reassurance. This isn’t an attractive quality in anybody.

“We can’t be together. I can’t give you what you need.” Those were the words that shattered my heart. I was too busy being concerned with whether or not I was losing her, and didn’t notice that I was pushing her away. I forgot that she made me truly happy, and could only remember Margret and the suffering I went through. I was too busy in the past, and I failed to realize that just over the horizon, there was a bright future. It was a future where I knew what love was, and it gave me life.

I was too late though. I had done what I had done, and I couldn’t go back to change it. It broke me. Only then did I realize that I needed to get over the past. Only then, did I realize how truly in love with Polaris I was. That’s why I was trudging through the snow to find a second chance. That is why I kept fighting against nature itself just to see her. I had to fix this.

When I woke up, I was freezing. That kind of thing tends to happen when you black out during a blizzard, but it didn’t stop me. I had a fire in my soul burning brighter than I ever thought possible and it was not going to be extinguished by some snow. I was going to find Polaris, and nothing was going to stop me. Therefore, I got up, brushed myself off, and kept going. I was no longer going to let the past control me. I had to let go. So I did. It was in that moment, that the blizzard disappeared. There was no more wind battering my face, or snow weighing me down. It was just a matter of walking the next quarter mile.

When I finally arrived at her house, I knocked on the door and waited. She finally answered. “What the hell are you doing here, Pravi? Its 2 in the morning.” She looked perfect, and it made the journey worth it.

“”Polaris, I am in love with you. I should have realized that sooner, but I was scared to accept that fact. I was scared because, to me, love and suffering were the same. But I realized something. They couldn’t be farther from each other. When I think about, I smile. When you’re around the world seems simpler and all is good in the world. I want to try again. This time, without the past dictating my life. We can go slowly, and I hope we do. I want so savor every moment you are in my life. I know our relationship won’t be perfect, but I want to be with you. For better or for worse.” The words came out of my mouth before I knew what had happened. Thank God I hadn’t thought, because if the words had come from anywhere but the heart, I would have messed it up.

She stood there quietly. We stared into each other’s eyes, not saying a word. I looked into her eyes and saw how truly deep they were. They were as deep as the ocean and as rich as chocolate. I would never get tired of gazing at them like they were stars in the night.

“If you needed to talk, you could have called,” she said with a sass I had grown to treasure with the same value as a diamond.

“If I had, I wouldn’t have been able to do this,” I retorted, and I kissed her. I kissed her because it felt right, like everything in the universe had aligned to make this moment happen. I couldn’t have asked for anything more, because it was perfect. I held her in my arms with my lips gently pressed against hers, and all was right with the world. This must be what true love feels like, because I wouldn’t give it for the whole world. For the first time in what seemed like forever and a day, I felt like my story had a happy ending.


© Copyright 2017 Joshua Rowe. All rights reserved.

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