Sadness Rains

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
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Submitted: February 12, 2017

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Submitted: February 12, 2017

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I feel like I am drowning, slowly being pulled under by the words of the world. I can’t breathe; I am gasping for air but there is none that I can take. My eyes shoot open and everyone is standing around me. I don't know where I am. Keira, my best and only friend, runs up to me and asks if I am okay. I then realise that I am sitting on the cafeteria floor of my school and everybody is watching me. My brother, Styles, comes ups to me to ask what had happened but I didn’t know how to respond. He tries helping me up but I just push him off me. By now his whole group is watching me and I can see them struggling to hold in their laughter. I jump up like a cat in water and run to the bathroom with my brother and Keira behind me. I am sitting in the toilet stall crying as hard as the waves when they hit the beach. I hear a knock on my door, it was Keira and my brother; I tell them to go away and that I am just going to go home. I think they can tell something more is going on.

I have been at home for almost five hours now and all I am doing is sitting and staring out my window; my phone starts flashing. I jump up and look at my phone, it was Liam, Keira’s brother. He was asking me if I knew where Keira was and that she didn’t show up to any of her classes and now they are all getting worried. I decide to look on Redbook to see if she has posted anything about where she is. When I opened Redbook I see a new video on her account, as I watch the video the only words she kept saying was that she didn’t know what she had to live for anymore and she couldn’t find a reason for her to keep breathing, as soon as I heard those words I shot up like I was on fire and run out of my room whilst picking up any pair of shoes I can find. I start dialling Liam’s number. I run into her house, I am screaming her name but I get no response. I run into her room and see her body hanging lifelessly by the ripped rotten rope, I instantly let out a scream that is so loud I have no air left in my lungs. The realisation that my best friend is gone and never coming back started to make me cry over and over again. I feel someone’s hands go around me and pick me up; screaming to put me down and make her come back I cry, but they will not listen. I am taken down the hall to Liam’s room, it was only then I realised the person carrying me was Liam. He is whispering for me to calm down, gently placing me on the bed telling me to sleep. My eyes begin to feel heavy and start to close, I try to fight the torturous world of sleep but in the end, I give in.

They are coming closer with every step I take back, all shouting that it is my fault, Keira died and I could have saved her.  They say I must pay the price, no matter what it takes. They are pushing me back to the edge of the cliff, my feet finally reach the edge. I am terrified and there is nowhere for me to go now.  One of them comes forward and pushes me; I am falling off the edge of the cliff slowly making my descent down, down, down. I am screaming that it’s not my fault she died. Styles pulls me into his strong arms protecting me from the dark and dangerous world which I had awoken from. It has been 10 minutes since I had awoken from my fearful world and Styles is still sitting with me. I get out of bed and walk to my closets and I pull out my dress which is completely black, the room looks as if a storm has gone through it and seized up all of the happiness. The same thoughts, I keep getting pulled back in to my head telling me that Keira is dead because of me. The car ride to my best friend’s funeral is one of the longest drives in history. When I arrive it feels as if everyone’s judging eyes are on me. Liam comes over to us and asks me if I am okay. I tell him I am fine and that I am sorry for what happened. We go around to where Keira is going to be buried and wait. The ceremony has begun and so many people have turned up from school, even the people that tormented her and teased her came to say they are sorry.  It is too late; she is already gone and can’t come back any more because of them she is dead and I now don’t have anyone to share my life with. Keira’s casket is being dropped down onto the ground, waiting for the angles to come and collect her and take her away. They can’t take my friend. I scream at them to bring her back and to give her another chance to let her live and that it’s my fault she is gone. I am on the ground now begging for them to let my friend come back and that they can take me instead of her but they don’t listen to my pleas. They sit up on the clouds and watch me tell them to let her go. I get so worn out by telling them to let her go that I pass out on the ground in a big pile of tears and messed up hair and clothes.

It has been 3 months now and I still won’t talk to anyone about Keira and what happened. I feel cold inside like I am just a lifeless body floating around and I don’t care about anything anymore. I am walking down the hall at school and the people are still whispering about Keira and as I am walking past they all turn and look and whisper to one another, that I am the girl that could have stopped her from doing what she did. The day is finally over and the night has just begun. I am in a glass tank and people are watching but they can’t see inside. The tank starts to fill with water, I take my last breath and people are just watching as I am slowly drowning right in front of their eyes but they are too blind to see what actually happening. I wake up and I have had enough; today is the day I am going to do it. I can’t deal with this pain anymore. I say my goodbyes and go outside to get the rope that is calling to me to do it. I grab the torn rope and pull it free from its position in an old rotting box, I walk inside and hang it up on my fan. Today is the day that this will all go away. I grab my chair and put it under my fan. I sent Liam and Styles a goodbye and forgive me the message on my phone. So many emotions are running through my head right now; sadness, fear, agony and pain. I hop up on my chair and I am staring down at the old 60’s carpet on my floor. As I am about to put the rope over my head I hear the door slam and someone call my name, I wonder if Keira heard me call her name and still jumped because I didn’t get to her quick enough just as I am about to make my last jump Liam and Styles come running into my room. Liam grabs me and pulls me off the chair, I scream at him no and to let me do it, that I am hurting too much and the pain is unbearable.

It’s Keira’s anniversary today, Liam and I have started to become great friends over the past months and share everything with each other now it’s like we have nothing to hide from each other. I am sitting in front of Keira’s grave with a bunch of flowers, as I lay them down on her grave I swear I hear the words “I am sorry Sydney,” being said as the wind blows smoothly across my face and that’s when I realise that Keira’s always going to be right by my side wherever I go from now on.

I am in grade 12 now and I am sitting in science. As always nobody is next to me. Once I have taken my seat and the teacher starts talking about the new kid that is starting this year. I had no friends in this class well I basically had no friends at all, I usually just sit with my brother at lunch.  Well, my plan for sliding under the radar went to pieces as the new kid the teacher was talking about just entered the room and of cores the only spare seat is next to me.


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