the man without a heart

the man without a heart

Status: Finished

Genre: Romance



Status: Finished

Genre: Romance




about a helpless man struggling with his life.
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about a helpless man struggling with his life.

Chapter1 (v.1) - all chapter

Chapter Content - ver.1

Submitted: February 10, 2017

Reads: 15

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Chapter Content - ver.1

Submitted: February 10, 2017



‘Steve! Wake up. You’re getting late for school,’ my grandmother said to me. I knew I was late but I didn’t want to wake up. ‘Hurry up. Here’s your breakfast,’ she shouted from the kitchen. I looked at my watch and it was 10 a.m. ‘the class starts from 9:30 but who cares,’ I thought to myself and went back to sleep. ‘Honey. I’m saying that you’re going to be late for school,’ she came to me again. ‘Alrighttttt,’ I finally woke up and went to the bathroom. When I came out, she was holding a plate of pancakes but I wasn’t giving any attention to her. As I was checking the books, she tried to put some on my mouth. ‘Grandma please! I don’t want this,’ I said. ‘You’ll get hungry if you don’t eat this Steve,’ she replied softly. ‘Okay.’ I said and took a piece from her and ran downstairs. ‘Take care,’ she shouted but I didn’t even give her a goodbye kiss. That was the time when I was in high school. I lived with my grandmother as my parents were divorced. My mother remarried and my father died.

‘Mr. Steve! Why are you late for school?’ Mr. Cole asked me. ‘I have a problem at home,’ I answered. ‘You’re late every day. So you have problems every day?’ he asked me again. I stayed silent and I looked down. ‘Do you think I believe in your stupid excuse? I’m serious Mr. Steve. This is my last warning.’ He continued. I found an empty seat at the corner and I sat there. Mr. Cole was teaching about the structure of atoms…how the electrons were discovered and so on but my mind was on something. I remembered this because that was my last class.

‘You’re going be late again,’ my grandmother woke me up again like she usually did. I don’t know why I hate going to school that much. Well I’ve had no friends and the class was so boring. I took a bath and went to the school. Again I was late, I thought, ‘I’m already late so obviously Mr. Cole is going to scold me so why would I rush?’ With these thoughts I walked slowly then I came to my senses when someone called me. ‘Hey dude,’ someone called. I turned back and it was a guy from school. ‘Yeah?’

‘You’re going to school at this hour?’ he asked.

‘Yes. What about you?’

‘I have some other business besides going to school.’ he said.

‘What kind of business?’ I asked curiously.

‘Why are you asking? Are you interested?’

‘Well it depends,’ I answered.

‘Then come with me,’ he said and I followed the guy I barely knows.

We went to a dark tunnel and there was some other guys smoking pot. ‘Who the f**k is this guy Josh?’ the one with the crazy haircut asked. Oh my god! I don’t even know his name….the guy I’m following. ‘He’s a friend from school’, Josh replied. Did he just say “friend”? I just met him! ‘Hi I’m Steve,’ I introduced myself to the guys. ‘Yeah whatever! You’re gonna smoke this s**t or what?’ another guy asked. ‘Sure,’ I said and took the joint. One after another, I was high. These guys I just met felt like a family to me. After some hours, we went to a bar, shot some cocktail and I was happy. I was enjoying at the fullest and then suddenly I realized that it was already dark and I was supposed to be at home. ‘Guys I gotta go. See you tomorrow,’ I said and ran back home. My grandmother was there waiting for me outside, ‘Why are you so late?’ she asked me. I didn’t say anything to her. ‘I’m asking you Steve,’ she raised her voice a bit. ‘I’m not a kid anymore! I can do whatever I want. Stop babying me,’ I answered. She didn’t respond anything, she just stayed in silence. Next day instead of going to school, I went with the guys. A week passed by then one evening, ‘Steve! What is this?’ my grandmother asked me. I took it and it was a letter from school, a letter of suspension. My grandmother cried with the letter in her hands but I didn’t care about the suspension. ‘I’m going to visit some friends, don’t wait for me grandma,’ I told her as she was crying.

