30/10/16

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
This is a collection on my feelings on the date of 30/10/16.
I hope it speaks for itself.

Submitted: February 08, 2017

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Submitted: February 08, 2017

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I begin writing today, I feel incomplete when I don't write for a little while.

Today I had my first panic attack for a while and I did it infront of Lauren. I love her, she coped so well and I feel so guilty that she saw me in a state.

She does something to me that I've never had before, everyone else before was a waste of my time but she's far from it. She's nothing like them, I adore her and love her to the end of the earth. I thought I've felt love before but I never have. She's something different.

Is it twisted to use a phrase that someone I've previously 'talked' to used about me, to describe her? I guess not because I didn't understand it then. He said something along the lines of, 'you're like every book I've ever read combined into one, you're beautiful'. Of course, I never felt the same way about him so I didn't understand but now I do, I understand what it's like to adore someone and think the world of them. She is everything, she's the love in The Great Gatbsy, she's the admiration in Danny the Champion of the World, she's the will power and determination in Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close.

She's my warmth when I'm cold and my cold when I'm too warm. She covers every need I have.

She is relief, like when you're thirsty and have a can of coke or when you've been out all day in the cold February weather and you finally get home and slip into your jarmers.

I don't know. 

She makes every nerve I have supposed control over, loose control. To begin with, it kind of scared me how good she makes me feel. I feel alive, I don't feel numb like I used to. I actually have feelings now. A few years ago there was nothing.

I've been invigorated. 

The future is so bright for us and for her, she's so much more intelligent than she thinks she is, she amazes me with some of the things she says and she doesn't even know. I'm so proud of her for doing what she wants to do. 

I couldn't do such a thing, I wish to paint all day, I could paint her all day, she's my muse. 

I love the way she lays when she lays on her side with her knees bent inward. I think it's the curve from her hip to her ribs, I can't describe her in a way that portrays the awe she inspires in me. 

The way she lays in itself makes me have this intense attraction, like two magnets, she's north and I'm south, but we aren't opposites. She feels this way about me too, our love is reciprocated. That is what makes my life worth living. Knowing all this that I feel, is felt back, minus the long words and similes.

 

 


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