Escaping Birds!

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
The insane political climate has eaten away at my resolve. If only I could fly away!

Submitted: February 10, 2017

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Content

Submitted: February 10, 2017

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Scene:  Live TV in front of Central Park, NY.

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Announcer:  In a moment I'll be speaking with General Rathbone, who has agreed to comment on our government's possible role in the recent series of giant bird sightings occurring in the New York City area.  The images we're seeing on social media are apparently not a hoax.  Huge, flightless birds actually are roaming in our parks and streets, and for the first time we should learn where they're coming from and what is being done about them.  These birds, as incredible as it sounds, are real.

We know President _____ recently authorized an effort to genetically alter animals in an attempt to create a fighting force that would replace our men and women overseas, but we haven't learned whether these efforts have been successful.  General, are these birds part of that program?

General:  Yes, I'm afraid so.

Announcer:  And they escaped?

General:  ...Yes.  We made them very intelligent.  We wanted them to follow our orders.

Announcer:  Do we know how they escaped?

General:  We're not sure.

Announcer:  You're not sure.  I see.  So, you think they just put their heads together and figured out an escape plan?

General:  Like I said, we made sure the sparrows were intelligent.  To follow orders.

Announcer:  Sparrows!?  You genetically altered sparrows!?

General:  With the President's authorization.

Announcer:  Unbelievable!  Just how big are these things?

General:  Nearly eight feet.  We did everything we could to make them into fighters our country could be proud of.  Unfortunately, the changes didn't turn out exactly the way we expected.

Announcer:  What do you mean?

General:  Well, we modified their feathers, making them virtually bullet proof, but now they're too heavy to get off the ground.  Can't seem to hop very well either.

Announcer:  What can they do?

General:  With the way their talons curled, all they're able to do is shuffle.

Announcer:  What talons?

General:  We were able to give them razor sharp talons.

Announcer:  And they curled?

General:  Like corkscrews.  We made amazing progress on their fangs though.

Announcer:  These birds have fangs!?

General:  Yes!  Just imagine; huge, bullet proof birds flying down on our enemies with vicious talons and fangs!  What could stop them!?

Announcer:  It seems your engineering has stopped them.  All they can do is shuffle along with their beaks full of fangs!

General:  Uh, not exactly.  Their teeth are all falling out.

Announcer:  Those poor animals!  Didn't anything go the way you planned?

General:  Like I said, we were able to improve their intelligence.  That was successful.

Announcer:  Intelligent enough to escape.

General:  I'm afraid so.  But we're getting the situation under control.  Right now we're focusing on finding their nests.

Announcer:  They're building nests already?

General:  Oh yes, for all of the eggs they're laying.  They're laying a lot of eggs.

Announcer:  Eggs?

General:  That's what birds do.

Announcer:  Eight foot mutant sparrows aren't exactly birds!  Why do I get the impression this wasn't well thought out?

General:  The President wanted to save the lives of our military!

Announcer:  So instead of finding peaceful solutions, we're creating monsters!?

General:  We are great, and we must be victorious!!

Announcer:  I was afraid you'd say something like that.

General:  Don't you want our country to be victorious!?

Announcer:  Right now the victory I'd settle for is to get these birds out of Central Park.

General:  We're working on that, and we will succeed.

Announcer:  And I want to thank you for all your efforts General Rathbone.

General:  You bet son.  God Bless America!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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