The Penguin and the Crash Cymbal

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
An idea i got from a picture on the internet. It's stupid and cheesy and I love it

Submitted: February 08, 2017

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Submitted: February 08, 2017

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“JERRY, I told you NOT to bring the damn cymbals!”

“Yeah, and I didn’t listen!” It’s amazing what boredom will push you to do. One minute, two penguins were chilling on the ice, and the next moment, one of the penguins was on the back of some fuzzy white creature, about to wake him up with the sound of brass crashing against brass. If you saw this creature, you’d know it to be a polar bear, but because polar bears and penguins live on opposite poles of the world, they had no idea what it was.

“Wait, Jerry. How are you even able to hold the cymbals?”

“Determination, Misha. Determination,” and with that, he crashed the cymbals. The first and obvious problem with this was the fact that Jerry was standing on top of the strange creature. The second problem was that there was no water nearby. This detail meant that, in order to get away, they would have to outsprint a polar bear. Penguins were not built for sprinting. They also weren’t meant for flying, unlike most other birds.

This realization only hit them, when the polar bear actually woke up. “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?! I’M TRYING TO SLEEP, ASSHATS!” The polar bear slowly raised himself off the ice and stood on all fours. Rather than eat the penguins, like most polar bears would, he slapped them. Most people haven’t been slapped by a polar bear and so most people don’t know what it feels like. For those of you wondering, it feels like having a very large wooden spatula smack against you. You get the wind knocked out of you and mostly likely lose control of your bladder. These two penguins were fortunate, or unfortunate enough, to understand what this felt like.

As the penguins sailed through the air, because penguins don’t seem to weigh much when pimp slapped by a polar bear, they contemplated their life choices that had gotten them to this point. The two penguins had been friends for as long as they could remember. They shared a bond. This might be because both of their dads accidently let go of them when they were still eggs. The two fortunate eggs rolled next to a very kind female penguin, who kept them warm and safe. After they were hatched, there was a dispute about where the penguins’ actual parents were. After a surprisingly complex court case, it was settled and the penguins went back to their actual parents.

They had gone out looking for adventure because Antarctica is a very boring continent. There’s snow, ice, and rocks and that’s about it. So they went out on their own to find something interesting to do. That’s when Jerry saw the furry white blob and pulled out the cymbals. Misha would have tried harder to stop Jerry, but Misha was too busy trying to figure out where Jerry was keeping the cymbals and where he found them in the first place. He didn’t notice Jerry climb on top of the furry white blob until it was just a bit too late.

Now the two friends were flying through the air, more confused than injured. They finally hit the ground about 15 feet from where they started. Jerry, being the curious one of the two, was intrigued as to what the white blob was. “Hey. You! What are you?”

The polar bear had a confused look on his face. “What do you mean? I’m a polar bear. I’m from the north pole.”

“No, I haven’t seen one of your kind before; probably because this is the South Pole. How did you get to the other end of the world?”

The polar bear contemplated this for a moment. How had he gotten here? The last thing he remembered was following a very kind man who had promised him fish. When he woke up again, the ship was sinking and he swam to the nearest land mass he could. Luckily for him, or so he thought, it was icy and cold which meant he was still at the North Pole; however, he apparently had traveled to the other side of the world. This was all very surprising for the poor polar bear. He needed to get back to the North Pole, he needed to get back to his friends, and most importantly, he needed to get back to his family.

As the polar began to look more confused and lost in the world, Misha decided to try and comfort the poor polar bear. “Mr. Polar Bear, do you have a name?”

The polar tried to pull himself back together. “My name is Theodore, but you can call me Teddy if you’d like.”

“Well Teddy, we would love to help you get back to where you belong. Wouldn’t we, Jerry?”

Jerry started to argue.” Why would we do-,, “he was cut off by Misha’s surprisingly painful flipper smacking him upside the head. “ I mean, of course we’ll help you get home,” Jerry corrected himself, “Do you know where you’re from?”

“The north pole, I already said that; however, I don’t know how to get back there.” The polar bear was starting to lose his composure again.

Misha thought about this for second. “Well, we’re on the south pole. If you’re from the North Pole, the all we have to do is go north.” Jerry snickered.

“Jerry, we’re penguins. We don’t know which way is north. We don’t have a compass or anything.” Jerry wore a smug smile, knowing he had blown a hole in Misha’s plan.

“Jerry?”’

“Yeah?”

“We’re on the south pole. Literally, every direction is north. Stop being an asshole, and help me get Teddy back home.”

Jerry’s smug face started to turn to embarrassment. He knew he wasn’t getting out of this. Well, he thought to himself, at least we won’t be bored. So the three animals sat in silence for a few moments, figuring out the best way to go north.

“Wait, there’s another land mass not far from here. You can see it from the coast. I have relatives there,” Jerry claimed.

“Well, we have to start somewhere,” said Teddy, “Thank you guys for doing this for me.” The polar bear started to smile. Unfortunately, for the polar bear, his mouth was filled with sharp teeth that were terrifying to two small penguins. Therefore, he quickly stopped and the three of them started the trek to the coast. They made it safe and sound and crossed the ocean with no problems. Conveniently for them, there were environmental activists on the coast, investigating a shipwreck that allegedly had poached animals and thousands of dollars’ worth of stolen instruments.

When the environmentalists saw the polar bear, they radioed in and told their superiors. In 15 minutes, the polar bear was on a ship back to the North Pole and back to his family. The environmentalists didn’t notice the two penguins high fiving, because they had sent their new found friend back home. The penguins went back to Antarctica, and had most interesting story to tell everyone they knew. This isn’t saying much, because nothing ever happens on Antarctica, but the penguins were just happy they weren’t bored.


© Copyright 2018 Joshua Rowe. All rights reserved.

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