‘Hey guys let’s smoke near the school,’ Josh said. ‘What if we got caught?’ I asked. ‘Come on don’t be such a baby. It will be fun,’ he said. The other guys also agreed with the plan and the next thing I remembered was getting caught by the cops. ‘Is Steve here?’ one of the cops asked. ‘Yeah,’ I answered. ‘You can come out,’ he said. I found my grandmother waiting for me. I didn’t even apologize to her for my behavior. On the way back, no one says a word until we reached home, ‘Steve can I talk to you,’ said. ‘Sure,’ I answered. ‘I know that the divorce affect you and I know how much you loved your father. But it’s in the past so move on sweetheart. Do you think he’s happy up there watching you like this? Please try to understand. And by the way I admitted you to a new school.’ She said. Later that night, I thought, ‘I’m doing a wrong thing. I’ll be a good boy…new school new life new friends’.

 When I entered the new school, I was a bit surprised. My old school is much better. The thing I hate the most about the new one is, it is a co-ed school. And I’m allergic to girls and it’s not that I’m a homosexual, I’m just a shy guy. During the lunch break, ‘Can I sit here?’ I asked some guys from my class. ‘Yeah,’ one of them replied. ‘All the guys are sitting with girls and I’m not good at with.’ I tried to have a friendly conversation. ‘Yeah, we are not good either. Hi I’m Travis’. So first day, I make some friends with likeminded people.

It was Miss Jas class and she teach history….the most boring subject of all the time from my point of view. ‘Dude check out that girl over the window,’ Nick whispered. ‘Yeah yeah she’s good,’ Travis said. ‘I think the girl with the blue shirt is much better,’ I said and then all of them turned to me, ‘You told us that you hate girls.’ ‘I didn’t say I hate them I said I’m not good having conversation with them.’ I corrected them.

 Three four months later…..

‘What’s up guys?’ I found my friends in a deep conversation.

‘We’re thinking of tasting some grass,’ Nick said

‘No way. I’ve had enough. Exclude me on this one,’ I said.

‘Come on man. It’s even legal in some countries. What harm can we do by smoking pot?’ Travis said.

‘Alright alright I’ll come with you but I’m not gonna do that,’ I said.

Now the worst part, at the beginning I control myself but after sometime, I can’t resist so I started smoking again. Day after day, the old me came back. We started doing cocaine and this after that. As we were still in high school, we didn’t have a job so we stole money from home to do drugs. ‘What now?’ Travis asked. ‘My parents were broke man,’ Nick answered. Just then a thought came to me, ‘Guys you wait here. I’ll be back.’ I ran back home and, ‘Grandma where are you?’ I shouted. ‘What happened?’ she responded from her room. ‘I need the money Dad kept it for me,’ I said. ‘For what?’ she asked. ‘I have to buy some books,’ I answered. She knew I was lying, ‘I’m not gonna fall for your trap,’ she said. ‘I’m taking it,’ I said furiously and went upstairs. Since I didn’t have the keys to the cupboard so I took a hammer and broke it. Inside I found some of my Dad’s stuff and there, I found a piggy bank with something written on it. It says, ‘Little Stevieee’s college fund,’ I broke my heart at that sec. I ran downstairs to apologize to my grandmother and then I found her lying down. ‘What happened grandma?’ Are you listening to me?’ She was unconscious. I called an ambulance and on the way to the hospital she opened her eyes once and then she said, ‘I love you Steve.’ And that was her last words.

