Boycotting the Internet and Things I Disagree With

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
just a satirical little 'rant'

Submitted: February 10, 2017

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Submitted: February 10, 2017



Dear Leader of the Internet,


I’m writing to complain about something I’m seeing just about everywhere now.

Things I disagree with.

Differing opinions – they’re everywhere!

So I’m urging whoever runs the Internet to please stop allowing me to see and experience points of views and perspectives that I disagree with. I find it very bothersome and troubling when I read a news story that conflicts with what I believe in. I just want to read a news story with the pure facts. No bias or prejudice, or any hint of subjectivity or humanity should be allowed in a news story. Well, except for the bias or prejudice that conforms with my opinion, of course.

And it’s not just the news stories that disagree with the narrative I’ve constructed – it’s even affected the shows and movies that I watch! I mean, you have to understand just how troubling this is for me. I’m staying in on a Saturday night to watch a movie and I just want to be entertained. Then a character on my show says something political and this is just so very upsetting! Politics should take no part in my entertainment, unless of course it’s the politics I agree with. Don’t you see my dilemma? I can’t escape contrary opinions and I’m so bothered by that!

Even my friends on social media are posting things I disagree with! My very own friends aren’t conforming to my very specific and contradictory position, and so I’m forced to block them!

I think the culprit is political correctness! You see, people get offended so easily about the silliest things and this really offends me. People getting offended is so offensive, and I can’t handle being offended by other people being offended, so I demand to not have to see other people being offended, lest I become offended myself!

Until this is fixed, I will be boycotting the Internet and the things I disagree with that are on it!

So I beg you, whoever you are that leads the Internet, please remove news stories, movies, shows, articles, blog posts, celebrities, businesses, friends, and family that disagree with my point of view! My fragile conception of the world won’t be able to withstand another opposing opinion or evidence that contradicts what I believe in!



A Scared, Fragile Denizen of the Internet



And if you could also get in touch with the Leader of Reality, I hope you can let them know that reality is really getting in the way of what I believe in, and to make proper amendments ASAP. Thank you.




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