I returned from the hospital at around 11. When I entered inside, I felt so empty without her. It’s like part of me faded. I was restless; I didn’t know what to do so I bought some drugs and I was eating drinking smoking puffing all those s***s. I was really high, my nose was bleeding and I was puking everywhere I felt like, this is the day I’m gonna die. ‘Wake up,’ someone called me. I opened my eyes and I saw a girl with a bottle of water. ‘Who are you?’ I asked. ‘You don’t know me?’ she said. I got up and, ‘Ahh my head is killing me.’ I looked at her and, ‘Hey I know you,’ I said. She was the girl in blue shirt from school. She just smiled at me. ‘What are you doing here?’ I asked her again. ‘I came for a drink with the girls and I saw you having some problems.’ She answered. ‘Where are your friends?’ I asked. She replied, ‘they went back home but I decided to stay here with you.’ Why was she helping me? Still I have no clue. ‘Anyway where do you live?’ she asked me. ‘17th Burton street’, I answered. ‘Get up I’ll walk you home,’ she said and she helped me got up. ‘You go ahead leave me alone,’ I said. ‘Come on don’t try to be modest,’ she laughed at me. ‘So you’re gonna walk home alone?’ I asked. ‘Blah blah… come on. Hurry up.’ She said. ‘That’s where I lived. Are you sure you’re gonna be okay?’ I asked. She just smiled and jokingly she asked, ‘Are you sure you’re gonna be okay?’ I nodded to her and that was the first time I talked to a girl.

Few days later after my grandmother’s funeral, I went to school. Then I found the girl at the entrance, ‘Hey,’ she called me. ‘Hi. Thanks for helping me out,’ I said. ‘That’s okay. I haven’t seen you after that day, you look distinctly hung over’. I smiled and replied, ‘My grandmother died.’ She changed her facial expression and, ‘Oh I’m so sorry.’ ‘Anyway I’m Steve,’ I said. ‘I’m Carol,’ she replied.

‘Hey Steve,’ Nick called me. I invited them but they didn’t even come for the funeral. ‘What’s up guys?’ I acted normal. ‘I’m sorry we can’t come to the funeral, we went for a birthday party.’ Travis said. From that moment I realized what a friend means. I’m not angry with them, it happens to everyone. We have the habit of calling people “best friend” without knowing them actually. It doesn’t mean that true friend don’t exist but it is hard to find them.

I work at a pizza hut to survive and in the daytime, I went to school. And I studied at midnight. Now I miss my grandma’s pancakes, how she took care of me, everything, I miss her a lot.

‘Everyone clear your fees or else you can’t sit for the exam. Okay?’ Mr. Mark said. How am I supposed to get the money? I spent my salary buying some foods for the whole month. After school, I asked Nick, ‘dude can you help me out with the fees? I’ll pay you back’. He replied, ‘I’m sorry dude. I don’t have that much money,’ ‘Okay,’ I made a fake smile. Just then,

 ‘Steve,’ Carol called me.


‘You want some coffee?’ she asked.

‘Yeah. Why not?’ I replied.

‘What are you gonna do about the fees,’ she asked me.

I didn’t want to response to this but I had to, ‘I don’t know. I’ll figure it out.’ I answered

‘If that’s the case, I’ll help you out,’ she said

‘No you don’t have to.’

‘I insist,’ she said and, ‘by the way I have ticket for two for the B string concert. Wanna come with me?’ she continued.

‘I’d love to,’ I replied. Is she asking me out? I like her but I was afraid to disclose my feelings to her. You know it might ruin the trust she had in me.

I went to pick her up the next day. ‘Wow! She looks amazing,’ I said to myself when I saw her. She was wearing a grey t shirt and black shorts. She has fair complexion so any color suits her. The breeze blew her long black hair and she tried to keep away from it. ‘What?’ she bought me back to reality. ‘Nothing. You look great.’ I said. ‘Thanks.’ She answered. After the concert, we walked home. ‘Hey let’s have some ice creams,’ she jumped excitedly.’ ‘Okay. What flavor do you want?’ I asked. ‘Anything will do,’ she replied. I bought one for her and, ‘what about you?’ she asked. ‘I don’t want to eat.’ I answered. She looked surprised and then she said, ‘Why? Everyone loves ice cream.’ I smiled and replied, ‘Not me’. I watched her eating like a child. The cream stuck on her upper lips and she looks so cute with it. ‘Why are you staring at me like that? You can take a bite if you want,’ she said. I smiled and gave her a tissue. ‘Come on I’ll walk you home,’ I said. Suddenly she holds my hand and, ‘I had lots of fun today.’ she said. She was expecting an answer but I forgot to answer as I got electrified when she touched my hands. ‘Don’t you?’ she asked again. ‘Yeah. Sorry I’m nervous. This is the first time I’m touching a girl’s hand.’ I said. ‘Steve wait!,’ she said. I stopped and asked, ‘What?’ Then she came closer to me and she kissed me. ‘And this is the first time you’re kissing a girl,’ she whispered. Am I dreaming or what? The girl of my dream kissed me. What am I supposed to do? My heart was saying, ‘kiss her back’ and my mind was saying, ‘Say something, anything. With these two idiots fighting inside, I stayed still. ‘See you tomorrow,’ she said and wish me goodnight.

I love her. The way she looks at me……how sweet her voice is! Everything! I could just stare at her for hours.  It feels great to see her. She doesn’t have that glam looks you know but I want her. Everything about her seems so perfect. Thanks grandma for sending her to me.


17th March 2001, the day I still remember. It was Carol’s birthday and I planned to propose her to make it official. I woke up early and I was really excited. I took a bath, wore a clean shirt and I comb my hair like a gentlemen. I waited for her with a rose on my hand and then an hour later, she came out from a Mercedes and the guy had his arm around her shoulder. I was shocked to my core. She saw me and she was trying to get him off her shoulder. I ignored them and ran to my grandmother’s graveyard. ‘How are you doing grandma? I’m so lost right now. I have nobody besides you, you knew it! But why did you leave me? Are you tired of handling your crazy grandson? I was hurt but you helped me recover now the scars are open again. I don’t know what to do so help me out grandma. God why are you making me this way? I’m tired of living this life. Nobody’s perfect but at least give me a life that can hope. Not this one. And if you planned to give me this why did you teach me how to love? Every story has a happy ending but why not mine? Maybe it’s just the beginning. I’m looking forward to the day when I feel nothing. Right now every word every action goes straight to my heart. I’m sorry grandma for all the things I’ve done. I miss you and I swear, I won’t let anybody close enough to hurt me. I’m gonna be the man without a heart. I have a long journey to go so please guide me,’ I cried. When I turned back, Carol was there crying. ‘Please wait Steve,’ she tried to stop me. ‘What?’ I said. ‘He’s….’ ‘Please stop it.’ I cut her off and I left her.

I finished high school and work day and night to get into a college and it was a tough time for me. I didn’t hang out with people. Sometimes I felt a bit lonely. But I was afraid to step out of my room. I was afraid to face the people. I don’t know whom to trust. I think it’s better to be alone. Some says I was at the early stage of insanity. This is where everything begins, they said. I faced all the hardships of life alone and I graduated.

‘One coffee please,’ I said to the waiter. ‘Steve,’ someone called me. ‘Hi Carol! What are you doing here?’ I asked. ‘I was visiting my aunt in the neighborhood. What about you?’ she asked me. ‘I’m working over there. I came out for coffee.’ I replied. ‘Oh you work at TNZ? Nice,’ she said. ‘Yeah I just joined a month ago. Join me for a cup of coffee.’ I said. She sat down at the empty seat next to me and we were just talking awkwardly. ‘Listen that day….he was my boyfriend. I was still dating him when I met you but I felt more connected to you so I decided to leave him. Then I realized that he’s a heart patient so I was taking it slow. I should have told you about him earlier.’ She said to me. ‘Come on it’s in the past. I’ve moved on’, I answered. Actually I still loved her but I didn’t want to risk my life again. ‘So you dating anyone?’ she asked me. I thought for a min and, ‘Yeah,’ I answered. I lied because I didn’t trust her anymore, she cut me deep. So I hugged her and gave a goodbye kiss on the cheeks. From that moment, I knew I still love her but I acted like I don’t.

That was the last time I saw her. Instead of falling for someone, I fall for myself and work really hard to be a successful man so that no one will hurt me. For the sleepless nights those painful incidents, I work really hard. Two years later I was married….not to woman to a Lamborghini huracan. I can do whatever I want…….every month I threw a party and invited all the girls in town and yeah no strings attached. I became the man without a heart. This is what we called life, I thought. Now I’m the CEO of TNZ and I gotta go. I have an Audi R8 waiting for me.

© Copyright 2017 Kiran Raj. All rights reserved.

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